How a simple black accordion could bond two men who both had a lot to learn about connection.
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My dad always loved listening to music, and his very favorite was anything played on the accordion. I’m sure that’s why he encouraged me to take accordion lessons as a kid and bought me a brand new gleaming black, Hohner accordion.
He wondered if I would teach him how to play the accordion.
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After he had retired from farming, he had a lot of time on his hands. One day when I pulled out my accordion to share a new song I had written, he asked me something that would rewrite the next two years of our relationship.
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He wondered if I would teach him how to play the accordion. This request surprised me because my dad was a man of few words. And the few things he did say were not usually requests of any kind. As a farmer, he had learned to survive independently, very rarely asking anyone for anything.
I said I’d teach him an accordion lesson every two weeks. The first session was a huge challenge. I immediately realized his hard-working, callused farm hands had little sensitivity to feel the chord buttons that were out of sight on the left side of the instrument. Several of those buttons have an embossed texture you can feel with the tips of your fingers, so you know what to press. But my dad could not feel the surface of the keys.
When I tried to position his fingers on the buttons, I could see a problem. His callused fingers were so large they would cover two or more buttons at once, creating a cacophony of disharmony when he pressed them.
I knew I had my work cut out for me, but I also knew from experience that I could achieve good results with step-by-step focus, determination, and consistency. Determination is my dad’s middle name, so the progress began, and I resolved to keep my end of our deal.
A big part of being a music teacher is knowing how to encourage your student in a genuine, meaningful way. My dad soaked up that encouragement, and I loved seeing the reserved smile on his face when he’d play a waltz for me that had been his week’s project.
Each of us sitting with our accordions, I would listen to him proudly play his first song. Then he’d reach into his pocket and take out a piece of paper with musical questions he’d been jotting down all week. I’d work through the answers and see the light come on as he began to understand more inside secrets to accordion playing. I was careful to balance the fine line of encouragement and constructive criticism.
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I relate to his challenges and his wins. We talk more about his past.
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Of course, I didn’t expect payment of any kind, and he never mentioned it, but one week I got a surprise. At the end of the lesson, he set a box on the floor beside my accordion case. It was a brand new Sears circular saw. He knew I had a need for one, and this was a gesture of kindness, the likes of which I’d not often seen. I was blown away.
I feel like I understand my dad a lot more now. I relate to his challenges and his wins. We talk more about his past. He told me about the time when his mother died when he was 14 and then his step-mother had a stroke and died in front of him in the kitchen when he was 17. He and his father were left alone to farm and continue earning an income, in spite of their loss and the faltering economy.
Who knew a simple black accordion could bond two men who both had a lot to learn about connection?
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Photo: Flickr/ Malik_Braun
Thank you for the beautiful insite into this experience with your Dad!!! You are an inspiration in so many ways.