If you want to combat prejudice, start by looking in the mirror.
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On the playground, I can’t remember any altercations or issues because of skin color. We were only in the first or second grade, so most of our issues were related to cooties, tetherball abilities, and what clothes you wore to school. Everyone seemed to get along really well and race certainly seemed to be a non-factor.
Friendship
I am not ashamed to admit that I have always found African-American women beautiful.
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As I grew older, I realized my closest friends were African-American. I thoroughly enjoyed being exposed to a wonderful group of friends that shared different experiences. Our differences aside, we shared so much in common that I never felt out of place. Our families shared the same values, the same work ethic, and the same religious views. In some cases, we had lived in relative proximity to one another for years.Each of us was uniquely and wonderfully made, and I believed it was a privilege to be able to have a diverse group of friends.
I began to notice the difference when people outside my social circle deliberately began targeting our differences. They would make comments like, “You want to be black” or “whigger?” I was devastated. This was 1995, and I did not understand why this was happening. The sources of these comments made it even more confusing. It was not only whites who made these comments, but Hispanics as well. How could a group—who themselves were fighting for equality — spew such toxic comments?
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Love
I am not ashamed to admit that I have always found African-American women beautiful. For many years I have admired their beauty. In high school, it was my goal to take a beautiful woman to the prom and one day spend the rest of my life with her. In 1997 I took a beautiful young woman to the prom and we had the time of our lives. On February 9, 2000 I married my best friend, lover, and soul mate.
Once again, people made comments like, “I could always tell he liked black girls,” “he is a wannabe NI———“. The feelings of hurt and bewilderment returned. How could human beings make such hurtful comments? I was hurt, but I was resolute in my commitment to remain unimpeded by the ignorance of a few, or the ignorance of many.
More than 15 years ago, I married the love of my life. She is a beautiful black woman, my best friend, and my lover. Not everyone agreed with our choice to marry. We lost some friends along the way.
Prejudice
My views on prejudice may not agree with the dictionary. They are based on my experiences growing up, and my experiences as an adult. I am proud that I exposed myself to a truly unique set of individuals, cultures, and truly awesome people.
Now, I realize that we learn to be prejudiced. We learn that someone’s differences make them lesser than us. We learn we are lesser because we are different. Prejudice makes being different a bad thing.
In hindsight, I realize I developed many prejudices over the years. The fact that someone dresses differently does not make him or her less of a person. As a young man in high school, I was always testing the fashion boundaries. I wanted to wear my pants low, my shirts way too big, and wear a bandanna on my head. Ironic how later in life I might classify these people as gang-bangers, or think I am better than them because I don’t dress like that.
For over 12 years, I have proudly worn the uniform of the United States Army. Since 2003, I have spent over fours years in Iraq supporting the war on terrorism. As a soldier, I know all too well the effects of war. Too many battle buddies killed, too many families ripped apart because of back-to-back deployments, and too many whose lives are changed forever.
During those deployments it was very easy to hate the enemy. On the battlefield, it seemed all too clear. The enemy wanted to kill us, and the enemy was Muslim. I am ashamed to admit I found myself using disparaging terms like “rag head.” I had allowed a small group of people to prejudice my views towards millions.
Stop limiting yourself! Making the world a better place is a noble cause.
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I developed these views because I learned them, I internalized them, and I acted upon them. My prejudices were being assimilated from culture, authority figures, and my inability to challenge these new beliefs.
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Prejudice will never be eradicated, but we can reflect upon three important ideas that will help us learn and grow beyond it.
- Prejudice is learned. Babies are not born with prejudices, but they assimilate them as they are exposed to them on their journey.
- Prejudice can be unlearned, but it’s not easy. I have personally worked very hard to disassociate myself with those prejudices I have learned. It has not been easy. It has required that I admit I was wrong. I am thankful that I have a great group of friends that support me and keep me on the right path.
- Proceed with caution. As parents, mentors, friends and leaders, we must be very careful about our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. We literally are helping people develop their own thoughts, beliefs, and actions on a wide variety of topics.
Stop limiting yourself! Making the world a better place is a noble cause. It is a purpose that has ignited the souls of many men like Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, and Malcolm X. The problem is we can only change ourselves and use our transformation to influence change in the hearts and minds of others. If you want to combat prejudice, start by looking in the mirror.
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Flickr/ yostD7000
“We lost some friends along the way…”
That is the truth about prejudice…you learn about someone’s biases early on…or sometimes later on….everyone has some prejudiced views…sometimes it may show up in micro aggressions…On the playground I used to get into quite a few altercations regarding race…adults just express those prejudices in different ways…I am just glad that my son, who is of mixed race, has not experienced those violent fights that I had to survive growing up….his school is very progressive and proactive about teaching empathy and anti-prejudice….