When you learn how to really hold a woman you also learn why it so important to be held by her as well…
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When I feel sick or insecure, I feel small and vulnerable. I feel in need of protection. I feel a strong desire to be held and tenderly cared for.
And there is nothing that feels better to me at these times, than being held firmly in the arms of my man.
When my man holds me, I feel like I can let go and relax. I am safe. I feel at home and like everything’s going to be okay. A prevailing sense overcomes me of All Is Well.
Sometimes I pretend God is holding me through my man. It helps me to really surrender to being held. It helps me fully let go and trust.
Now I am a very powerful, strong, capable woman with VERY high self-esteem. I bring in good money, I am a leader in my field, I take good care of the kids, I keep the house clean and in good working order and I masterfully coach people every day to create great relationships. I am in my 50’s, so I have been around the block and know a thing or two. I think of myself as an elder in my community.
Yet, even with all of my power and skill and good sense, I feel small and vulnerable at times.
I know you do too. We all do.
And just like you, I need relationship to be a safe place that allows, holds and protects my smallness.
My man needs me to allow and love and powerfully hold his smallness too when it shows up. He needs me to take care of him when he is sick too. He needs me to listen with soft acceptance when he is scared.
It’s okay to feel small and fragile sometimes. We can’t be expected to be in our power ALL THE TIME. In fact, I believe it takes great power to humbly tell the truth about our fragility, our vulnerability and our fears. After all, from a certain perspective, we ARE fragile and vulnerable. Our lives can be snuffed out in a moment’s notice!
So when you feel vulnerable, allow it. Don’t judge it. Ask your partner to hold you. Tight. Cry if you want to. It will help you release any fear and tension.
If you are the one doing the holding, don’t feel you have to say ANYTHING. Silence and your firm grip are often MORE THAN enough. If you do add words, add reassuring soothing words like: I am right here. It’s okay. I got you. Everything is going to be okay.
Remember that it takes great courage and love to express vulnerability, to say: I need you. Do not let your weakness define you, but let it move through you. See through weakness to the strength on the flipside. Vulnerability is but a passing experience that wants to be embraced and allowed.
It is imperative that you not judge yourself or your mate for any arising fears and insecurity. All judgment will do is push these feelings aside where they will wait in the shadows to wreck havoc later. Feelings want to be allowed and experienced. If you push them away, they will make themselves BIGGER and BIGGER until you CANNOT ignore them. Feelings can be very persistent.
Make it okay to feel scared and small sometimes. It’s okay. Believe me, you are not the only one.
When you allow your vulnerability and insecurity, you return yourself to wholeness. You expand to include ALL of you. After all, you are powerful AND fragile, independent AND in need of loving care, strong AND weak. You are all of it. Whole.
So fully allow your smallness, your fear, your insecurity, your vulnerability. It is a good thing.
And give yourself the experience of being held. If you aren’t in a relationship or your man isn’t available to hold you, then picture a man holding you in your mind. It will do the same thing.
The more fully you give yourself permission to feel small and weak, the quicker your strength and power will return. Do you want to connect more deeply with your partner? There’s a lot more to learn. Come take a challenge.
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Sonika Tinker, MSW, and Christian Pedersen, CLC, loving husband-wife team, are Relationship Experts, coaches, mediators, trainers and authors with over 35 years combined experience coaching and leading courses helping hundreds of singles and couples to dramatically improve relationships. They are the creators of the RISC Online Relationship Course sponsored by the ManKind Project USA.
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