Before we judge Joe Paterno, Rick Morris writes, we need to look at ourselves.
I must express my disgust: Joe Paterno was told of a child being sexually assaulted, and did nothing other than mention it to his boss? “Hey Tim, working hard or hardly working? Yeah, great weekend, great weekend. Oh, by the way, totally not a big deal, but Jer raped a kid in the showers? Haha totally weird right? Anyway see ya later.” It’s appalling, foul, and reprehensible that anyone should allow someone to get away with a crime of that magnitude. It boggles the imagination that this sort of crime might just get an eye-roll and a quiet aside to the boss. I remain stupefied that, in the face of a (presumably distraught) witness reporting the rape of a child, Paterno did not (at the very least) call the police himself.
It seems almost certain to me that Paterno heard what happened, was overwhelmed by the sheer vileness of it, and tried to pass responsibility off to someone else to make it right. I think that, unless Paterno is truly an evil man himself, he accidentally looked evil in the eye and looked away in shock. In other words, Paterno was a coward. (Consider the word “coward,” in this piece, to stand in for “one who fails to do what is right out of fear.)
But.
While the pitchforks are nice and sharp and the torches are nice and bright, perhaps we ought to pause the vituperation for a moment—just a moment, I promise—and take a look at ourselves. I think that some of us have probably failed in our own obligations to work against sexual violence in our communities. Joe Paterno failed in circumstances in which hopefully none of us would fail, and so we feel comfortable piling on in judgment. Harsh condemnation is well-deserved here. Perhaps we can use this incident for more than reassurance that our values remain intact, though.
♦◊♦
While there will undoubtedly be calls for some sort of knee-jerk legislation (because that’s what Americans do when we’re upset), I wonder how many people leaping to condemnation have ever looked the other way or stayed quiet when they saw racism, sexism, or the other plagues of our society. I don’t wonder this because I think that I think Paterno is being judged too harshly. I wonder this because I think we should all wonder this from time to time, and now seems as good a time as any to reflect on how we ourselves have failed to protect the least of these.
I have enough confidence in the general goodness of my fellow men that I believe no one here would deliberately leave a child in the hands of a pedophile, or tolerate a friend’s sexual violence against a child. Enough men have written eloquently on here about their own experience of sexual abuse that I believe that we here universally detest such abuse in all its forms.
With shame, though, I will tell a story of my own failure. A man I did not know well was at a party hosted by men I did know well. Talking about a woman currently at the party, he mentioned that in the morning he’d tried to have sex with her and she’d said she didn’t want to. He had sex with her anyway, he said, concluding, “So, basically, it was rape.” He then laughed, and another man at the party literally high-fived him.
I stared. I knew I should say something. But to my great shame, I said nothing. I simply walked out of the room with a friend who was similarly disturbed by what he’d heard. Is it possible that this woman really didn’t experience this as rape, and that this guy (her boyfriend, to clarify) had simply read her correctly? I suppose. Is it possible that, no matter what I said, it would have changed nothing about this guy’s beliefs? I think his enduring misogyny is quite probable, and I suppose that this uncertainty of the correct course—combined with relative certainty that any words of mine would be ineffective in reforming his views of women—probably did nothing to spur me to action.
But it seems to me, now, as I squirm while writing this and hope against hope that my friends who read this will not think too much less of me, that saying something—anything—would have made it clear that I, at least, will not abide such behavior. It would have removed a safe space for such attitudes to go unchallenged. I failed.
♦◊♦
Paterno’s behavior was reprehensible because it was so clear what he should have done: informed the police, encouraged the witness to do the same, then called the police. I have no doubt that I would have handled such a situation much more aggressively than Paterno did (because I have). But in the equally-important, banal sort of evil that I’ve just discussed, I had a much harder time trying to act. I don’t think fear would have stopped me had I been sure of the correct course, but fear (of what? I don’t know either) unmanned me to the point that I didn’t try hard enough to find that course quickly.
I think about this incident every single day, wishing I had done differently. I try now to confront every troubling attitude I see expressed—hoping, I suppose, that a chance at redemption will present itself. To everyone: I’m sorry.
The question I would ask, then, is this: have you ever failed to act? What would you have done differently, had you been in my shoes? I think these are things to think about, and I hope that by doing so we can prepare ourselves to act righteously in moments of doubt.
♦◊♦
The GMP on Penn State:
We Are?
Paterno and Pedestals, Julie Gillis
When the Game Becomes Religion, Gary Percesepe
Male Lust Arrives in Happy Valley, Tom Matlack
Destroying a Young Boy’s Soul, Ken Solin
Power Is at the Core of Sexual Harassment, Mervyn Kaufman
The Tragic Lionization of Joe Paterno, Tom Ley
Men, Monsters, and the Media, Nicole Johnson
Loyalty and Responsibility at Penn State, Andrew Smiler
Jerry Sandusky and Penn State: A Familiar Story, Sophia Sadinsky
Beware the Legacy You Are Protecting: Winning Isn’t Everything, Eli Kaplan
Institutional Injustice: Why Rooting For Universities Breeds Immorality, Aaron Gordon
Sandusky-ed, Tim Green
♦◊♦
—Photo AP
Michael. Tell him he’s an asshole. Won’t change his actions. Tell him you think he’s an asshole. No problem there. But don’t think anything you say at the party would make any difference, or, conversely, that failing to say something would, in some way, not slow down his propensity. Nobody got hurt because of your failure. Knowing it’s a Bad Thing adds to the fun of bragging about it. Telling him it’s unacceptable is meaningless. He knows it.
Tell him that if you catch him at it you’ll kill him might work, though.
Linking a reported relational rape and a high five to the PSU scandal does not cut the mustard with me! I’m an odd type and have multiple nationalities, one of which is British. I was 18 when I first came to the USA. Oddly my first port of call was Up State Pennsylvania and relatives there – and on my second night I had to deal with US Sports and Jock Culture. It was an eye opener. High School was just finishing and I took my cousin to her Ball. I even hammed it up for the night with a… Read more »
What would you have done to the guy at the party who was bragging about rape? Report him to the cops in the absence of a complaint from the woman? Tell him he’s a butthead? Yeah, he is. And telling him so fixes just exactly what? Long as we’re telling all, here, I’ve physically intervened twice in assaults on women. The guys in question wouldn’t fight me, so it went well for me. But I didn’t know that going in. I’ve also approached what looked like threatening situations and indicated an interest. The situations defused, whether because of me or… Read more »
Right, it’s someone else’s problem right? Why speak up at a party, what good will it do? You speak up because it is the right thing to do. you speak up because it sends a message. Of course you intervene if you see something happening, but you should also intervene when you hear about something happening as well. Call the guy on his crap, let him know it is not acceptable to everyone.
Richard, your points are part of what kept me from doing anything. This wasn’t simply an issue of courage for me; it was also an issue of uncertainty. I really didn’t know what exactly I could do that would change anything, and speaking up seemed like it would have a social cost while accomplishing…not sure what. Now, in retrospect, I realize that what Michael says is true and part of my sense of guilt is that at some level I think I sensed the truth of Michael’s point even if I wasn’t quite sure how to act on it then.… Read more »
The entire country is failing. Failing boys, but especially black boys. From virtually every measurable standpoint they are the most victimized (under)class of humans. Which of the supposed civic / human rights / equality groups give a rats ___ about boys, especially black ones to even make their victimization an issue? Which have that as even a minor platform issue? Which are lobbying Congress to do something to help these children? None. They don’t even care enough to acknowledge that there is a problem, let alone care enough to talk about it, let alone care enough to try to do… Read more »
This is a piss-poor comparison. You compare a second-hand story at a party of a guy who was maybe tellng the truth, or maybe exaggerating, about one incident that may or may not have been real, you want to compare that with the systemic knowledge, by multiple individuals, of ongoing sexual predation of children? I’m disgusted by your presumptuousness. Please. Spare me the self-pitying, “If only I’d have said something at the cocktail party, so don’t judge Joe Paterno.” What a giant load of moral relativism. One incident does not compare to years of complicity. Paterno, and others, knew for… Read more »
Did you actually read the first paragraph? I’m not trying to excuse Joe Paterno. As I said earlier, all I’m suggesting is that we learn from this experience. I’m suggesting that other people have done things like Paterno (perhaps not nearly as bad), and that many of us have participated in a bystander culture. I’m suggesting that instead of merely attacking Paterno (which he richly deserves), we examine ourselves. Not so we avoid judging anyone, but so we ourselves can be more righteous.
Excellent, honest, moving and painful piece. What you are writing about is the role of the bystander. Much current research on bullying now focuses on how to educate onlookers about their responsibility when they witness bullying. And who do bullies learn their behavior from? Often, from adults, especially ones they hold in high regard. If Sandusky was the bully, everyone else who knew about his atrocities were bystanders, and they all had culpability. Yes, many of us, myself included, have looked the other way. I admire you for writing about your experience. It is instructive for all of us. I… Read more »
These people attract bullies.
No one bullies the person who’s ready to fight at the smallest sign of disrepect, They bully the person who’s not going to retaliate.
These people will always be victimized.
William – You seem to have a narrow view of the subject and limited grasp of the full nature of those who Bully. You link Bullying to open displays of what you see as “Disrespect”. To see that as the only yard stick is to miss virtually all of the area covered by the subject. There are also Bullies, such as Serial Bullies, who adapt their behavior and could well be bullying you with soft and gentle words, a smiling face and everyone present believing you are the bully! Try and call it Disrespect and you will have your sanity… Read more »
What i meant was that a bully isn’t going to attempt to bully someone who going to strike back.
Bullies target specific people, they target someone who’s not going to retaliate.
They don’t pick their victims at random.
Teach victims of bullying to stand up for themselves and the bullying stops.
William: Again your view of Bullying and how Bullies Operate is limited. It’s very old school. I think you are well intentioned in your views and comments, but they are limited. The term Bully is steeped in stereotypes and clichés which lead many to believe they know Bullies and Bullying. It also sets up a limited view of scale that blinds people. It is said for Bullying to operate there is necessarily including a certain chronic inadequate response on the part of the target. That leads many to believe that an adequate response will stop the bully – a very… Read more »
– Of course anger isn’t going to solve anything, i meant physically retaliate. – Yes they do, they target the weak and timid. – The Bully Target is easy to manipulate. – I never categoried the bully and their target as being in the same age group. – You’re talking about one kind of bulling, i’m talking about another kind. – I know a story of bullying in prison. A officer forced an inmate to perform oral sex on him, it took a sting operation and footage of the officer inappropriately touching the inmate for the office to get fired.… Read more »
William you said “No one bullies the person who’s ready to fight at the smallest sign of disrepect, They bully the person who’s not going to retaliate.” So just how should a child being subjected to an Adult Bully fight at the smallest sign of disrespect? Kick them in the shins? How about a vulnerable adult who is being bullied by their only care giver? Spit tablets? As I have said, I think you have a narrow focus that is Old School. You seem to retain your focus upon the person bullied as responsible for action to make matters stop… Read more »
Sometimes mistakes can be avoided and sometimes people don’t deserve second chances.
That kid who gets builled will continue to get builled until they stand up for themselves, and that woman with a history of abusive mates will continue to attract them until she wants it to end.
What i’m saying is just because you help someone doesn’t mean they’ll heed your warnings or take steps to make sure they’re not in that situation again.
So, then by your reasoning, you should just not bother helping them in the first place? What if the kid getting bullied also gets bullied by his parents at home, or does not have a role model to teach him how to stand up for himself? Is he just getting what he deserves then? Can you imagine getting picked on at school all day, and then coming home to an abusive parent? or even a non involved parent who ignores you? And the woman with a history of abusive mates, what if she has been raped and victimized by men… Read more »
It’s not as uncommon a view as you think! Some see a person in a situation and just judge it as the person’s nature. Other’s grasp that nurture and environment plays a significant part. I found it interesting reading the account of a Judge who was sitting in a case involving the most most prolific pedophile ever prosecuted in Brittan. The extent of the abuse is still not clear, but is recognized as over 1000 children over a 40 year period. Figures as high as 3500 children are mentioned. He got away with so much because he was a pillar… Read more »
That kid needs to learn to stand up for himself.
You’ve only removed the bully presently there, when he’s going to continue to be bullied to adulthood.
The abused woman needs to seek help with more than just removing the abusive mate from her life, she needs help to change herself.
These people are not helpless.
No william, in many ways they are helpless. You seem to come from a solid foundation that has molded your persona into one of strength. Not everyone has that.
Bullies are skilled at picking out the vulnerable in a crowd. Point your finger at bullies – they suffer from a different type of insecurity and need guidance. Bullies need to leave the weak alone so the downtrodden can gain inner strength – they live day by day; each day is a day for hope. ZERO tolerance for bullies. Abused victims suffer different stages of abuse: some just beginning to be abused, while others are stuck; some trying to get out, some falling back to same pattern (similar to addictions) …but most hope to survive, recover and move on –… Read more »
I stand up for the downtrodden who got their by no fault of their own, not the downtrodden who’ve placed themselves in a bad situation and won’t get themselves out of.
Someone who long ago accepted the harsh treatment they received and would not change their situation if they had the chance does not get my sympathy or help.
The world is not black and white. People do make mistakes, and that is no reason to deal with them severely. People should be given a second chance. Now if that girl I saved, continued to go to frat houses and got drunk and was eventually taken advantage of, that was her bad decision. However, I saw a wrong being committed and I took action. I, and I alone, have to live with my decisions.
“… if they had the chance….” ? When it comes to abuse, so many have no chance unless others listen. Looking down on the victim all too often makes you complicit.
The abused do not ask to be abused! Abusers ask all around them to give them credence and ongoing permission, because they abuse people’s perceptions and get them to turn a blind eye.
Fiat justitia ruat caelum – “Let justice be done though the heavens fall.”
Seriously, your point is haven’t we all looked the other way at times? This actually coincides with my recent article on here “Don’t be a guy”. When that guy at the party basically admitted raping that girl, and the response was either high fiving, or silence, you were all being “guys”. You were all complicit in your slience, even if you felt it was wrong. I would have given that guy a ton of grief, and might have gone to the police with what I heard. That is called being a man. That is called standing up for your morals… Read more »
My point wasn’t suggesting that we all have so we shouldn’t judge Paterno; I think the sub-head might have been a little misleading. Only that many men are more complicit in this sort of thing than they’d like to admit, and that we should take this chance to examine ourselves. You’ve done well, and I admire you for that. But my own experience leads me to believe that I’m probably not the only guy on here who’s frozen when he wasn’t sure what to do.
Michael- First of all, I commend you for your level-headedness in rescuing that woman from sexual assault. Being a young man in a fraternal, college atmosphere is sadly not conducive for bystander intervention. Thank you. That being said, I don’t agree with your statements “That is called being a man… if you want to be a man, you need to act like one.” What does this topic have to do with being a man? Rather, the issue is entrenched in the actions – or lack thereof — caused by empathetic human responses to dangerous or negative situations; this has nothing… Read more »
Simple, have a moral compass and stick to it. Don’t be afraid of speaking out when you see a wrong, even if it means you may be ostracized as a result.
Oh what a challenging and truthful post. I can’t look it up right now, but doesn’t this response, the stare of shock and quick decision to do nothing, have something to do with how humans relate to group norms? That cognitive dissonance I wrote about maybe? There is a fast decision made in the brains of members of the group-go against the dynamic and be outcast? Go along with it silently and keep the peace. I feel pretty certain we’ve all had some of those in our lives, from the very very subtle-someone teasing someone about something in a mean… Read more »
“How do we train that muscle?”.
PSU Motto – Leges sine moribus vanae – Laws without morals are in vain.
Seems that back to a few basics would be a start.
The Legislation already exists – The Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and Campus Crime Statistics Act or Clery Act is a federal statute codified at 20 U.S.C. § 1092(f). The Clery Act, signed in 1990, was originally known as the Crime Awareness and Campus Security Act. http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode20/usc_sec_20_00001092—-000-.html Jeanne Ann Clery, raped and murdered in 1986. The University authorities were aware that students hadn’t been told about 38 known violent crimes on the Lehigh campus in the three years before her murder. Virginia Tech and Eastern Michigan have already been dealt with for breaches of Clery – and there… Read more »