Fortunately, I never brought a gun to school.
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I stole from my dad often, things I felt I needed.
I took coins to buy candy. I took a bottle of liquor for playing hooky. I took various things to build things like insect boards, a skateboard, and many other things.
But I never stole my dad’s gun. Reason? He didn’t have one. If he had had one, I might have taken it.
You see, I was a little guy in middle school and high school. And a little guy with a big mouth doesn’t exactly earn friends easily. I tried to be intimidating, to scare off the bullies. But it wasn’t of avail. I tried to be into sports, but I found watching it boring and participating unexciting.
I either listened to heavy metal—or gangster rap—depending on what crowd I was trying fit into. I didn’t want to be common, boring or known for being intelligent. But I didn’t want to be a loser, loner or nerd. All of my music and TV idols were raw, rowdy and rambunctious.
I got a lot of flack for it. I’d get sneered at, mocked, laughed at, teased, pushed around, beat up, and even had my life threatened.
I’ve been chased home.
I’ve been cornered and jumped a few times. And I always vowed revenge. I hated my peers. I hated my teachers for not saying anything when they saw it. I hated my dad for also putting me through similar things at home. And I hated myself.
- Fortunately, I never brought a gun to school.
- Fortunately, I never used bullying to set an example of classmates and my abusive father.
- Fortunately, I was able to move on with my life, go to other schools, become an adult, gain employment, and seem to be liked by my current peers.
Seeing things in perspective when you’re younger is hard to do.
The brain is still growing and developing. Philosophy and worldview are a constant change, as well. A younger person does not understand permanence. One decision, no matter how “courageous,” could change absolutely everything. Sure, eliminating a few headaches seems tempting, but there’s no returning after the long term consequences happen.
My life, I would have right now. If I had access to shooting up a classroom, I could be dead now. Or I could be in prison for life or on death row. I wouldn’t have the wonderful things I have now.
I have a wonderful wife who cherishes me and encourages me in all I do. I have a nice house with tons of great books. I have an adorable, intelligent cat that I had rescued as a kitten. I have a few small businesses that are exciting, as I deal with collectibles, vintage goods and antiques. I write books and articles, also, which is a good way to channel pent-up feelings, memories and problems.
My life is good, and I wouldn’t have had what I now have if I became an active shooter.
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