Are you master or slave when it comes to modern technology? Steven Lake explores the slippery slope of disconnection when always connected.
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I love my devices! They have been with me since the early nineties and form an integral part of my life. My smart phone and computer are the nerve center of my being and imagining business without them boggles the mind.
I have a saying that I tell friends and clients, “If it is not in my phone, it doesn’t exist.” This is especially true with appointments.
I know that making time for my partner is critical for a healthy relationship.
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Lifting up my head from the laptop that this article is being composed on, I see an iMac directly in front of me, an iPhone to my left, my wife’s laptop on the kitchen table, her iPhone, and beside her phone, an iPad. There is an old laptop in the filing cabinet and an even older desktop in the front closet.
Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and LinkedIn are constant companions. Managing three pages on Facebook and four websites is time consuming. Oh, and then there is work. Furthermore, somewhere, somehow, I know that making time for my partner is critical for a healthy relationship.
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Over the years it has become apparent that electronic devices, especially smartphones, have not only become popular, they are the norm the world over. In third world countries, people in rural communities skipped land line ownership and went straight to cell phones.
In America, according to a PEW Research study1, as of October 2014, 90% of Americans have a cell phone and 64% have a smart phone.
How does this ubiquitous use of personal electronic devices affect relationships? In many ways. On the physical level, research2 has shown that the the brain is damaged with excessive use of these devices.
Addiction to gaming is a well-documented phenomenon with recovery centers for kids popping up in Korea, China, and the U.S.A. A google search for gaming addiction rehab centers showed over a million hits.
At the far end of the continuum of electronic device dangers is death by distraction.
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I don’t know about you, but I can get moody and irritable when online for hours. Now we are told that the blue light from computers makes going to sleep difficult. And then there is the all too common back problems from sitting in a chair for hours on end.
At the far end of the continuum of electronic device dangers is death by distraction. For example, texting while driving and texting, talking or surfing while walking onto the street (probably being hit by a driver texting).
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My slide down the slippery slope of disengagement has been sandwiched between work and a wife who wants to relate and be in relationship (go figure).
The siren call of my computer is 24/7. For me, everything is subsumed under the catch-all of “work.” My social media and emails are for work. Hell, I don’t even casually surf the net. Everything is for knowledge acquisition and becoming more net savvy – to support my businesses. At least this is the excuse I give myself and my wife.
The problem with always-on-information, and the exploding mass of knowledge, is that our puny little brains (or at least mine) can never be satiated.
When I enter the house the first thing I do is go to the computer and check my emails. My reason for checking emails a minimum of three times is because my inbox receives about 250 emails, every day. I hate scanning through 250 emails at a go, and that is why I break it up into doable chunks.
I do have one vice that I will admit to. I thoroughly enjoy webinars and teleseminars. Again, all for the business. Even I know these are incredible time sucks.
What’s the point of going out if you are not relating?
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This was becoming such a problem that about a month ago I started listening to them on the phone, freeing me to multi-task and do other tasks around the house – like eat or clean up the kitchen.
This state of affairs is coming from a guy who likes relating to people and is an extrovert. Yet, the demands of our modern world, advertising, and the addictive qualities of these machines have turned peoples’ attention from live contact to virtual connection and electronic messaging.
Watching people in a restaurant is a case in point. My wife works in a restaurant and she constantly regales me with stories of customers who come in as a group, sit down at the table, and within minutes are all on their phones, texting, searching, and surfing. What’s the point of going out if you are not relating?
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Easy to cast stones at others. But when it comes to myself, it is harder, not so much to admit it, but to change. My wife wants time, attention, and focus from me.
I realize that in order to have a healthy and happy relationship, this want of hers benefits me as well. One, it pulls me away from an insatiable beast, thus giving me a life, and two, it allows me to have a relationship with the person I love.
Remember that slippery slope I was talking about earlier? It is real and a bullet you want to dodge. I nearly didn’t. Fortunately, my wife is persistent and was clear in explaining the benefits, and consequences, of how electronic devices were negatively affecting our lives.
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If you are having trouble in this area, here is a list of tasks you can engage in to free up and focus your efforts on improving your relationship.
- Scour your email and newsletter lists and determine who are the important contacts. Delete the rest.
- Don’t answer your phone at mealtimes.
- Connect with your partner first, then go to the computer.
- Restrict the amount of time you spend on the computer, tablet, or phone. This will force you to be more effective.
- If you surf for fun, set a time limit and stick to it. If you can’t keep your commitment – go cold turkey.
- Avoid going on the computer right before bedtime.
- Become the master of your devices, not a slave. One way to accomplish this is to delegate tasks. Well worth the investment. I started doing this recently and I am encouraged to find even more tasks that I can delegate.
If you have found techniques not listed above, please share with me. Scroll down and leave your thoughts in the comments section or email me. Would love to hear from you.
References:
1) PEW Research
http://www.pewinternet.org/data-trend/mobile/cell-phone-and-smartphone-ownership-demographics/
2) Psychology Today
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Hi Steven, Great article. I could really relate to this topic. As Armitageman also stated, one of the things that has worked for me is being active. Two months ago I got back in the gym and having that focus on my body, helped to balance things. Since, I have joined two weekly sports teams and this further helped make my life more balanced. Since there is less time to waste, I actually end up being much more efficient in my digital world. Not only that, but even though there is much less time, I have been more effective, and… Read more »
After reading this article, I can see how my time was being controlled by my devices. Not just cell phones or computers, but also television as well. I recognized my addiction for entertainment and instant gratification. I realized it was creating an unhealthy standard for my expectations in my life and relationship. I felt that if I wasn’t actively doing something by myself or with my partner, that I was usually dissatisfied. I have since stopped going to my social media pages, cold turkey, and I have removed all of the games and other time killing apps on my phone,… Read more »