A story of vulnerability and learning from a University of Pennsylvania junior.
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By Jack Park
Since the end of the last academic semester, three tragic cases of student suicides were reported at the University of Pennsylvania. With a personal history of bipolar depressive disorder and two suicide attempts as a freshman, I felt compelled to take action against the transformation of my university into a suicide site.
Nobody—with the exception of my parents and a psychiatrist back home in Korea—knew my story, not even my loving girlfriend or younger brother. I intensely debated myself on whether or not revealing my secret was a good idea. With a spiritual awakening stemming from Mark 5:19, I decided to share the story I thought I’d take to my grave.
After writing and self-publishing a confessional blog post containing my phone number and email address—encouraging peers in need to reach out—my days were filled with coffee meetings—on average, seeing nearly 5 students a day. Additionally, I was invited to four different student events as a guest speaker; was asked to join a group of Penn leaders; attended a ‘Green Ribbon Movement’ mental health rally; became a finalist in a speech competition with my testimony; wrote and spoke for nine different publications and interviews; and prepared to sue the University of Pennsylvania out of anger and dissatisfaction with the Mental Health Task Force.
With all these ambitions, I wasn’t able to manage schoolwork. I now understand—after reading the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders—that my behavior in February was a typical case of a manic episode, in which people jump from one idea to another; having racing thoughts, becoming easily distracted, increasing goal-directed activities, and forming an unrealistic belief in one’s abilities.
I sincerely believed I could change the world—starting from the University of Pennsylvania—and save countless lives with my mental health advocacy work; but I can’t; at least not right now. Over the time span of a few months I attempted to transform my school, but I failed. However, I did end up changing one world: mine.
I’m comfortable now with the fact that there will always be problems to deal with and struggles to go through as I move forward in life, but I will find answers and refuge in my Lord’s grace and his word.
For a non-religious reader, this statement might make you a bit uncomfortable or cause your face to cringe. But consider this: faith worked wonders for me—along with countless others—and transformed me into a much more loving individual; with less fears and secrets holding me back in life. Maybe I can’t help change your world, but God can; he changed mine and gave it purpose.
Thanks for reading!
Jack Park is a College junior from Seoul, Korea, studying Urban Studies.