Really dude? The bathroom’s empty, don’t stand next to me.
There is an unwritten code amongst men. It has nothing to do with a battlefield, or how you act in a locker room, or even how long you have to wait to hit on that cute woman at the bar after she shot down your best bud. This is a code goes beyond those trivial concerns.
I’m talking about the Bathroom Code. The last bastion of unspoken guy covenants. The standard by which all other bro codes are measured. The Alpha and the Omega. The end-all-be-all of dude rules.
For the uninformed (or just female), the Bathroom Code is simple: If there is another guy in the bathroom using either a stall or a urinal, then the guy who just came into the bathroom must make every attempt to leave a “buffer” stall or urinal between them. This should be adhered to at all times. Naturally, this can’t always be the case depending on the amount of bathroom stalls and/or urinals available or how crowded the space is. The only exception to this rule of the lavatory is if there are no other possible places to do your business or it is a legitimate emergency where you risk a hospital visit if you hold back any longer. Some men I know will risk that ambulance ride out of respect for the code. I think they are the same guys who like to yell “Bros before hoes!” while drunkenly high-fiving all of dudedom within a 10 foot radius.
To break it down even further, here’s a graphic from OfficialManCard.com that spells it out perfectly:
Why do we need that buffer space? You might think it’s for comfort. A man needs his space, right? Or maybe you believe he’s being courteous. Don’t want another guy’s air biscuits coating you over your new cologne or singeing your nostril hairs. Maybe (and this is the most likely reason, according to the latest survey by Axe™ Body Spray) you don’t want that dude siphoning off your awesomeness. It took you all day to build up all of your greatness; why should some other guy be able to bogart your hard earned manliness just by taking a whiz next you? Let him earn his own coolness, dammit.
The great philosopher The Most Interesting Man in the World once said about the Bathroom Code in some crappy Mexican beer commercial, “To shit is human; to give a buffer toilet is divine.” Or something like to that. I can’t remember exactly because I was too hammered on that awful beer he pretends to drink.
The point is this. Our society and our maleness both function because we follow a set of rules. Speed limits, child labor laws, and food safety regulations are all ways that society uses rules for the greater good. The Bathroom Code is just as important as these rules. It maintains order in a place of chaos. The Code also makes sure each of us keeps our own Level of Studness (LoS) so no other dude can steal your thunder and your greatness. LoS is the leading factor in a woman’s attraction to guys (according to no research at all that I could find, so I made it up*), so we all need to guard our own LoS jealously, especially in places where other bros can see your junk.
Respect the buffer, guys. And stay at least an arm’s length away, my friends.
*No actual studies were harmed by my ridiculous fake studies. That I’m aware of.
This is just ridiculous. Bathrooms are there for a reason. This society is so focused on over modesty and fear of I don’t know what. You’re going to catch the gay or something? Our bodies are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Whole teams of men in high schools and YMCA’s used to be fully nude. Too much body shaming. Too much insecurity. If you are a “Secure Male”, none of this should even matter.
Paul, I wouldn’t think twice about it. I don’t see it as any big deal. I grew up in a much different world. Things have changed is all. It’s not manly or unmanly, it’s simply how you feel. Have ya ever seen some women’s bathrooms? Hell,they even have sofa’s in them! We’re lucky if we get a well built dividers.
I’ve always suspected so. I think there was an SNL skit once where, on a double date, the guys actually dare to venture into the women’s bathroom to find their dates, and discover a huge open receiving area with women reclining and being fanned by half-naked dude servants while they sipped drinks.
Am I the only one who’s going to bring this up? What the hell: it makes me uncomfortable to have certain parts of my body exposed in the presence of others (except my wife). Homophobia, size shame, weirdness of it all, whatever. Even as the 8th of 9 kids I found it odd and disconcerting that it was expected of me to be exposed in front of anyone. Public bathrooms, then locker rooms in school: I was weird, this must be normal for others, I would get over my discomfort. Of course, there’s the problem with the shy bladder, and… Read more »
I’m going to be the gross one here, but some urinals have a nasty spray-back effect. I always shudder when someone saddles up at the urinal next to me on the chance that I might inadvertently end up in a splash zone of the golden variety.
This. This is the reason for the sacred code.
It’s bad enough having to minimise m own splashback. I can handle that.
Someone else’s, because they didn’t respect the code? NOPE NOPE NOPE
I’m not sure why men want the “buffer zone” … I grew up in a time where not too many urinals even had partitions. Go to Wrigley Field and you’ll see urinal troughs in the men’s room ( 50 foot long urinal ). For me, I go to the john to do what I need to do and get out.