I Saw you Staring at my A**: Watch What Happens to That Guy in Yoga Pants

Dressed in Yoga Pants, he’s experiencing what it feels to have guys staring at his butt. 

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YouTube user FouseyTube says:  “A friend of mine told me recently that I had no idea how hard it was to be a girl. Because when she wears leggings, everybody stares at her butt. So today, I’m gonna find out exactly how hard it is”.

And there he goes. In a parking lot, he’s pretending to look for stuff in his car, and letting the approaching men have a sight of his yoga pants. Not only does Mr. FouseyTube discover how it feels, but he chooses to confront the men who stare at him in a funny and relaxed way. The lesson is good for them. It is good for us as well. As a reminder that nothing’s innocent in the way we look at women.

I Saw you staring at my butt

 

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About Gregory Jaquet

Gregory Jaquet is living in Costa Rica with his wife and two daughters, age 1 and 3. He is previously from Switzerland and France. He recently quit his job as a police detective with the National Swiss Police in order for him and his wife to volunteer with national NGOs in Costa Rica. Gregory's work is with the Instituto WEM, where he meets with more than 500 men weekly, to talk, teach and exercices together about modern masculinity and non-violent lifestyle. His specialty is body language and theatre activities, driving classes with Costarican men, and collaborating with psychologists in the therapy groups. Find him online here: Blog L'homme simple on Facebook and Twitter

Comments

  1. JJ Vincent says:

    I actually really dislike this. The was he aggressively flirts with/pursues the men in an effeminate voice would read as “gay” to most people, reinforcing a stereotype we fight all the time (oh, you’re a man, you want me, eeewww).

    I understand he was trying to do a turn the tables, but I wish he’d have found a way to do it without resorting to gay stereotypes.

  2. Michael Rowe says:

    As others have said, while I applaud the author for wanting to turn the tables on men staring at “women’s” asses, there is an undercurrent of homophobia running through it that is very, very disturbing to watch. Is it really impossible for straight people to get their shit together around the often-troubled relationships between men and women without engaging that cultural homophobia through the use of offensive—and very dangerous—stereotypes. I’m glad that the author had his cameraman, and I’m glad that he was secure enough in his heterosexual privilege to play this particular game, but engaging the accidental lust of straight men, then shaming them once they realize they’ve been tricked, is the kind of thing that gets gay and trans people beaten to a pulp, or murdered. Very hard to watch.

    • Supra deluca says:

      “(…)engaging the accidental lust of straight men, then shaming them once they realize they’ve been tricked, is the kind of thing that gets gay and trans people beaten to a pulp, or murdered.”

      So are you saying most of the straight guys that beat or murder trans and gay people do so because their lust were “accidentally engaged” and then shamed? Sorry, but I do not see it, at least nor for the majority of them.

  3. I found myself cringing for all kinds of reasons while watching this. The first was the overt homophobia that it demonstrated as if a man noticing a deliberately staged attention seeking act of showing off his tush, was a show of interest in sexual interaction. It’s like having a purple spotted giraffe in a room that dancing in front of you and expecting you not to notice it. He also actively engaged the passersby, pulling them into the scene. Those he confronted in many cases, felt threatened and postured back at him, rather than laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was. I don’t think it proved his point at all. Most women I know (even if they are wearing tight clothes) aren’t provoking anyone by shaking their butt. Scary stuff):

    • No Man in Particular says:

      I agree. *Maybe* looking at someone’s butt is an invasion of their personal space. Verbally confronting someone with an argument and an accusation just because he turned his head a certain way is *definitely* an invasion of personal space.

      If one person has the right to wear whatever he/she wants, then other people have the right to turn their heads the way THEY want. How is criticizing someone’s eye movement more acceptable than criticizing the way someone dresses?

      • And other people have the right to confront those turning their heads to look at their body parts…wouldn’t you agree?

      • ahem……..Because the men’s self control is a more important factor than the woman’s “self control” to put on clothes

      • Supra deluca says:

        People do not criticize “eye movements”, but blatant and invasive staring. Staring, because of whatever, is really uncomfortable and feels very invasive. STARING, not innocently looking for a while or so. Just a matter of education and civilized ways.

  4. No Man in Particular says:

    I was sort of sympathetic until you got to this:

    “As a reminder that nothing’s innocent in the way we look at women.”

    That sentence jumped the shark. This suggests that every time a man looks at a woman for any reason he has something to be ashamed of. (If something isn’t innocent, then it’s….what….guilty?) This falls right back into to the puritanical trap that sees sexual attraction as evil and things that are non-sexual are “innocent.” Somehow lust is impure and not innocent. What century is this?

    My rebuttal: looking at a butt CAN be innocent. A man should not feel ashamed that he looked at someone else’s body with sexual thoughts in his mind. He should try to be considerate and not invasive when he does so, but it is not inherently BAD to look at a stranger’s body.

    There is no such thing as “the right not to be looked at.” You’ll accuse me of victim-blaming, but: if you don’t want people to notice your butt, don’t wear tights, bend over, and stick your butt into the parking lot.

  5. The lesson is clear.

    Be careful staring at someone’s ass.

    That person could be an aggressive nutcase. Only stare if you have an escape route and/or are prepared to defend yourself. The strangest things can set people off sometimes….

    • N.C. Harrison says:

      This is probably the story’s best takeaway. People are weird and, on occasion, do supremely weird things; no matter if you’re a boy or girl you can’t control them, only how you respond to them. And the guy in yoga pants is definitely behaving… oddly… for one in a public space, male or female. I would probably cross the street. But then again, I am also a student of Ueshiba, Rory Miller, Larry Kane and–to a lesser extent–Animal MacYoung. That surely colours my perceptions.

  6. Can someone explain to me where the homophobia is being displayed? I had a different reaction to this story entirely. I might be missing something that everyone else sees.

    I know that some of the men were bothered by their response to the fact that they were looking at a man’s butt, but is that enough alone to call it homophobic? Maybe it is. I’m not really sure what to think.
    What I did like was that a man was willing to put himself out there to see what it’s like for women. There were even two women who looked at his butt. Although he got a bit aggressive, I thought him confronting the people for their wandering eyes was interesting. He didn’t have to be so silly about it but I didn’t find him “effeminate” either. Maybe that’s just me though.

    I think it would have been interested to see a girl also do the same experiment, with the same car, wearing the same outfit and have her also confront the guys who did it and see how they reacted to her as well. Rarely do girls call guys out for ogling them. There is a way to call a guy out for it respectfully. And I can agree that this guy should have probably handled it with a little more care since he was doing a social experiment.

    I didn’t like how the one man said “sorry” only after he realized it was another man and said “I thought you were a girl”. The implication being that it’s okay to ogle women but when you get caught ogling a man, he deserves the respect of an apology.

    I did like how the one guy was like, “Yeah, I was looking! It’s a nice ass.”

    I also wonder how many people may have walked by who didn’t look? When you see a small concentration of the same outcome in a 5-10 minute video, it can skew your perception. I admit to having an inner eye roll at the guys all looking as they walked by.

    • “I did like how the one guy was like, “Yeah, I was looking! It’s a nice ass.” “

      That was very revealing to me as well.

      Verbally confronting a staring man like that only works if the man already has some bit of guilt about staring. If he’s not embarrassed easily or doesn’t feel that there’s anything wrong with staring, then the man may just say, “Yes, I was staring. So?” Or, “yeah, I was. While we’re on the subject, it’s a nice ass.”

      If a man’s embarrassed to be caught staring, then that ought to tell him something. Why do something that you don’t want to get caught doing? If you don’t want to get caught doing it, then how can it be acceptable behavior?

      By the same token, if I’m going to stare, I have to be willing to own my look. I look at asses, but I’m prepared to admit it if someone asks me about it.

      “Were you staring at my butt just now?”
      “Yes. I was.”

      If I don’t feel guilty about it, then I won’t be embarrassed if someone asks me. Someone can call me on it, but I won’t have anything that I need to defend.

      • Hearing your response and giving this a second thought, I think there has to be a middle ground between “Yeah I was looking” and showing no care for how that other person may receive the attenion. If someone catches you looking and they don’t like it, then you should be honest you were looking but apologize too. If someone catches you looking and they are fine with it, then both parties agree it’s okay. But you can’t just say “Yeah I was looking and if they don’t like it F* them, their wrong, my lust is right.” That’s not fair to the person who has a legitimate right to feel disrespected by the looking. Looking at someone isn’t always bad but neither is someone who may feel disrespected by it.

        Alot of men forget that women deal with this alomst 24 hours a day. We are always being scrutinized for our bodies. Not just by men but by society. It’s not just one or two guys who may have given us a lustful look or said something about our bodies in the course of our lives. Sometimes things have a way of weighing on you. When you got so many x amount of guys looking at your body, objectfying you for your body, it’s not fun. When you catch tidbits of conversation here and there on how men talk to each other about women, it doesn’t feel good all the time to hear what men say when they don’t think women are listening. (I am sure it’s the same for men with women but lets focus on this topic for the time being.)

        Alot of women are trying to communicate that they don’t always like it and men sometimes get angry or frustrated that women sometimes feel that way. There is a middle ground between those two positions. A woman shouldn’t scream and yell at a man who noticed her body. And a man should understand why his looking may not be flattering to her and even might not feel respected by it.

  7. JJ Vincent says:

    Not only does Mr. FouseyTube discover how it feels
    I don’t believe he did. If you showed a random group of women the person bent over the car and the guy looking at them, those few seconds only, and ask how they would feel if that was them, I doubt the majority of their responses would line up with his feelings as we see them.

    but he chooses to confront the men who stare at him in a funny and relaxed way.
    Maybe he felt like he was funny and relaxed. But more than a few of these encounters turned to tense, borderline aggressive, and potentially ugly. And he felt it, too. Written all over his actions, words, body language. He did not calmly ask a question. He was confrontational. I agree with another commentor who said, “…more about their responses to a guy hitting on them.” Whether or not that was his intention, it certainly came across that way, and unfortunately the negative responses he chose to show are all too common.

    The lesson is good for them. It is good for us as well. As a reminder that nothing’s innocent in the way we look at women.
    Maybe I’ll spend my entire life being seen as guilty, but I do look at women (and men). I don’t stare and ogle – that’s just flat rude – but I will look at someone who catches my eye. Often it’s a piece of clothing or jewelry that my eye is drawn to. Sometimes it’s the whole person. There’s an aesthetic pleasure in looking at someone or something that pleases your senses. But I’m perfectly capable of glancing and moving on.

  8. What is also of interest in the clip is that all men who “looked” did so in a fairly benign manner. We do all agree that glancing is no big issue, right?

    • Nope. I don’t agree with that. I think it’s something that should be discussed.

      • trey1963 says:

        Right after we openly speak about women staring, glancing etc at men’s packages and pec’s.

        You don’t get to complain about being looked at……. unless you never look at anyone else.

        • This article is not about that topic. Why would we first discuss that when this article addresses the topic it wants to address? Why come into an article to discuss a topic and suggest we discuss something else *first*.

          Moving on, what you see as “complaining”, I see as individuals expressing their own feelings about how they want to be treated. Don’t be so dismissive of how other people feel when it’s about how they are being treated. When they are the recepients of the action.

          I’m probably not the right woman you want to talk to about looking at men anyway. It’s very, very rare that I am simply attracted to a man for a stereotypical attractive physical features. For me, it’s more about chemistry which I’ve experience with a wide range of men of different looks and body types.

          Although if a man catches a woman looking at him, he has just as much right to not enjoy her looking and to even say, “I don’t appreciate being stared at like that.” He has the right to tell someone else how he wants to be treated.

      • Hi Erin, must admit that was more of a rhetorical question. I don’t personally feel “looking/glancing” remains an act that is up for discussion. I fully accept that it is for you. This is why I would make for a terrible dictator -:)

  9. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who wears transparent leggings without something covering their ass is asking for people to stare at it. Take responsibility for what you wear people! You might as well walk around naked and get angry when people stare. Girls, cover your asses the same way you should cover your vaginas. I’m so sick of people blaming others all of the time.

    • Edy – I don’t think that this is one of those times when things need to be balanced in that way. It’s more important to adopt a healthy sense of openness, that recognizes the pleasure many get from expressing healthy sexuality – the showing and the looking. We can agree on drawing some comfortable lines, but yoga pants should not be one of them. Far too restrictive of our enjoyment.

    • Edy – I used to be right with you there. I’m all about modesty – for both men and women. If you want to wear something revealing, that’s fine, but don’t get all shocked when people stare.
      But then something happened…I started doing yoga. I’ve never “exercised” before – usually I got my exercise walking, hiking, etc., but now I need to do the “exercise thing,” if you get what I’m saying. And the only way to comfortably do exercise is to wear exercise clothing. Which is clingy. Oversized, baggy clothes do not go with yoga or other exercise techniques.
      So that puts me in a bit of a pickle: do I have to treat doing exercise as some private, intimate thing that I need plenty of extra time to change into and out of the appropriate attire for modesty’s sake, or do I treat it as a normal, legitimate activity that I can wear the clothing out in public? I don’t have a lot of time. Sometimes I need to run errands before/after my yoga session. My pants aren’t see-through, but they are clingy. Does that mean it’s OK for guys to stare at my ass? For me, I have to say no.

      • anongirl says:

        Why not? If a guy looks at our ass (just looks not gawking or stalking) is he harming you or do you just not like men noticing you in a sexual way without your permission? You do understand that a ass in tight pants is attractive right? Do you understand that something attractive tends to attract the eye?

        • There’s a difference between noticing or glancing at an attractive body part vs an uncomfortable stare down. I don’t fault men at all for the first, but the latter is threatening.

    • Supra deluca says:

      No, people are not “ASKING” for people to stare, cat call or touch. That is a very archaic and dangerous kind of thinking. I’m not surprised to see more (probably) American straight dudes thinking like that, though. You guys really never learn and are way too egocentric to see anything beyond your own penis entitlement. Be more civilized and respect others already!
      And yes, if I stare at someone, that is MY fault and MY responsibility… no one is forcing me to stare at anyone or anything. Hey, some people have deformities that can catch a lot of attention…. maybe I should stare as well, because they are not “responsible” enough to cover it up? That is just the VERY SAME concept.

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