I grew up in the 80s, a time when bullying was almost a team sport. I don’t care who you were, if you were younger, under a certain size or gave off the stench of “victim,” you were bullied. In fact, they didn’t even call it bullying—it was life.
Titty-twisters, humiliation and pain came about as often as the tardy bell. I can remember getting repeatedly punched in band (who gets bullied in band?), having my buddy get his sweet new plastic Mariners batting helmet smashed to pieces (while on his head), and another friend getting his clothes taken from him. And no one did anything.
There’s only one way to cure bullying: better parenting. Ninety percent of the time bullies are acting out because of some pain or emptiness they’re feeling—usually at home. The other 10 percent are just assholes and believe me, their time will come.
Schools also play a part in this. Most bullying happens at school and there should be staff available to both curb it and help those who need it. But school officials can’t do that because we cut the hell out of their budgets after electing morons, and who gets hurt? Our kids.
We can hold candlelight vigils, be outraged and shine more media attention on this problem or we can work on an even bigger problem in this country: crappy parenting. Cure that, and you stop bullying. No self respecting dad (or mom) would put up with his son or daughter terrorizing other kids. Not one.
—Photo trix0r/Flickr
About Craig Playstead
Important to note that the kids doing the bullying are often looked up to by the victims. Bullies, in many circles, are the most popular, outgoing, and “unafraid” people around us. Craig is right, though. Underneath all that popularity lies the soul of an unhappy and afraid individual. Often their popularity and social respect is misguided by lack of direction. So, rather than use that energy for good, it manifests in unhealthy ways. Better parenting is one very strong way to attack it. The other is to set a social intention — respected as a universal law (sort of like a commandment), that says “Thou shalt not bully.” The village has to sanction it, parents and village officials (extended family) can enforce it, and we can kiss bullying goodbye!
“or we can work on an even bigger problem in this country: crappy parenting.”
Quality over quantity in terms of parents. The time for this value change has been here for a while. The time to acknowledge it is now.
*claps* Thank you!
I completely agree with you Craig. Bullies of today should very grateful that it wasn’t my calling to be a teacher. Whenever I see a child being bullied my stomach acid boils and I wonder why on earth people don’t do anything about it. The worst is that teachers don’t get involved, or they label the children who are being bullied and their parents who bother to complain troublemakers. The issue is obviously with the bully, but because everyone’s afraid of bullies nothing gets done.
The bullies in my school would be under an eternal watch, and their parents would be a speed-dial option on my telephone.
Studies show that bullies are NOT generally victims of anyone, or of low self esteem, or people being bullied. These are school leaders, with high self esteem who simply get off on power. To stand up to them is to become a social outcast so no one person will do it BUT, the solution seems to be if you can get a group of classmates to stand up when bullying is going on. Bullies want approval. When is it taken away by a GROUP they tend to stop. Teach your children to form pacts with their friends to speak out as a group to any bullies. Peer pressure wrks for god things, too.
This weekend, we have had to deal with the knowledge of the fact that we now know our 9yo is a bully at school.
We didn’t know that this was going on until a whole 4 days of it, and until his teacher has noticed a distinct aggressive attitude in the last month, due to mainly the association with another school “bad
apple.”
Why weren’t we, the patents, notified earlier?
The reason we believe, is the fact that our 9yo has the academic ability of a 14yo, and hence, is bored of classroom instructions, and so is “venting” in the playground.
In my opinion, this behavior is very easily dealt with by teachers and parents, however the first step of responsibility has to be taken by the teacher, who is at school and therefore has a ‘care duty’ whereas the parent is at home.
The premise that no (true) parent would normally allow his or her child to be a bully is true, but in many cases I suspect they don’t know.
I was a nerdy kid with glasses and not very good at sports. In other words, an easy target. Some of the bullying was half-hearted, but one particular bully was nasty and menacing. My dad offered to get me boxing lessons, but I demurred. I didn’t want to fight; I wanted to be left alone. When I was in high school and my parents decided—for reasons of their own—to move to another community, the bullying experience ended. But, you know, it’s stayed with me—for a lot of years. An unresolved issue. Frankly, I don’t think the school could have done anything about it. If the situation had been exposed, I think retribution would have been swift and cruel. As the parent of a daughter, I am aware, now, that bullying is not restricted to young males. My daughter was bullied in grade school, which upset me very much at the time, but time passed and she moved on. When I mentioned it to her the other day, she could barely recall the unpleasantness. A blessing, I think. Maybe bullying is inevitable for many of us; perhaps it’s something we have to simply get through—like some kind of tribal rite, however ugly.