The Good Men Project’s unlicensed, non-practicing relationship therapist once again sits you on his comfy couch and lets you know that just because football’s over, it doesn’t mean you have to put your fandom on the shelf. And your relationship will be better for it.
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A month ago, The Good Men Project either introduced or re-familiarized you with the “5 Love Languages” by Dr. Richard Chapman. The book serves as an in-depth guide on how to speak the language of love to your partner. Did we use that to our advantage with an upcoming slate of must-see-TV games?
NO!
We used it to fill our love bucket and connect with our significant other, and in the process catch a few sporting events when we weren’t basking in the sea of love.
Now that football’s over, does that mean we just switch to the next sport, whether it’s basketball or hockey?
No!
Our football love bucket is running low, and instead of filling it with a foreign substance, why not fill it with the only love that can overpower football, the warmth and undying adoration of your loved one.
We have identified five characteristics of football that will keep your football love bucket full, but also have your SO (instead of saying significant other over again, we have shortened it down to “SO” to avoid carpel tunnel syndrome) swooning.
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If this past Super Bowl has taught us anything, it is that the Entertainment Value of football is second to none. The twists and turns of that game rivaled anything Shondra Rhimes (you should know who this is, if you don’t we have other things to talk about) could have concocted in any one of her hit shows.
Entertainment is defined as the action of providing or being provided with amusement or enjoyment.
The place where football fails and where you can win is that entertainment (i.e., the action of providing enjoyment) can be shared both ways. While watching football on TV can give you immense joy, you cannot return the favor to the game you are watching, no matter how loud you yell. Much like the takeoff on a plane, please put away your phones, tablets or computers and take some time to spend some time with your SO.
Remember the emotion you felt when Jermaine Kearse caught that ball while on his back or a few ticks later when Malcolm Butler intercepted that pass in the end zone — I mean, what a finish! — that happiness can be duplicated or surpassed in a hug.
Hugs boost our happiness levels. Scientific research has proven a good hug is the fastest way for you to get oxytocin flowing in your body. Oxytocin, also known as the “love drug”, calms your nervous system and boosts positive emotions.
• It lowers your blood pressure.
• It lowers your cortisol (the stress hormone), enabling a higher quality of sleep.
• It can increase your social connections and a sense of belonging.
You know what these studies have also shown? Couples who hug more are more likely to stay together.
Hug it out! Are you not entertained!?
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Every football season, my phone data plan needs to be upgraded. That’s because every fall my texting usage reaches unprecedented levels. The Camaraderie that is enjoyed in football can enhance the revelry or misery during and after a game.
While you’re cheering on your favorite team, you know who’s cheering you on? Your SO. As close as you think you are to your buddies who cheer with you during a football game, nothing will get close to the intimacy you can share with your SO.
Get out with your significant other, go to a party or go on a couple’s date, watch as you and your SO pump each other up. Use those words of encouragement to inflate your partner’s self worth and in turn your SO’s love for you. So while you can’t text your bud when your favorite teams scores, you can get intimate with your loved one, and you can be the one scoring.
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Unlike other sports where one person can take over a game and decide the outcome, football is the ultimate Team Game. You need all 11 players on the field working together in a cohesive manner to get the job done. In fact, the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots motto is “Do Your Job.”
Your relationship is also a team game. Both of you need to do your jobs and rely on each other to make this relation-ship sail. As fellow Good Men Project Sports Editor, Justin Ricklefs, said in a recent article:
“For a season, we viewed marriage like it was a game. A competition. If I do this, you should do that. Meet me in the middle here; do a little more there. If you do 20 things, I’ll do 20. That sort of game. But the true work is done when one of you can’t get to the middle. When it’s up to the other to go the extra mile. Maybe that ratio is 90/10 for a season if a spouse is sick, stressed, even depressed. Don’t view marriage as a scorecard, someone always loses that way.”
Your relationship cannot be sustained if you don’t work as a team. And watching a team work together in perfect harmony can be the most beautiful thing to see. The same can be said for your relationship.
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A few years ago, I was in Buffalo, New York doing research for an upcoming project. I found myself talking to a lot of Bills fans, and the one thing they always said was the Bills are a representation of their city. Then, this past year the same sentiment was reiterated.
The Western New York area and Western New York family wants to help other people,” said 26shirts and Bills Mafia Fambase found Del Reid. That’s [the] fabric of Western New York’s DNA that translates from the love we have for our team.”
“Look at our helmet, you have a visual representation of the city on it. There’s so much civic pride wrapped up in the team’s identity, visual identity, it’s inseparable,” he said.
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The success or failure of a team can elevate or crush a city. It can bring a region dealing with crippling socio-economic realities to a dream state where they can forget about what’s ailing them and just enjoy a game with 50,000 people who know and feel the same thing they do.
Once football ends, that sense of Civic Pride is not lost. It’s standing right there next to you in your tiny little village you call home. Your city is the people you see every day, whoever it may be. That civic pride you felt when your favorite football team won the big game, you know what else can bring on that same emotion, your SO getting a promotion. Sometimes it may be tough, but life is in the details, and if you can find the roses growing out of the cement in your own little village, it will keep your bucket full.
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Most of us didn’t choose which teams we root for. Our fandom is rooted in Tradition.
From generation to generation we cheer for teams because the people before us cheered. Our love for our team is there because it was instilled at an early age. Your parents seeded that plant and watered it with football jerseys and tickets to games and football cards all the while watching that fandom bloom to Fandemonium.
Now it’s time to plant your tradition with your SO and let that love bloom. My wife and I made a plan; every year we’d take a trip. It didn’t matter where or when, but every year, we know we are going somewhere. It can be as close as a “Staycation” 50 miles away or an international trip. No matter where our love bucket gauge may be when we depart, it’s always full when we return.
So what’s your tradition?
Much like you can look forward to football every fall, why not create something similar every spring or summer, so you can keep that football love bucket full and fan the flames of your relationship.
(Author’s note: The author must reiterate the disclaimer in the opener. The author is not a relationship therapist. He is just a man trying to find a way to keep his Football Love Bucket Full until next Fall.)
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Photo Credit: Jurijus/Flickr