I Hired a Male Escort Once or Twice a Month

An anonymous look into a secret life: “It’s not about paying for sex. It’s about a guaranteed good time coupled with professionalism and discretion.”

Editor’s note: The following is an interview conducted by Rachel Smith with an anonymous correspondent. Ms. Smith is not, for the sake of clarity, the woman hiring the escorts.

Please tell me a little bit about yourself, your age, who you are, what you do.
I am a professional woman in my late 30s.

What’s your relationship status and when did you first use a male escort?
I’m currently single. I’ve hired escorts, both male and female, when I had a partner – however I never hired an escort solo whilst I was in a relationship. I started using male escorts when my partner and I wanted to try a threesome with another man. We didn’t want to go out and pick up some guy in a bar so we decided to call a male escort. That way we could be guaranteed discretion as well as safe sex and good hygiene.

Describe a typical experience you’ve had hiring one.
The escorts are always gorgeous, fun and intelligent. The sex is always guaranteed and it’s totally discreet which is really important to me. They are there to please and it’s wonderful to be pleasured and pampered. One of my escorts even cooks me dinner sometimes and he’s a really fabulous cook.

Paying for sex / hiring sex workers / escorts has traditionally been a male pursuit…
It’s not about paying for sex. It’s about a guaranteed good time coupled with professionalism and discretion. I have a sexy man or woman come to me and spend fun intimate time together. Plus it’s refreshing to not be pressured into having sex without condoms; this was a real hassle when I used to meet new guys and they often complained about using a condom because they didn’t like them for one reason or another.

Escorts provide a service. When I hire an escort I am hiring the services of a professional man and I love the conversation and the company just as much as the intimacy. I’m not just hiring a walking penis, a penis couldn’t cook me dinner or give me a massage, but my hired companion can. I am disgusted by people who objectify others for any reason. Escorts choose to do this job and at least they’re out earning a living rather than leaching off society. I think it’s great that this service exists. I need a high level of discretion and I’m pretty time poor due to my work commitments but sometimes I still like to be pampered and spoiled. Just because I’m busy doesn’t mean I don’t have needs.

How often do you hire escorts? Is it a way of treating yourself? I hear it’s pretty pricey.
On average I would say I see an escort once or twice a month, sometimes more. Having intimate company can be many things to me. Sometimes it’s because I want to be pampered, somtimes work has been stressful and I just want some time to myself and some stress relief and sometimes I’m just plain horny. Sometimes it can be a combination of all these things. I guess I view it as a bit of a treat. That being said however, when life or work have been really stressful I consider having such company a necessity; my companion will come over, give me a sensuous massage and then we’ll have incredible sex. After this I’m relaxed, happy and ready to go back to work and face whatever it may throw at me. When it comes to the money, I’ve had the experience of using different services who charge different amounts. Let me tell you the cost is a big indicator of what you get. When you pay top dollar you get a well-groomed, articulate, intelligent escort and they’re worth every cent. I’ve made some less expensive choices in the past and most of the time I was sorely disappointed on one level or another. In this industry it’s true that you get what you pay for.

Are you in the minority among women you know?
Definitely, but I think that’s a real shame. I do think many women go without sex and that is so unnecessary. I think many women fear being judged or being told they just couldn’t get sex without paying for it, which is just mean. What they really want is someone intimate, discreet and amazing in bed with no strings attached. If they go out and pick up in a bar they’re considered easy, but if they pay for it they’re looked down on. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation in that regard which is so disappointing. That’s why those of us that I know who use escorts keep it pretty much to ourselves.

How memorable have your escort experiences been, sexually? 
Sexual experiences are what you make of them and whether it’s with an escort or not. I have had some nights with my companions which were so fantastic I thought I might explode. It’s a good thing on those occasions I could extend my booking because I just wanted more and more. The difference with having sex with an escort compared to picking up, whether the partner is drunk or not, is that with an escort you’re guaranteed to be safe (i.e. if you pick up you just don’t know who you’re going home with which can be really dangerous), they’re definitely going to be able to perform and it’s guaranteed safe sex.

What if you’re not attracted to the escort? Is that something that’s happened to you and if so, how did you handle it?
If I really wasn’t attracted to the escort I wouldn’t sleep with them. We would just chat and I get them to give me a sensual, relaxing massage. There are some people you just don’t click with on a physical level and if that happens I just don’t hire that person again but I make sure the company knows it’s nothing the escort said or did, it was just personal preference. I think it’s only happened to me once or twice.

On the flip side do you ever worry about becoming attached? Have you hired the same escort more than once?
Yes, I have. When I was in a relationship it was great because he knew what we wanted and how our relationship dynamic worked so it was relaxed, easy and fun. Nowadays I may hire someone I’ve seen before but sometimes I want someone new. I don’t really want the complication of a relationship so I don’t worry about becoming attached. Escorts fulfill a physical need in me and although we can have lovely conversations as well I try to keep it pretty basic and not get too personal. It’s not the right environment for emotional attachments.

What kind of women do you think would really benefit from this service?
All types of women would benefit from this service no matter what their age or interests are. Hot guys, safe sex, no strings attached, willing and able, what more could you want? Of course if a woman is looking for a relationship then this service probably isn’t what they’re looking for. But for any woman looking to be treated like a princess and have fantastic discreet and personal sex then this is definitely for them. It’s one of the things I love about hiring an escort, that in this case it’s always all about me and my ‘date’ loves it just as much as I do.

Do you keep it a secret, or have you told friends? If so, what has been the response?
It’s not that I keep it a secret – it’s just that it’s no-one’s business. I don’t ask my friends who they’re sleeping with but I guess I’m not that kind of person. I have told a few of my friends when they were complaining about being horny so I suggested it to them but most of them think they would be too shy to try it. I just told them they don’t know what they’re missing.

The Q&A above is with a regular client of Melbourne, Australia-based male escort agency, Aphrodisiac Male Escorts.

This article originally appeared at Reality Chick.

 photo: Susan Burke / Flickr

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About Rachel Smith

Rachel Smith is the woman behind the chick at advice column and
relationships blog Reality Chick. When she's not tackling the latest curly questions about love, sex and dating, she's writing for magazines and websites, getting up to mischief on Twitter or Facebook - and trying to convince her husband to take her to Santorini for her 40th. No luck as yet.

Comments

  1. “Hot guys, safe sex, no strings attached, willing and able, what more could you want?”

    Real intimacy where I don’t have to pay someone to pretend to be interested me for starters.

    • The Wet One says:

      When you’re in a desert of interest, fake interest ain’t so bad. Believe you me. I’ve done the same and I don’t regret a single red cent paid. Authenticity is all good and all that, but sometimes, you just don’t have the wherewithal to get it for whatever reason. But you have cash. Problem somewhat fixed and a joyful time was had.

      It’s just that simple.

      • Sorry, that wouldn’t work for me. I have spent years single and have been rejected by men before. Sure, I was lonely and wanted affection but paying for fake affection would feel dishonest and disrespectful to myself. It would not make me happier. I don’t pay people to pretend they like me. I can use a little self control and hold out when I need to until I actually find that person that does really like me.

        I try to live my life authentically. Paying for affection would go against that authenticity for me.

    • In other words, you want strings attached. That’s what “real intimacy” creates.

      But for those who do want no strings attached, the escort experienced described here does sound ideal.

  2. This sounds incredibly icky to me — I don’t kniw how else to describe it. I can’t imagine paying a guy to have sex with me. But, to each his, or her, own, I guess.

    • I understand that it’s not for everyone, but why do you say it is icky?

      Icky in what way?

      • A man who is faking interest in me and being paid for his services, who has no real attraction for me, probably fueled by Viagra, touching me and (to be blunt) putting his penis in me. It makes me feel nauseated to think about it!

        • @Sarah…

          Isn’t similar to a one night stand without paying? Is the one night stand guy really interested in the woman or the sex?

          Just asking.

          • I don’t like one night stands, but I suppose the difference is that the guy hopefully likes me and is genuinely turned on. Otherwise it seems humiliating!

      • @Elissa…

        Frankly, I do not see how it is any different than a one night stand.

        You’re just paying. I guess you know what you’re getting ahead of time.

        • I agree Jules, though I do acknowledge an apparent/tangible difference between how men and women perceive this form of exchange.

    • The Wet One says:

      Sarah, you’re not paying the guy to have sex with you (more likely than not anyways. A guy who can escort would have slept with you anyways if you asked him to at a bar). What you’re paying for is the attention, the care and attention to detail. The average drunk schlub at the bar will give you the wham bam thank you ma’am. A male escort is there to fulfill a WOMAN’s desires. Not a man’s. That’s what you’re buying (or should be buying). Also, you’re paying him to leave and not fart in your bed. A regular sexual encounter, eh, you may get a massage. You may get to be the center of attention and have your every desire catered to, or you may get some perfunctory sex on a Friday night because that’s what is done in the relationship.

      Icky…

      Hmmm… I don’t get that one. Having sex with a hot woman who’s going to try her best to blow my mind sure doesn’t seem icky to me, but to each their own I suppose (hey didn’t you say that! HA!). Some people don’t like peanut butter and jam sandwiches either (of course some of those people are allergic to peanuts and thus have an excuse, others, not so much…).

      • I have no interest in sex with a man who isn’t genuinely attracted to me. I’d get nothing out of that at all.

        • More exact : you cannot know whether he’s genuinly attracted to you or not.
          It’s perfectly possible that he’s attracted, but you can’t know this for sure.And he wants the money either way.

        • The Wet One says:

          I see. Men really are quite different from women that way (a generalization for sure, but one that’s more accurate than not I’d wager).

          I got plenty out of it myself. Sex with gorgeous, and I MEAN GORGEOUS women!

          Good times, good times! That was money well spent.

          • @The Wet One,…

            Great. But, it was not about you. It was about her.

            It was all about the sex. Not the “attention, the caring and attention to details.”

            As a man, I am sure it was simply great. Only a few men would not like to screw beautiful women and get paid for it, myself included.

            I am not a fan of prostitution. But that’s me. I cannot fathom the idea of having sex with a woman who has screwed hundreds of men, regardless of how she looks.. Just disgusting in my mind.

            But given how f ‘ed up things are sexually in America today, maybe it is time to legalize it.

            • The Wet One says:

              I think that you misunderstood me. I was the one who was paying. I don’t see how it was about her.

              As for a woman who’s screwed hundreds of men, eh, doesn’t both me. Wear the glove.

              Think of how much of the air you breath is other people’s (and animals) fart. That’s gross. If a woman’s had a few partners (or a few hundred), it really makes no factual difference. If you’re going to bring up the disease angle (which is a real risk, but it’s the same risk everywhere you get sex unless she’s a virgin, which is unknowable), perhaps you can tell me this, what’s so special about std’s? The flesh eating disease is terrifying to me, but most (not all) std’s, meh, not so much. Disease organism are disease organism. Whether transmitted sexually or otherwise, doesn’t make much differnce. But I suppose that’s a result of being a microbiology major or something…

        • I’m really curious why you and other women think that the male escorts are *pretending* to be attracted to you, or pretending to be affectionate. The exchange of money alone doesn’t make it fake. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I would think that anyone who makes escorting a career does it because they enjoy it – to the extent of enjoying having sex with a variety of people and bodies with varying attractiveness, and they enjoy being of service to their client’s needs.

          When a customer service rep at, let’s say, your bank is friendly, professional, and provides you with good service, do you similarly call them fake? Do you think it MUST be because they’re being paid to do this job, that otherwise they’d be nasty and unhelpful? Or could it just be that they’re a nice person, a professional person, who genuinely cares if you have a pleasant experience? I mean, people are professional and considerate all the time, pay or no pay, because being professional and considerate can be its own reward.

          I can only imagine the same thing applies in escorting. I’m only guessing, but I’d think that they get some satisfaction out of being of service to their clients, rather than just doing it for the money. Maybe I give too much benefit of the doubt, though?

          • @KKZ…

            Let’s look at the flip side of this equation. Do you think the female escorts are really attracted to the men they are having sex with? Or do you think they are pretending to be as professional as possible? Or because they enjoy the variety of sex with a variety of men?

            It just cannot be the money that makes them pretend?

            I look at some men who have admitted using sex workers and I asked myself, “I wonder what she thought when he came through the door?” Some were, for lack of a better term, pretty pathetic looking – out of shape…..

            I came across a story by a sex surrogate last year. She detailed how she felt about some of her clients. She clearly stated some were just thoroughly unappealing. But, she considered it a job and proceeded. While there was a “tall, slim, attractive” man she enjoyed doing her job. So, I think the same is for male escorts.

            Some customer service people are just dedicated to doing a great job, period. It does not mean they have any passion for the job in particular. Simple professionalism.

            JMO.

      • @The Wet One….

        “……. What you’re paying for is the attention, the care and attention to detail..”

        BS!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • The Wet One says:

          I think for a woman that’s the case. That’s what the interviewed woman says. I chose to take her at her word. Why wouldn’t you?

          This:

          “Sexual experiences are what you make of them and whether it’s with an escort or not. I have had some nights with my companions which were so fantastic I thought I might explode. It’s a good thing on those occasions I could extend my booking because I just wanted more and more. The difference with having sex with an escort compared to picking up, whether the partner is drunk or not, is that with an escort you’re guaranteed to be safe (i.e. if you pick up you just don’t know who you’re going home with which can be really dangerous), they’re definitely going to be able to perform and it’s guaranteed safe sex.”

          Sounds like attention to detail to me. Especially the part about exploding. But maybe that’s just my interpretation.

          • FlyingKal says:

            If it is what you make of it, why not strive to make it as good in a non-paying relationship?

            This rationalization that the interviewee(…?) makes, she makes it sound more like “It is what your partner makes of it”…

            • The Wet One says:

              Because sometimes you have neither the time, the skill or the interest in making it as good in a non-paying relationship. You want sex, easy good sex right now. And you have the money to pay.

              It’s just that simple. Why pay for it? Because it’s worth it. Period.

            • Kudos! Well put!

            • @The Wet One…

              I am not disputing this aspect of it. Same for men who go for female escorts, “easy, good sex right now.”

              However, what I am challenging is:

              “……. What you’re paying for is the attention, the care and attention to detail..”

              Now that’s pure rubbish! Let Mr. Escort show up without a properly functioning c**ck. We will then see if the woman is paying for “the attention, the care and attention to detail.”

              People (men and women) pay sex workers for sex, period. All this other rubbish is just “noise.”

              Btw, even porn actresses indicate they find very few of the men they work with attractive.

              Just saying.

            • The Wet One says:

              Well, okay then.

              I’m sure the male escorts who service women, don’t pay attention to details. Because women are all about men who are sloppy and ignore their needs and are selfish lovers. I’m sure that their clients (the women) are quite happy to get what they can get for free at any bar anytime, anywhere.

              That makes complete economic sense. I mean, why go for free, when you can get the same lousy product with a pricetag?

              I’m talking about men servicing women here, not the reverse. Men are not quite so discriminating as women as you might know when it comes to their sex partners. Hate to say it, but with men, there is a much greater degree of any woman will do. I don’t think it’s quite the same with women, but then, maybe I’m just over generalizing.

            • @The Wet One…

              “Men are not quite so discriminating as women as you might know when it comes to their sex partners.”

              In general I might be inclined to agree with you. However, you must be using a very very loose definition of “discriminating’? When it comes to sex for a lot of women (not all), all she need is to find him attractive and safe. He can be a thug, a jerk, unemployed……a lot of women just do not care. Why? She only wants sex! Hell, she may not even want to see him again! So, this “discriminating” thingy you are talking about is a bit moot.

              Thus, there is a common misconception that women have these high standards for having sex. It is just not true. A woman will screw a guy just because she feels sorry for him. All kinds of reasons…Now, for relationships and long term committed relationships, yes women are more discriminating. No argument from me on that point.

            • Whether or not they’re more discriminating, it’s a fact that women are harder to get off than men. Most men will have an orgasm if they have a partner they find attractive who is willing to do it with them. Only a quarter of women can often have orgasms during intercourse, many never have an orgasm from intercourse alone. Different women need different types of stimulation to get off. There is no guarantee the man at the bar will be interested in learning how, or be able to do it the first time.
              So, I’m sure this is part of the reason women are less interested in one night stands than men, and also part of the reason some women see escorts.

      • I couldn’t agree with this more. Thank you for writing it!

  3. The Wet One says:

    What the heck is the difference between “personal sex” and, I suppose, “impersonal sex”?

    BTW, this woman sounds so much like a man, it’s remarkable. Could have sworn this was off some escort review board somewhere and written by one of the more eloquent pooners.

    So it goes…

  4. The Wet One says:

    As a final point, can someone please explain to me how or why this belongs on the “Good Men Project”? I seriously don’t get it. This has nothing to do with men. There isn’t even an interview of with the male escort. Seriously, what’s the point of this? Career advertisement to young guys who can’t get a job but have a clue as to how to treat a woman and have the ability to get it up for any live woman who comes along?

    Do tell…

    • Yes, I think GMP is trying to recruit young men into the prostitution business. You totally found them out! (((sarcasm)))

      I think most men are interested in learning about women on some level. Here is a woman that pays a man for an escorting service. It’s a unique perspective considering that it’s more common for men to purchase sex. Do we really need to hear another story from a female escort? Not that they aren’t interesting and insightful. But this offers something unique. I am left with the impression that if this was a story from the perspective of a female escort, you would be interested in the topic. Why would your interest change just because the genders of the participants change? Just because it’s a site for men doesn’t mean that the only things men need to be talking about are other men. Especially since most men interact with half the population, women, regularly.

      • The Wet One says:

        I thought this site was about men. What does this have to do with men? I just don’t see it.

        And yes, I’d be interested either way (prostitution is of interest to me). And while men do interact with women regularly…

        Ehhh…. I suppose. It’s not like the discussion is about menses or lipstick which is pretty far removed from any concerns men might have. I suppose…

        • I would think it’s valuable to have some things from a woman’s perspective on a site like this. I mean, at some point a ‘Good Man’ is going to have to get along with other genders, no?

          • Well, I’d be curious to know whether she’d accept men hiring female escorts for much the same reasons as she hires male ones. That chance was unfortunately missed in the interview, it would seem.

    • @The Wet One….

      Well, it is a different and rare perspective.

      Also, it clearly demonstrates that the idea that sex is an emotional experience for women is a complete farce. All the guy need be to some women is attractive, can get it up (and keep it up), and safe.

      The emotional stuff is reserved for men like I was once : a sucker for the romance narrative. As Tina Turner says, “What Love Got To Do With It!’

      Peace.

  5. I have never paid for sex or for any sort of attention, but this is something that I would definitely consider. The problem is availability… I have a full schedule, and most men I date have one too. I turn down sex way too often merely because the timing or the duration of an encounter isn’t right even if it’s with someone who really wants to spend time with me.

    • @Olive…

      That’s the problem in America. People do not even make time for the simple pleasures of life anymore. No wonder we have so much social dysfunction in this country.

      Sad and pathetic.

      • I’m actually in Canada, and I don’t know if things are the same in the U.S., but I find that people around here are genuinely busy most of the time, as in they have work to do, or some kind of commitment like taking extra work, updating skills through education, taking care of family, or even maintaining established friendships. So, it’s not that they don’t want to, but more that people can’t find the time. I’m sure this is even true for married couples, so you can imagine how it can be for singles over the age of, say 30.

        Personally, I prefer to stay single to avoid complications in case I have to relocate in the near future for whatever reason. I prefer to stay mobile, and for this reason, I have decided not to pursue a relationship, and I don’t see why I should give up sex just because of this. I live close to a big city as well, so I don’t feel that people are going to judge me just because I decide to have casual sex. People in my community simply don’t care.

        Generally, I’m not that interested in one-night stands, and with this, I mean the kind that doesn’t require getting drunk at a bar. I prefer to see a person during a period of time, but seeing someone more than once is, for practical purposes, a relationship, and this is where things get complicated with conflicting schedules that kill the mood and the experience, and here is where I think a male escort would come handy.

        I admit that I may have fantasies with somewhat elaborate scenarios, and this is not something that I can realize that easily if I’m just dating. I wouldn’t know what exactly is that men look for when they pay for sex, but in my case, it would be to have an experience which could take place over the course of several meetings. Sex may be in the script, but it’s not the central point. In other words, the experiences and the situations are of value to me, they would not be open for discussion or compromise, and I can hardly see this happening with a man I’m dating because I don’t own his time..

        • A co-worker of mine feels much the same way. Between work (2 jobs) and her 2 children, she doesn’t have time for a relationship. She only dates men on the weekends, and that works for her. They enjoy eachothers company and attention on the weekends that they can make time, but during the week, their focus is work and family. People have to think outside the status quo these days. Creative new ways to make relationships work. A “friend with benefits” situation like this can be just the right thing for certain people.

        • @Olive,

          “Sex may be in the script, but it’s not the central point.”

          If you’re paying a sex worker/male escort, I think you are paying him for sex. Let us not kid ourselves on this point. You don’t call a sex worker to paint your house!

          If you do not desire a relationship, I can full well understand that fact. Neither do I. So, I use FWB arrangements for sex.

          I will readily admit, in the name of full disclosure, I am not a proponent of prostitution. But, maybe the time has come to think about legalizing it in the US. Too many involuntarily celibate and sexually frustrated men. Maybe this will help with that situation.

          • Oh my… Are you trying to shame me, sir?

            I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with hiring a male escort to paint my place… Kind of kinky in fact. Thanks for the suggestion!

            And for the record, a FWB arrangement IS a relationship… It might not be as committed, but a relationship it is. Don’t kid yourself.

    • Olive – maybe we should split costs on one in the near future…..

  6. So, it’s only “human trafficking” when guys hire women?

  7. I just hope more women start buying sex so it will become acceptable for men to pay for sex as well.

    Currently sex work and paying for sex is illegal and considered ‘abnormal’ because it makes women and religious nuts uncomfortable. Just take a survey.

    • If prostituion is totally acceptable and if everyone is paying for sex, why have relationships at all? We’ll all just hire people to service us. Why would I date some schluppy guy if I can pay for a really gorgeous guy? Same for men I suppose.

      I dunno, maybe that would be better. You can get exactly what you want that way.

      • The Wet One says:

        The reason is, and I can speak from experience, is that relationships are distinct from sex. Sex is one thing and love (or relationships as you put it) is another. You’re wiser not to confuse the two.

        Of course, the question is, is it really about getting exactly what you want? I’ve had exactly what I wanted, but I wanted more. That more is not on the marketplace. It’s found in relationship. I’ve been fortunate to have found the satisfying relationship and no longer buy.

        See how simple it is?

        Sex with gorgeous people, or even just people who are very skilled lovers (and professionals are definitely that) only goes so far. Definitely something you learn when pooning. Some people never want more than that. Others certainly do (most pooners are married men. I, for the record, was not. And my Sweetie is well aware of my past and involvement in this).

        It really is that simple. You do have to get past the b.s. that society feeds you to appreciate these simple truths (sex does not equal love or relationship), but once you’ve got it, it’s pretty simple.

        And it probably wouldn’t be better. But should it be illegal and stigmatized as much as it is? I think not. It just doesn’t make any sense, nor is it true to nature of humans. For what it’s worth, there is evidence that prostitution is pretty standard behaviour throughout the animal kingdom. Yeah, yeah, we’re not animals I know, but can’t we aim at something more achievable? Say like not killing each other en masse? At least killing is not tied to our drive to survive and reproduce (we aren’t wolves after all, or their cousins) so we can at least have a halfway decent chance of moral success.

        • @The Wet One…

          “The reason is, and I can speak from experience, is that relationships are distinct from sex. Sex is one thing and love (or relationships as you put it) is another.”

          Yes, I can agree with you here. You can get exactly what you want from either. They are separate and distinct. You have either great sex or a great relationship. It is rare in reality to have both.

          I have argued this on several occasions within the context of many women wanting a particular man for sex and another type of man for a relationship. That’w why, in my view, relationships often kill sex!

          “sex does not equal love or relationship.”

          Sex does not equal love. Yes. Nor does love equal sex!

      • FlyingKal says:

        @Sarah:
        Yes, maybe being upfront about the payment should be the better way to handle things.
        But there’s still a limited supply of gorgeous people. Maybe you can’t get what you desire that way either, ’cause the gorgeous you require is out of stock ;-)

      • @Sarah,,,,,

        At least the men (or women) who just want sex would have an above ground, regulated, and safe way to go about it. Not that I am an advocate. But perhaps it time to seriously considered it here in the US.

        I would never deal with a prostitute. I just think they are disgusting. Not as human beings, but for what they do……But that’s how I honestly feel.

        I to this day cannot figure out why a man would want to be with a prostitute who has been with hundreds of men….

        Just saying.

        • The Wet One says:

          Personally, I kind of feel the same way about soldiers. Being committed to killing people and dying on behalf of a state with moral or immoral purposes at heart. It’s very gross to me. But hey, sex can be gross to some just as killing is to others. Vive la difference! Non? ;-)

          • @The Wet One…

            I respect your opinion.

            But, I find the comparison of a prostitute to a patriotic duty to be just absurd. If you do not like being in wars or the military, so be it. You have the right to be a pacifist.

            But, that is entirely different than electing to be a prostitute for $$$$.

            • The Wet One says:

              You may find it absurd, but if you take the stricture against killing people seriously, well, it’s not so absurd. Failing to see how “patriotic duties” (namely killing others for whatever reason the state deems legitimate, say like the Iraq war, or WWII on the part of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan) is at least if not more morally compromised than prostitution, is quite beyond me, but it is pretty the same all over and not very special. It’s a very common form of blindness, seen worldwide. Rather like prostitution…

              Anyways…

            • The Wet One says:

              And to support my foregoing point, here is a man who lived by the sword, and ironically died by it. http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2013/02/03/chris_kyle_shot_american_sniper_author_murdered_at_gun_range.html

              He went to a foreign country four times, at the behest of his governmentment and killed between 150 – 250 people who were arguably defending the soil on which they’ve lived for generations. This is a laudable thing? As opposed to bringing some small pleasure to one’s fellow human being?

              Really? And the prostitute’s the disgusting one? As opposed to the professional killer?

              Hmmm….

              As I say, it’s a weird world out there.

              So it goes…

            • @The Wet One….

              Funny. Reads like “The Laches”, a Socratic dialogue written by Plato.

              In stead of “What is courage?” I guess it is, “What is disgusting?”

              Oh well.

        • I often disagree with you Jules but I agree with you on this. I think sex work is disgusting ,that’s my personal feeling). I don’t want to judge the people who do it though. They have their reasons and who am I to judge. But the thought of having sex with a sex worker is disgusting to me. I’m not sure I’d even want to have sex with a guy who admitted to me that he’d had sex with a sex worker.

          • The Wet One says:

            What about a guy who had a one night stand, or several?

            • A few I can understand. If it was a frequent thing or part of his lifestyle, I’d be concerned. I do not want to be involved with a player or a pickup artist. When I was in my 20’s, I started dating an older guy who had been in a mildly successful rock band for a few years in his youth. After the rock band broke up, he started an executive recruiting firm and made a lot of money. I knew he’d had a wild kind of life but then one night he told me that he’d had sex with hundreds of women. He wasn’t even sure of the number. At that point in my life (age 27) I’d had sex with 5 guys in my entire life, which Imwas embarassed about because I thought it was too many! I was pretty grossed out and, honestly, could not stop thinking about it whenever we had sex. Our relationship ended soon after.

            • The Wet One says:

              Well, different strokes for different folks. I suspect you and Jules (is Jules on this thread, I don’t recall), have similar views on these matters. There’s someone for everyone out there.

    • Don’t undermine the cartel and you will be fine :)

    • @Keith…

      You know I have a different view. I think if we were to legalize prostitution in America, even more men would use the services of sex workers.

      This would cause men to totally eschew, in large numbers, long term relationships and marriage. Why? Because, probably the minimal sex they actually get (and the quality) in these relationships would not justify entering them.

      So, this would leave an even greater number of women having to finally consider marrying the bad boys they want to have sex with anyway.

      Wow. Wouldn’t that be an interesting dynamic? Maybe then, a lot of these women would start giving the nice guys a shot earlier on in life.

      I really think this is how it would play out, especially if the price were to fall so most men could afford it once a month or even once a week. While I have zero interest in prostitutes, I know many men who pay lots of money for sex. Crazy amounts. But, they have it.

      JMO.

      • The Wet One says:

        Does this happen in other countries where prostitution is legal? E.g. Canada? The U.K., France, Germany (holy crap, Germany is like wild!), Thailand, most countries on earth?

        You might want to think through what you believe on this a little bit because you don’t have very much evidence or reason to back up your, eh, decidedly odd beliefs…

        • @The Wet One….

          I have no idea. It is a purely speculative scenario.

          All I do know is that sex is very dysfunctional in America (for whatever reason).

          As for just putting a rubber on to have sex with a prostitute, how does that change just what she is: a whore? What about the ones who give bjs without condoms and have the guy cum in her mouth? Do you think I want to kiss her? No thanks.

          Hundreds of men. Gaping orifices,….I recently ready of WebMD that more and more women are suffering from torn sphincter muscles due to anal sex. They are literally crapping on themselves….

          Look porn actresses are faking it, so I would assume the same for most sex workers. I IS about the $$$$. Now, you can take that to the bank!

          • Jules, It’s really frustrating when people attach derogatory names to women that are paid to sleep with other people, where they make up no names for people that pay to sleep with people. Please don’t refer to women, who is paid to sleep with someone or not, a “whore”. You talk about how sex is dysfunctional in America. Stop using shaming derogatory words used specifically against women and maybe will be give a chance to feel more free to express their sexuality without condemnation.

            Do you think women want to kiss men that lick other women and have “girl cum” in his mouth? Or is it only women that are “dirty” in your mind eye for having sex and what..men are clean?

            However, you do make a fair point about women’s bodies being asked and required to do unnatural things and increased pressure from men for women to perform these acts. No no wants to talk about the actual medical aspects of what happens when women have too much anal sex. But don’t act like women do that al on their own when men today are watching so much porn that they are demanding and asking their parnters to be more like porn than themselves.

            Thanks a lot for nothing for being part of the problem in degrading women for their sexual choices. I am so sick of seeing men throw around words like “whore” and “slut” with such ease. It’s truly disgusting because alot of you guys don’t even think twice about it. It’s natural for you to degrade women.

            • @Erin…

              Sorry to offend. I only used “w” word in the context of prostitutes. I do not believe most men (and women) would not use this word to shame a prostitute. The general consensus the world over is that prostitutes are regarded as w****s.

              Yes, I know the word is used to shame women who are not sex workers. Hence, I used it in the context of sex workers. Nevertheless, my apologies for offending you.

              I am not in the business of degrading women. Just because I find some of the behaviors of women a bit annoying and offensive does not mean I have to be silent about my views.

              No, it is not only women who are “dirty” in my eyes. I view some women as “dirty” or disgusting for certain kinds of behaviors. Same for men. Men who have anal sex with woman A on Monday and then get a blow job from woman B on Wednesday is just disgusting to me. It is just my personal view of the matter.

              This is one of the reasons why I have never desired a woman who has had lots of sex partners. I do not want to kiss a woman who had given 50 men blow jobs……..But, few people want to discuss the consequences of this behavior. They think a condom is the cure all. Well, the reality is condom use in America is quite low (less than 30%). The highest rate of condom use has been observed for teenagers! There are all sorts of serious diseases that can be transferred orally (hepatitis B,C….).

              Yes, the porn industry has had an impact on what kinds of acts men want women to perform. It is a sad reality. What’s worse is to hear young men brag about getting these women to do it. Only to then turn around and label her a slut, skank…..

              So, no it is not natural for me personally to degrade women. However, just as women want what they want in men, I have the right to seek what I desire in a woman too. I have it very clear on numerous occasions on GMP that women with high numbers of sex partners are undesirable for me. That is what I believe and I am not changing that view for anyone.

              Again, my apology for using the “w” word.

            • How many women have given you blow jobs, just to goose the gander here? Over 50? I’m asking somewhat rhetorically but I don’t see any difference.

            • @Julie Gillis,

              “How many women have given you blow jobs, just to goose the gander here?’

              Four. My ex wife did not do oral sex. But, I knew this before I married her. So, no big deal. Plus, I love intercourse. Getting BJs are really not my thing.

              So, there is a difference between four and 50.

            • Is there a difference between intercourse and bjs? Is it the condom thing you are reacting to? I don’t get it. If a person tests clean for STDs and was respectful to their partners… what is the difference to you between (giving or getting) four and 50? It seems like people have this idea that the mouth or vagina gets somehow used up and that the worth of a person (woman) is in how few people have been “in” her. This seems regressive to me. Men seeking sexual encounters have to be getting them from someone, and thus the math doesn’t work. Thus I guess “sluts” and “good girls.” I find it really sad stuff.

              Also to your other post about women not being discriminating about sex. That might be true for some women and some men. And not true for others. I hate quick casual encounters no matter with whom. They are not physically or emotionally satisfying, never have been and while I can have a fantasy of that hot bartender or whatever? Why bother if the encounter isn’t going to be satisfying. If I got to know him, had a relative level of trust and affection, I could see perhaps a love affair, but I don’t do one nighters

              There are likely as many varieties of response and reasons for sex as there are people. I don’t think it does anyone any good to generalize, save to confirm their own bias built out of whatever past/wounds have occurred. I’ve met men in sexless marriages, women in sexless marriages, couples who are open who do great with it, couples who for whatever reason don’t lose the spark….takes all kinds to make a world. What is best is to find the partnerships that lead you to health, happiness and wholeness however that looks.

            • @Jullie Gillis…

              “Is there a difference between intercourse and bjs?”

              Of course! They are two different sex acts. I am at a loss for that question.

              “what is the difference to you between (giving or getting) four and 50?”

              Your original question was how many women had given my bjs. Not how many bjs. Again, I have no desire to be with 50 women. Just as I have no desire to be with a woman who has been with 50 men. It about the number of partners.

              “I don’t think it does anyone any good to generalize…”

              Where was I generalizing? As for the discriminating thingy with men and women over sex, I did same “some (not all)”

              I agree there are all kinds of varieties and reasons for people to engage in sex with different types of people.

            • What does number of partner mean to you? I guess that is my question.

            • @Jullie Gillis…

              “It seems like people have this idea that the mouth or vagina gets somehow used up and that the worth of a person (woman) is in how few people have been “in” her.”

              Well, there is some medical evidence that have lots of sex with lots of different partners does make the vagina loose and certain muscles stretched. Hence, the popularity of “vaginal rejuvenation” surgery.

              Also, there is just this whole ideal of being out in public and running into an assortment of men who have slept with your wife.

              Nothing I care to be bothered with.

            • The Wet One says:

              I don’t think that vaginal rejuvenuation means what you think it does:

              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginoplasty

            • Jules, that is a myth. A woman’s vagina can get less toned with aging, just like any other muscle. That’s why doctors tell women to do kegel exercises. But having sex with a lot of men doesn’t stretch out the vagina. If it did then it wouldn’t matter if it was a lot of sex with one man or a lot of sex with different men. If this were true, then married women should avoid having sex in order to keep their vaginas tight. But again, the only thing that makes the vagina get less tight is the muscles getting flabby with age, just like other muscles in your body. Childbirth can also affect the vagina although some women have told me that having an baby/episiotomy/etc. made their vaginas get tighter (according to their husbands). Finally, post menopausal women can experience vaginal atrophy due to lack of estrogen.

            • Thank you Sarah! Correct and medically accurate.

            • The Wet One says:

              Erin, for once, and this is rare thing, I agree with you completely. YOU GO GIRL!!!

          • What a horrible and offensive comment. If they are so gross, why on earth have sex with them. Don’t answer that I figure I know…there is a serious lack of empathy and recognition that the people you are casting in such a light are human beings. This is part of what’s wrong with sex in the US, this.

            • @Jullie Gillis…

              First, let me apologize to you as well for finding my comments offensive. They were not intended to be offensive.

              Second, I am not a proponent of prostitution. However, maybe the time has come to considered legalizing it to address some of the sexual dysfunction issues. I have never engaged a prostitute. I don’t even do strip clubs or bachelor parties. I just find the two things rather degrading to women. I am not Mr. Moral High Ground….but having good standards of decency and conduct is important to me.

              Finally, I do have empathy for SOME prostitutes but no all. How can I be empathetic to a woman who is an Ivy League grad who decides to become a escort? She is not some poor, uneducated single mother hooked on drugs……She (Ivy League grad) had a choice and made a conscience decision to become a sex worker. Yes, we are all human beings. As such we are entitled to basic human dignities.

              But, I am not going to treat and respect a serial killer the same way I treat a non criminal. Why should I show empathy for a serial killer?

            • Because you are a human being capable of empathy. Showing and feeling empathy doesn’t mean that you are condoning behavior or even trusting them with your safety. It means you are capable of seeing them as a human being, offering the same respect you’d offer anyone.

              I mean, it’s what I try to do, even when it’s difficult. Because to do otherwise means selling out what I believe is my humanity.

          • The Wet One says:

            Sigh…. I’ll leave the task of talking to you to others…

  8. First of all, if you know a lot about human sexuality, you’d learn that’s at men do not connect sex with love anyway so although the female is completely genuinely making love, the man is only capable of that to a very low degree. You can argue it and its not what you want to hear maybe but it’s the truth. Look it up. So to accuse someone of not having a genuine sexual experience is inaccurate at the very least. Secondly, we all pay for many things that make us feel good. Everything from massages to therapy to make up- all are disingenuous on a certain level when you think about how we’re relying on another person or product to make us feel good. I think we need to really examine why we would judge someone for hiring male escort. I think it’s a reflection of ourselves rather than another.

    • Martin Nash says:

      And women can’t reverse park or catch a ball.

      Wow, broad unfounded stereot-yping is easy. No wonder so many resort to it.

    • @Amy,

      You are just plain wrong.

      There are multitudes of women who do one night stands for just sex. There is no love whatsoever. So, it is almost like men.

      Hence, I must beg to differ.

    • Speak for yourself, if you always fall in love as soon as you have sex with someone, but don’t go claiming it’s true for all women. Look it up? Where? Did you write a book about your opinions?

  9. Hi Rachel, thanks for your article. When I finished I saw that you are in Melbourne, Australia. One point i want to bring out. I am sure it’s simpler finding a safe escort service in Melbourne than in NYC. I know if I were to ever use one in NYC I would have someone in the sex industry that I trust refer a safe escort service to me in NYC.
    You also have to know what works for you. Although sometimes when I am minus a lover, I have thought about using a service, but it’s just not for me. Thanks for posting this article I appreciated it.

    • Thanks Sheri. I’m actually based in Sydney, but the escort service who put me onto this client of theirs is Melbourne-based. These companies are few and far between in Australia – there are a couple in Melbourne and I think one in Sydney and one in Brisbane.
      The debate here has been really interesting. While obviously not for everyone, the co-owners of the company have a variety of women seek them out. Some are high-flyers with no time for a relationship (much like this case study above) while others may be IN a long-term relationship but their male partner has erectile dysfunction or other sexual issues and has told them to go and use the service with his blessing. Other clients are bicurous (they have a female escort on their books) or in a relationship looking to spice things up (as KKZ says below). Also, they said they get a number of young women contacting them (they cater to mainly 40-60 year olds) who are virgins and want to have experience before they get into a relationship, or who’ve had bad experiences and want to learn different techniques – almost using the escort as a type of sexual surrogate in a way.
      Different strokes, eh :-)

  10. I don’t feel any moral barriers to hiring an escort, just financial ones. But I’m guessing that if a person is working such long hours that they don’t have time for a relationship, and are so high-status that they need this level of discretion to carry on, the tradeoff is that they have a good bit of disposable income that I don’t.

    Costs aside, yeah, nothing really wrong with this, and I would consider it if I had a need and knew of a reputable service. And it seems really useful if you’re in a relationship and want to recruit a third party for bedroom fun. Finding the ideal willing third on the open market is really really tough, why not just hire one that comes with a guarantee of no strings attached?

  11. Interesting read.

    I can understand why certain types of women would rather hire an escort opposed to continuing the dating experience in such an unpredictable and sometimes fatal society.

    Hats off to whatever woman is comfortable with allowing another woman in bed with her man.

  12. Hmmm…this article brings up a lot to think about..
    I like the ideal of an escort when you’re single and have an important event to go to, that you don’t want to attend alone…but not sure about the sex part…

    Also, I’m an avid Tango Dancer and in Buenos Aires they have what’s called, Taxi Dancers. Tango dancers for hire (men and women) that will “escort” you out for a night of dancing and fun. You can even request height, age range and looks if you want. I haven’t tried this yet, (my boyfriend and I met Tango Dancing) but I have friends that have done it and were extremely happy with the results.

    Sometimes I think we’re a little less progressive than other countries in this arena because the word “escort” unfortunately means sex in the U.S. And I don’t know for sure but by reading the above article that’s the kind of escort she’s talking about.
    Too bad.

  13. Finally a great article about the industry. Based on my personal experience, being an escort is so much more than just sex. It’s a mix out of being a lover, friend and counselor. Oh and yes I do cook as well :)

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