Emotionally healthy boys grow up to be emotionally healthy men and we all could benefit from tips to help us with them along the way.
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Many find it interesting that as a woman, I help men find real life, unique solutions to start over or forge past brokenness toward goals. What I don’t do and will never claim to do is say I “show men how to be men.” In both my personal and professional life, I’ve been fortunate enough to study the male psyche and learn a whole lot! Some I’ve dated or worked with and then there are those I’ve been friends with or am related to. One thing continues to stick in my mind…. what I am not going to do is sit here and allow my own sons to fall into broken category and stay there when I clearly see this is an issue that needs addressing.
When thinking of the term “broken men” I don’t want you to think about men in financial ruins, homeless men or clinically depressed men. There are many men who are successful with their career but still are broken on the inside. These are the brothers who have tried their best but feel they get no support from their lady, friends, family and certainly not their employers or society at large. They go around every day doing what they have to do to survive but inside feel like they are dying and crying every day. Life has them feeling at every turn like something or someone is wearing them down and they just can’t win. They are sometimes the little boy who had so much potential but because of their rambunctious ways we discarded them as problems or worse, ignored them. Or they could be the guy that gave their all to a woman, a job, or a child and ended up devastated yet push on with that constant fear of moving forward.
Take a look around the internet or anywhere else for that matter and you’ll see a plethora of infomercials or ads encouraging people to start over. It could be starting over by declaring bankruptcy, starting over by finding a new mate, starting over via a new career or a whole host of things. With some of these ads there can be a hefty price tag and I don’t know about you, but if I’m already in a place where I know I need to begin again I don’t want to participate in some fly by night foolishness that will just take my money.
So what steps can we take to help our men find purpose again and move past their brokenness?
- Teach your sons and daughters the true meaning of forgiveness of not only others but self!!!!
- Celebrate the uniqueness of each person by looking for good things about their differences.
- Don’t assume our kids know how to bounce back because experts say statistically kids are resilient. Have conversations to get to the root of their confidence levels.
- Remember, every mistake our kids make is not a catastrophe and instead a learning experience. Otherwise, they’ll beat themselves up when they’re grown the same way we do when they’re kids if we’re not careful.
- Don’t bash the opposite sex no matter how you’ve been hurt. There are some great uncles, brothers, cousins out there and not everyone will do to you what that last man or woman did to you. GENERALIZATIONS ARE LIKE POISON!
- Have patience. Not everyone is where you are emotionally, physically or financially. Noooooo…..we don’t all grow at the same pace and we don’t all get it the same way you do!
There are good men (and women) left in the world. What we consider good, however , is based on our perception of what is good for “us.” Remember, just because “you” are a good person does not mean you are good for the person you have your eye on. Bad relationship connections are a major contributor to the brokenness in spirit of both sexes. With the wrong match, we can turn into ugly people and this is be the beginning or continuation of the emotional cycles of dysfunction in families, the community and the workplace.
Originally appeared as What Can We Do About Broken Men on BlackLifeCoaches.Net
Photo: Sokabs/Flickr
Excellent piece Aleasa!
Not only have you done a terrific job of identifying man of the unique problems men face, but you offer solutions.
I just finished reading Lisa Bloom’s book, “Swagger…” Like yourself she identifies a myriad of problems facing boys and young men. She offers 10 solutions or approaches towards helping boys and young men thrive and avoid hurt.
Lastly, I offer a quote I think is from Terrence Real, “Hurting people hurt other people”
Julie, thank your for reading and your commentary . It is comforting to know that people read and take to heart what we are to do to help our community on GMP. I’ll take a look at that book, thanks!