They say behind every great man is a great woman. I can’t quite say that I’m a great man yet, but there’s no doubt that Vicky has proven to be an amazing woman.
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I’ve been a husband for over three years. Obviously, I couldn’t be a husband without my wife, Vicky.
Being a husband, father, and entrepreneur all at once takes a lot of sacrifice.
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I’ve been a father to beautiful baby girl Maya for almost six months. Of course, I couldn’t be a father without Vicky. And I’ve been an entrepreneur since July 2012. I owe that to Vicky as well.
Being a husband and a father were inevitable. Being an entrepreneur didn’t have to happen. But it did, and I couldn’t be an entrepreneur without the financial, and more importantly emotional, support from my wife.
Being a husband, father, and entrepreneur all at once takes a lot of sacrifice and compromise, and of course, not only on my part. Vicky arguably has sacrificed more than I have, and I owe everything to her.
Here’s our story and how she has supported me every step of the way.
Helping me quit my job to become an entrepreneur.
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Let’s go back to pre-July 2012.
I had an awesome job working in the Marketing department for the Washington Capitals, DC’s pro hockey team. This was essentially a dream job for me at the time. I worked hard to land it. I left a high-paying career in consulting, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to get my MBA, and hustled hard to obtain this gig in an industry for which I had so much passion.
But after almost five years, I developed an entrepreneurial itch that I had to scratch. I then had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life–do I leave this great job and risk it all to become an entrepreneur?
There were so many things to think about, so many questions to answer.
What will I do if I fail? Can we afford to forgo my solid, steady salary? Will the stress and instability of entrepreneurship cause tension in our relationship?
My wife was crucial to the decision process. Even though she knew the risks involved and the sacrifices she would have to make if I left my job, she provided an objective view on every issue and helped me, with minimal bias, answer questions and address concerns.
Most importantly, she saw that leaving my job to launch a startup was something that I needed to do, and she didn’t want anything to hold me back from chasing that dream.
She assured me not to worry about our household’s finances, and that she would carry the bulk of the financial load.
The support she promised helped me feel confident in taking the leap, and I couldn’t have come to that decision without her.
Dealing with the Ups and Downs of the Entrepreneur’s Journey
I admit that I haven’t gotten very far in the last three years. My journey has been a series of starts and stops; one-step-forward, two-steps-back scenarios; and a lot of ups and downs.
Though that’s typical in the world of startups and entrepreneurship, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been frustrating to me. And I imagine that it has been just as frustrating for Vicky.
First, she’s had to endure my emotional swings and constant ramblings of self-doubt as I deal with this roller coaster ride.
More importantly, she has put a lot on the line and sacrificed her money and energy on my career. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is second guessing my decision.
But Vicky has been nothing but supportive and encouraging throughout the entire process.
My first startup, a smart calendar application, failed because our team didn’t have similar visions of what our company should be. Vicky assured me that I would bounce back and find a new team in no time, and I did.
The startup I’m working on now, ribl, hasn’t been moving fast enough for a number of reasons. All I do is complain to Vicky about this, and she listens and provides feedback and input on how I can move ribl forward.
I recently launched a podcast called the Go and Grow Podcast, and she’s been super supportive of this new venture as well.
Vicky understands that unlike many other jobs, entrepreneurship doesn’t follow a linear process. She knows that there are going to be ups and downs, and she’s been on this ride right beside me, every step of the way.
The Arrival of Baby Maya
We welcomed our wonderful baby daughter, Maya Anchi Chan, to the world on May 14, 2015.
Of course, the birth of your child is a beautiful, amazing event. But there are few things that cause more change and flip your life upside down as much as having a child can.
In addition to producing a constant stream of soiled diapers and causing a lack of sleep, the birth of Maya has amplified the questions and concerns of my career path.
We’re running out of space in our condo, and my lack of stable income is holding us back from moving to a larger home.
We have to save money for Maya’s education and many other things, and again, the minimal income I bring in hinders our ability to do so.
And the fact that I haven’t made too much progress on my startup endeavors in the last three years makes these concerns even more magnified.
These issues have caused me to more deeply reflect on how to move forward with my career and assess the options that I have in front of me.
Again, Vicky has been super supportive. We’ve had many conversations about my next steps and the options that are available.
We’ve worked together to ask the right questions, evaluate all of my choices, and form a plan to figure out which one is best.
Vicky has been an amazing wife, mother, and supporter of my career from the very beginning.
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And while she has asked for timelines on a decision, never once has she given me a hard ultimatum. She has shown that she’ll support and be there for me for whatever happens in the future.
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Conclusion
Vicky has been an amazing wife, mother, and supporter of my career from the very beginning.
When I needed to make the toughest decision of my career, one where we would both have to sacrifice, she was there to help me decide to pursue my dreams.
Whenever I have to deal with the roller coaster ride of entrepreneurship, Vicky is there to tell me that everything is going to be all right.
And now that we have a child, which puts a lot of pressure on our time and finances, she is still right by my side supporting my endeavors.
They say behind every great man is a great woman. I can’t quite say that I’m a great man yet, but there’s no doubt that Vicky has proven to be an amazing woman.
And I owe my being a husband, father, and entrepreneur all to her.
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Photo: Flickr/ Junichi Ishito
I can’t help but wonder what fmnsts would say if the roles were reversed. A man contributing his wife to his success is valid and socially acceptable but it’s not if the roles were reversed,
Hi Tom,
Why do you say that? I think anyone would appreciate someone attributing success to their significant other, regardless of who is doing it.