For those recently ending a marriage, or for those who have been single for years, life after divorce can seem like a fog—a “well, what the heck do I do now?” You may have defined yourself as part of a unit and when you are no longer part of that marriage, it can be difficult remembering who you are, and how to define yourself as you move on with your life.
Are you are dreamer, thinker, and doer? Or, do you fall into the trap of just seeing yourself as the “the divorcee?”
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But it doesn’t have to be that way. Divorce at this stage in your life has given you the gift of being able to reinvent yourself and define life on your own terms—a journey that will be as fun as it is rewarding when you remember to follow the following tips.
Don’t think of yourself as just a “divorcee.”
For decades, you probably defined yourself as a partner and spouse, and the roles you played in the household most likely centered on caring for the family. But that identity can start to feel in crisis once you are no longer with your spouse. Many people think, “Well—who am I now?”
You are now given the incredible gift of redefining yourself. What do you identify with? Are you are dreamer, thinker, and doer? Or, do you fall into the trap of just seeing yourself as the “the divorcee?”
Remember—being single again means that you can define yourself as you please. You get the freedom to do what you want, when you want. So start thinking of your self-identification beyond your divorce—which is just one small slice of who you actually are and all the amazing things that you are actually doing.
Have a plan.
Divorce after a decades-long marriage can leave many people confused with how to plan for themselves since plans usually involved the spouse.
Living under different circumstances than you did when you were married, or if you are retired, on a fixed income, makes many divorcees think that they will not be able to do the things they want, but this is not necessarily the case.
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Marriage meant that the plans you and your partner had were combined. Once the divorce happens, it can be very difficult to find their own voice. But your life doesn’t stop just because your marriage ended. It just means that you now have the freedom to do things on your own terms.
That sort of freedom can seem overwhelming at first. But having a plan doesn’t have to be! A great way for creating a reinvention plan for yourself is to answer the following questions:
Want do you want for yourself?
What steps will you take to get what you want?
Who can help you along the way?
Sometimes it can be difficult identifying the steps to get what you want as you continue to reinvent yourself after divorce. Living under different circumstances than you did when you were married, or if you are retired, on a fixed income, makes many divorcees think that they will not be able to do the things they want, but this is not necessarily the case. There are many excellent resources and professionals with expertise in helping divorcees not just live within their means, but thrive during the best years of their lives. The key is recognizing that you deserve to be happy and that with some planning, there is no reason you cannot achieve that for yourself.
Don’t view your divorce as a failure.
Many people post-divorce carry a burden. They wrongly think that the fact that because their marriage ended means they failed at something. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
… a past that includes a marriage that ended in divorce does not mean you are not worthy of celebrating these next years of your life.
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If you are divorced and want to reinvent yourself, you need to start thinking of the end of your marriage not as some tragedy, but instead as the gift that it really is. When you view your divorce as the opportunity to now define life on your own terms, the chance to be happy again, and the chance to now write this new chapter in your life as your own vision and not your former partner’s, then you are creating the best possible future for yourself.
Nobody can change the past. However, a past that includes a marriage that ended in divorce does not mean you are not worthy of celebrating these next years of your life. In fact, reinventing yourself beyond the label of “divorcee,” learning to plan for the things you now have the freedom to do, and viewing your divorce as a learning experience that has now let you define life on your own terms means you now have the chance to move forward to an amazing future. And that’s what starting over is all about.
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Photo: Getty Images
I have to say that I feel like the bulk of this article is just so much BS. Not meaning to be rude by any means, but sugar-coating a bad situation is not helping it. “The GIFT of being able to reinvent yourself?” What kind of gift is that? I didnt want to reinvent myself! I wanted to be the wife to the man I loved more than anything else in the world; the matriarch of a family that I *thought* was strong! Reinvent myself into what? For me, that was the highest achievement, the loftiest goal. “You get the… Read more »