JJ Vincent hopes that 40 will be the magical number that helps youthful men like himself be treated like adults.
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I can’t wait to be 40.
Yes, you read that right.
I cannot wait to be 40. I have 6 months left. I’m almost there.
I can’t wait to be 40. Well, sort of….
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I’ve been blessed with some sort of eternal youth. Right now, on a long, tired day, I look 30-ish. On most days, shave a few years off of that. Usually, I get taken for about 24, 25. The older-looking the people around me are, the younger I look. The fact that I’m barely 5’4″ helps. You should have seen the heads turn with I was dating a 6’2″ red-headed woman 10 years my senior who refused to slouch or wear flats.
I’ve been cursed with some sort of eternal youth. Right now, on a long, tired day, I look 30-ish. On most days, shave a few years off of that. Usually, I get taken for someone pretty freshly out of college. The older-looking the people around me are, the less experienced I’m assumed to be. The fact that I’m barely 5’4″ hurts. A shirt and tie don’t do much to age me. You should see heads turn when I’m in a room full of my business peers. I look like some of their kids.
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I take a few small joys in this. I love making people do brain-twisting math. “Let’s see, I grew up in _____, moved to ____ for college and stayed for 11 years, and I’ve been here for 8 years.” “Jobs? Let’s see, I guess the 3 years I spent as a VP of Media and Marketing was the “best” job, but certainly not my favorite.” I’ll do the same thing with pop culture. “This song reminds me of those horrible Jr. High School dances.” “Bill Cosby called…he wants his sweaters back.” In each case, I can see the math in people’s heads as they try to reconcile what they are hearing with what they see.
40 will make this even more fun. They’ll be even more confused.
I have more than a few small problems with this. It’s hard to be taken seriously as a grown man when you look like someone’s big brother or oldest child. I try to insert my age early into an introduction as I can, because it’s easier than trying to keep my cool while being patronized or smiled at indulgently before being dismissed out of hand. Youthful appearance and lack of bulk and stature are sadly equated with inexperience and naivete. More than once, I’ve been at an event where I’m a senior member, by experience or longevity, but I’m disregarded because I don’t look like someone who’s been doing this for 13+ years. I can see the polite nods and smiles as people ignore what they hear and only listen to what they see.
40 may be the secret solution for this.
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Visible aging is a fact of life for most men. It’s even a badge of honor for some and viewed as sexy by many women.
For those of use who aren’t aging, it’s doubly hard being a young-looking man, because while we’ve probably taken on the responsibilities of other gents our age, we still too often find ourselves at the kids’ table.
Given the world that we live in, where younger and younger people are the bearers and keepers of knowledge, technology, and access to information, you’d think that here would be a some movement towards respect of the young, or at least not a judgement of ability based on perceived age. While they are widely thought of as whiny, entitled moochers, they’re the people that a lot of us turn to to fix our remotes and iPods and computers and phones. They are the ones that are seeing beyond gay-straight-male-female-able-disabled labels to who a person is and what they can do. I’m not one of them, but I look like it.
Youth is not a danger or a disease or a hindrance or disability. But it’s treated like one, and those of us who look like it suffer for it, whether it’s being disrespected by kids who think we look like their buddies or pulled in ten directions by people who are just trying to be helpful, but are really just telling us things we know, or have been told 800 times before.
Maybe, just maybe, 40 will magically fix this.
But I’d still kind of like to look like a 20-something.
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photo courtesy of the author
I felt exactly the same way about turning 40, I was totally excited about it, and for many of the reasons you wrote about. A couple of weeks before my 40th birthday I actually got carded going into a club! It was a bit ridiculous, I look like I’m in my late 20’s or early 30’s but it still gave me a thrill. I’ve had to deal with other’s attitudes when they didn’t know I was as old as I am (and often older than they are) so I try my best to inject it early into the conversation. I… Read more »
I’m 34 and can pass for ten years younger. I had the same issue as JJ, but a move to a new country, birth of first child and new career in the space of a year kind of meant that I “owned it” – I gave myself that approval. That, and realising that I’m far less useless than our parents (not their generation, just these specific set of individuals who messed up the lives of their children for a time – all of them in white collar jobs with the outward appearance of being elder adults – business owners, professors,… Read more »
I used to have this problem, too. But lately, I must have aged noticeably, because, although I still get a look of surprise when I tell them my age (42, almost 43), I’m not getting carded , and people tell me I look like “early 30s.” I already miss looking like a 20-something.
Wait, wait, wait…I’m looking forward to 30 for this very same reason. You’re telling me that I now have to wait until 40 to be treated like a “real” adult? I resent being carded (for a bottle of kombucha; I don’t like beer) and I can’t stand being called “miss”. “Oh, but you’ll appreciate it when you’re older!” Uh-huh. I heard the same thing in high school for things that I’d supposedly appreciate at my current age, and they were wrong. I appreciate being healthy, that’s all. I don’t appreciate being questioned for a bottle of barely-fermented tea. Find me… Read more »
Jessica, I’m just hoping we don’t have to wait until we’re 50!!!!!
Yeah, I hear ya… I get the same thing,too… I am 46 and still treated like someone much younger…. Although, it was actually not bad to be called “young” by two attractive men….
Work it! Flaunt it! I guess it’s better than bearing a resemblance to Norman Bates’ mother….
Leia, so true. My mother looks many years older than her age, my dad looked many years younger, and I am quite glad I take after him.
There are days it has its benefits, but I’ve had to occasionally straighten things out with a flirtatious young man doublequick, because while they may be 18, I was buying beer (legally) before they were born, and that’s way up there on my “Um, no” scale.
For what it’s worth, I look younger than I am (46), and I still get it both ways. My friends who have hit 50 and above delight in telling me why there’s such a big difference between me and them. I get the “When you’re my age” lines. And these are people who are only 5 years older than me. I think people need to do that so that they know their place in the world. Or something. I’ve just stopped trying to explain anything and learn to be glad that I’ll have a long shelf life.
Buffy, I get the same thing. The incredulous looks happen when they realize that we watched the same TV/listened to same same music at the same time, and I’m not doing syndicated or “oldies radio” catchup.