The cool quotient among preteens has Tor Constantino longing to be a luddite.
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In elementary school, I had a pair of hand-me-down pants from one of my older sisters that I hated wearing.
To be clear, this school-age cross-dressing was imposed by my parents as a cost-saving measure since they had five kids to clothe and feed.
Being that I had two older sisters, 50 percent of my “gender neutral” closet (e.g. pants, pull over sweaters, zipper hoodies … etc) was technically girls’ clothing.
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Being that I had two older sisters, 50 percent of my “gender neutral” closet (e.g. pants, pull over sweaters, zipper hoodies … etc) was technically girls’ clothing.
Hand-Me-Downs From My Sisters
I’m not proud of that fact, but it was an economic reality of my childhood. But there was one pair of slacks that was particularly problematic.
They were girls’ white-purple-pinstriped bell-bottoms from Sears that happened to be part of the Winnie the Pooh clothing collection at the mass retailer during the early 1970s.
The master-branding of Pooh bear was emblazoned across the over-sized, backside pockets of the pants in excruciatingly bright embroidery spanning from my tailbone to mid-thigh—because the pants were two sizes too large.
In hindsight, a third-grade girl MIGHT have been able to manage wearing those cursedly cute pants and not get harassed—not so if you were a boy.
Fashion Faux Pas Victim
On three separate occasions, my mother made me wear those pants to school because they were the only pants I had clean.
Regrettably, none of the traditional clothing camouflage tactics worked.
No amount of “t-shirt tugging” or “sweatshirt-tying-around-my-waist” would cover the massive geography of the adorably-damning needlework on my keister.
I was beaten up each time I wore those pants to school and each time I came home sobbing about the abuse—my mother would try to comfort me by saying,“Honey, all those other kids are just jealous of your pants.”
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Needless to say, I was beaten up each time I wore those pants to school and each time I came home sobbing about the abuse—my mother would try to comfort me by saying,
“Honey, all those other kids are just jealous of your pants.”
Even though I was neither a junior member of Mensa nor an aspiring Fulbright Scholarship applicant—my 8-year old brain knew my mom was full of it.
I mean, say the facts of the situation out loud:
“Honey those 10-year old boys who beat you up are all jealous of the same purple pin-striped Winnie the Pooh bell bottoms that your 10-year old sister used to wear to their shared classes.”
Bigger Lies I Would Have Believed
I would have been more apt to believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the assertion that the late Joan Rivers never had plastic surgery (may she rest in peace) before I believed my mother’s whopper of misdirection.
The simple fact was that those pants were not cool and a lightning rod for juvenile ridicule.
I discreetly dispatched the profane Pooh pants to a landfill where I’m sure they’re still leaching toxic levels of uncoolness to neighboring piles of trash.
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To avoid any further schoolyard pummeling, I started doing my own laundry to ensure I always had clean pants. Also, since I was responsible for taking out the trash for the household, I discreetly dispatched the profane Pooh pants to a landfill where I’m sure they’re still leaching toxic levels of uncoolness to neighboring piles of trash. Ever since then I was painfully aware of the need to be accepted in school and the importance of being perceived as cool by peers.
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Being Cool is the Rule of Law for Kids
To help our daughters avoid the same peer-induced pain I endured, my wife and I have allowed our daughters to pick out their own clothes and footwear ever since they expressed clothing preferences.
We want them to feel accepted and to have some control regarding at least one potential area of school-based cruelty by helping them dress on trend.
However, it seems that the cool-clothing equation has changed significantly since I was a kid—and what you wear is now only part of the formula.
It seems the real driver of coolness among “the preteen set” is owning a smart phone.
This became evident over a dinner conversation a few weeks ago when our oldest asked if she could have a cell phone because it would help her “be cool” when school resumed this year.
Balancing Coolness
My wife and I have discussed this issue many times regarding the pros and cons of allowing our preteen to have a cell phone. While our daughter is certainly mature enough to handle the responsibility—I’m reluctant.
It’s not that I don’t trust her; I simply don’t trust all the other individuals who have access to technology that could interface with her.
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It’s not that I don’t trust her; I simply don’t trust all the other individuals who have access to technology that could interface with her.
The Price of Cool???
While most of her friends already have uber-cool cell phones, email accounts and Facebook pages — parents of those same friends are dealing with a crop of new issues and problems (e.g. hacked accounts, spamming, false posts, cyber-bulling…etc.), which I don’t want my kids to endure yet.
In other words, despite my own personal experience as an uncool kid—I’m committed to keeping my kids as uncool as I can for as long as I can.
While that’s not a popular position right now among the “tweens” in my house, I believe it’s the right decision at this moment. If you want to know more about why I believe that, I’ve compiled some interesting information in this guide for parents titled, 101 Text Messages Parents Need to Know Now.
Photo—tinkerbrad/Flickr