I’d Court You If I Didn’t Have to Objectify You First

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About Curt Moyer

Curt Moyer is an MFA student at New Mexico State. Read a poem of his here: linkity text

Comments

  1. Right on Curt! Someone who shares my same morals. I often laugh that I will never have a relationship or sex again because of these morals. It’s hard for a gal to find an upstanding guy that wants to find out first if there’s a connection, let alone sex. I also won’t have sex until an STD test is shared (mutually). I decided to take down my match account because all it attracted were horney narcissits. One went as far as to grab my boob on the second date! HELLO! The art of courting is all but dead.

  2. I am a feminist and I think sex-negative feminism is the worst thing that happened to human sexuality since religion!

    We are all sexual individuals. It’s just part of us! But just because you can appreciate someone’s looks, does not mean you can’t appreciate their brains and the rest! Go talk to those women, you have the right to do that and they might like you!

  3. Rich Krzyzanowski says:

    I think Celeste hit the nail on the head. Just don’t hit on women. Talk to them. Be curious about them. Ask questions. Respond to them. I went on a bit of a celibate streak for similar reasons. What I found is that if you can approach a conversation with a woman without any sexual energy attached to it, the probability of a real connection goes way up! When you start finding real connections with people, attraction will flourish and a relationship is right around the corner from there. So keep your head up. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Smile. Be honest and vulnerable. And have fun; your worst case scenario is that your situation doesn’t change and you’ve talked to a bunch of women who you may or may not be attracted to, but you will have learned from the experience of talking to all of them.

    Good luck, brother,
    Rich

  4. One thing I’ve noticed over the years (especially in job interviews) is that people pick up on your demeanor and believe whatever superficial messages it sends. So, if you don’t believe you are a worthwhile person, other people will see it and many of them will believe that you believe you are less valuable because you actually are less valuable. This is completely false but it’s probably contributing to your difficulty getting a girl.

    Being painfully aware of objectification can be very crippling, I feel it when I’m not trying to be a bigot around other marginalized groups and I get pretty uncomfortable because I’m just sure that I’m going to say and do something stupid.

    So in an attempt to help I have some suggestions.

    Gain friends first:. But make a concerted effort to “just” be friends. branch out in their body types and personalities, check over everything to make sure you’re not thinking less of a girl just because she isn’t stereo typically beautiful. -Why it will help- It will give you something to think about that might productively help you to overcome objectifying women and therefore overcome your fear of objectifying women also once you’re her friend, it will be a lot easier to know her.

    Don’t worry about the friend zone: As far as I am concerned the single best group of people that a person can search for long-term partners in is the friend group. Yes, many girls don’t see it that way, but I guarantee, if there is chemistry there (and she is emotionally/mentally stable enough to listen to her soul) she will know if she wants to date you. A lot of the time, as you relax, she may notice that process and her opinion of you will change as you grow emotionally.

    As for how to talk to a girl without feeling sleazy: Focus on consent! It literally fixes just about every problem that society has toward women (and also men). Because a lot of women are skittish (for good reason), you might get told “No” a lot, but if while hitting on a girl, you take extra steps to let her know that you respect her decision no matter what it will go leagues toward making her feel more comfortable and making you feel less sleazy.

    Best of luck :)

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