If the guy you’re with thinks you need different breasts, maybe you just need a different guy.
This is for the lesser-endowed ladies of the world: the women who were dealt too lightly by Nature, who wondered at some point or another if they should correct the injustice through the skills of a plastic surgeon, or at least invest in an arsenal of pushup bras.
Despite the typical male preoccupation with breast size, there are some of us who wouldn’t want you any other way, who see sublime perfection where others see absence.
Maybe we’re just not as vocal as some.
We’re not the guys working construction who whistle chauvinistically from across the street three stories above you as you walk to work.
We’re not the ones throwing themselves at you at the frat party. Or your friend’s wedding, countless drinks in.
Maybe we’re the ones quietly taking you in from five tables away. Listening to your voice. Your perspective. Your sense of humor. The witty way you referenced an F. Scott Fitzgerald line in the middle of ordering your drink.
And yes, don’t worry, we snuck a good, long look at your body.
But maybe it’s not a giant rack we’re looking for.
Maybe we happen to love the sleek lines of your silhouette, the elegant simplicity of your form.
Maybe there’s something fearless and yet vulnerable about your petite frame that draws us.
Maybe we’re actually turned off by someone who’s used to transfixing men with her obvious, womanly attributes.
Some of us grew up as athletes, amongst thin, athletic, small-breasted women and grew to like different physical traits than most guys. Like the tight calves of a runner. Or the strong thighs of a skier. Or the muscular stomach of a volleyball player. Maybe we know that having an athletic woman at your side means being more likely to live an adventurous and daring life. (Not just in the outdoors, but in the bedroom, too…)
Guys like me, like the fact that you’re used to having to win people over with your mind and personality, not what was peeking through your blouse.
For me, an A-cup puts you on the A-list, every time.
Some of us have learned from experience that small-breasted women often have larger minds. Or better moves on the dance floor. Or more optimistic attitudes when the chips are down. Because you’ve been overlooked by luck before. And it didn’t get the better of you then, either.
Hell, some of us are just ass-men.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against large-breasted women. Many of them are good friends—or even exes. And yes, many have just as sharp a mind, as buoyant a spirit, or witty a retort as you.
But there’s something about you A-girls that I just can’t shake.
Maybe you’re just a bit lighter—at how you handle life. Maybe the thing you think you’re lacking has given you so much more. And you’re better able to move around the obstacles of life a lot quicker without it.
Whatever it is, I, for one, am under your spell. I swoon when you walk into the room. I want your first dance, your next kiss, your every smile.
You have more admirers than you know.
If the guy you’re with thinks you need different breasts, maybe you just need a different guy.
—Photo avaviel/Flickr
About Mark Radcliffe
Why, thank you Mr. Radcliffe.
What a boost this has given my self-esteem. Thank you.
Finally, some recognition! This made my day. Thank you!
Bravo, Mr. Radcliffe. I’m also a fan.
My good god the generalisations in this article. And not just about big busted women, but alao about small breasted women, and abou men too. I’m on my phone or I’d say more. I may comment more tomorrow when I’m my computer.
Pretty much what I got out of it too. I’ll give Mark the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was doing it to make women feel better about themselves rather than pretending to be the sensitive guy to get more tail.
I understand the intention of this article: to praise non-conforming/non-traditional female bodies and promote alternative models of feminine beauty.
But it fails. Objectification of a person, whether based on small or large breasts is somewhat demeaning. It’s as demeaning as when women praise men with small dicks, expecting a high five for challenging mainstream beauty standards. It just isn’t genuine to say you love small breasted women because they’re smart or funny or athletic or whatever just on account of their tits. Those things are unrelated.
The generalizations don’t work as impersonal “we” statements. Who is “we”? Who are these people that assume big-breasted women are not as often — oh, but halfheartedly not always! — unused to transfixing men with their mind and personality? Is it improbable to imagine a group of big-breasted women who’re smart, charming, and attract men based on a combination of these attributes? Certainly not all, or even most hetero men date women just for looks or personality. It’s typically a combination.
But that’s just one example of a bad generalization. There are other examples which the post goes back and forth on contradictorily, and which I’m sure other commenters can point out. It would’ve been better if instead of making objectifying value judgements on behalf of a vague group of men you had simply said, “this is what *I* like and why.” Seriously. Speak for yourself in this case, because this article just tastes wrong to me.
I agree with you. completely. And I wonder why it is that in order to praise one attribute, we need to insult another.
Zek, thank you for saying this! This article left the same icky taste in my mother. To make another comparison, it’s akin to when men praise “real women” for having “real curves.” Frankly, no lady should feel like she is less than a woman because she is lacking in “real curves” (whatever the hell “real curves” are anyway. I mean, I understand the sentiment behind that phrase, but c’mon people, all curves and bodies are valid and therefore “real.” The only curves, or not-curves, that aren’t actually “real” are the ones generated by photoshop).
The wonderful thing about human attraction is that it’s so endlessly diverse. Instead of making sweeping generalizations about what body type is the most truly beautiful or precious (“Hey small breasted ladies, worry not! *I* know that you are the real *gems* of the female species”), why don’t we settle on the following notion: for every individual body that exists (man or woman or people who identify as being somewhere outside of or in between those categories), there is at least one person out there who finds that body incredibly sexy and appealing just as it is, who wouldn’t want it any other way. That’s physical attraction at it’s best; someone loving and admiring a body (even their own!) not for what it could be or for what standard or type it adheres to, but for the mere reason that they just find it so inexplicably effin hot.
Yes, I know that notion is incredibly romantic and unrealistic and ignores the very real and very pervasive ideals we have about bodies in our society (not to mention the very real effects those ideals have on people). I know I’m ignoring the fact that many people do actually have “types” that they prefer. I know that what I said didn’t even touch on some of the problems of mere physical attraction and how that ties in with bodily objectification and fetishism. And I know the notion that “all bodies are beautiful” is considered dumb and cheesy, but when we break it down to the scenario laid out above, isn’t it true on some level?
Also, on a totally different and completely snarky note…thanks dude-author, as the obvious authority on this matter (being a dude), you have suddenly reversed all the years I spent growing up in a patriarchal society. You also should have mentioned that I don’t need to wear make up either.
WHOA! I just realized i wrote “icky taste in my mother.” it’s supposed to read “icky taste in my MOUTH.” aaahh!
Any Freudian therapist would have a field day with that one!
Thanks for clearing that up.
This is not a rhetorical question: Big or small, why does it have to be about how a woman looks? My husband contends “men are visual creatures” – what say ye?
Do I want to be loved for who I am? Yes, but this article distills “who I am” to a cup size.
“why does it have to be about how a woman looks?”
It doesn’t. It just seems that way because looks is all most of have to go on before we actually meet other people. I remember asking women to dance and having them turn me down. I would think that it’s only a dance. I’m not asking you to marry me. People really need a place where they could just meet and get to know each other without the sexual pressure of trying to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. That’s probably why people office date or meet someone at school. You get a chance to see what’s inside.
As a large-breasted woman who has just recently learned to truly love her breasts, I used to envy smaller, perky, more obedient boobs. I wanted to like this article. I really did. But it just contributes to ths sterotypes of both big-chested and small-chested girls and adds to the polarization around women’s bodies. Fat VS. Skinny, Big tits VS. small tits.
And obviously women with big chests are not athletic and women with small breasts are?
“Maybe we’re actually turned off by someone who’s used to transfixing men with her obvious, womanly attributes.” – Yes, I know some men enjoy looking at my tits. But I resent that this sentence implies a level of manipulation.
“Guys like me, like the fact that you’re used to having to win people over with your mind and personality, not what was peeking through your blouse.”
Mother Fucking EWWWWW. This statement is so insulting, I have no words.
“Some of us have learned from experience that small-breasted women often have larger minds.”
THIS CONTRIBUTES TO A STEREOTYPE THAT BECAUSE I HAVE BIG TITS I AM NOT SMART. OH, AND I AM EASY I HAVE HAD TO FIGHT THIS MY WHOLE LIFE!!!
And obviously women with big chests are not athletic or adventurous and women with small breasts are?
“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against large-breasted women. ”
This smacks of “I am not racist, some of my best friends are black.” You make generalizations and then assert that they are not detrimental because, hey, you have some friends who have big boobs.
This article is simplistic, dualistic, polarizing, insulting, and just serves to further stereotype women by their bodies. It is not something I would expect a male ally to write.
I was going to comment but you said it better than I could. I realize the article was well intentioned but it comes across as pretty insulting to women of all shapes and sizes.
Word.
@ Missy
“And obviously women with big chests are not athletic”
Although I don’t agree with it, it may be because breasts are to some extent perceived as a function of body fat. I use the term perceived because I’m not 100% sure of the physiology, but that’s what I heard. Very few women can be perceived as having a high percentage of body fat (although many guys prefer it that way) and still be considered athletic unlike men who could become nose tackles or sumo wrestlers.
You do know that not all small-breasted women have “petite frames” or are athletic? All this is doing is fetishizing a different body type than that which is portrayed as the media ideal and being self-congratulatory about it. I have smell breasts and far from a petite frame, thanks for calling me unattractive indirectly in exactly the same way the media does every day!
Last time I checked I was not defined by the size of my breasts nor do I look to men to hoot and holler for my daily dose of confidence. I’m glad YOU have decided to let women know we no longer have to be ashamed of our breasts if they are the “wrong” size. How magnanimous of you. Now I suggest you aim your gaze and ideas a little higher.
Yeah, I had the same thought.
As one of the well endowed, I have spent an entire lifetime of men talking to my boobs. Pity that they can’t answer the questions posed, but maybe that’s _because_ they are boobs …in the classic sense of the word.
Everyone has breasts. Men, women, mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, rabbis, priests, nuns, and pastors. They are part of the human body. Women’s happen to produce milk to nourish the young. Maybe, just maybe, if you could get past your obsession with the damn things you might actually be able to have a cogent conversation. When, of course, you’re not entranced by the elegant silhouette of our petite forms.
Oh, wait! You have a penis! What was I thinking? Maybe about how big it is? Or if I stare at your crotch, maybe I can, by sheer will, turn it into a tent pole? Or maybe just a little bitty tent peg. Whatever. I’m sure whatever you have you’re worried about whether we think it’s big enough.
Probably not.
This article is in no way indicative of “what enlightened masculinity might look like in the 21st century.” It is the same old sexism of the 20th century wrapped in an wonderfully insidious, self-congratulatory shell. Mark Radcliffe does nothing but fetishize a woman’s body, subtly insult men who don’t agree with his desired trait in women, and not so subtly insult women who don’t meet his ideal. Just as protecting free speech includes protecting speech you don’t like, true body positivity means positivity and acceptance for all body types, not just what you like.
Looks at the broad generalizations in this article. Large breasted woman are easy, humorless, stupid, lazy, un-adventurous, and worst of all, they must obviously garner their self confidence from the objectification of their bodies.
Take the sentence “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against large-breasted women. Many of them are good friends—or even exes” and apply it to race. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a racist, I’ve got plenty of black friends. It doesn’t excuse racism, and it doesn’t excuse sexism either.
I for one hope that whem my daughter grows up, A cup or DD cup, size 6 or size 26, she has the self esteem and intelligence to identify and avoid sexist assholes like Mark Radcliffe and his ilk.
Well said! This kind of thing is no better than the “construction workers whistle chauvinistically from across the street.” Actually I think it’s a little worse. This article creeped me out a lot. What, should we all fall down in gratitude that the writer doesn’t dismiss us for not having big breasts?
So do my medium sized breasts indicate a medium sized mind and a body that neither attracts nor repels men? Or wait – they mean nothing except that I have breasts because I am human. They don’t indicate which books I have or have not read. They don’t indicate my level of wit. They don’t indicate my intelligence. They don’t even indicate my level of athleticism or how strong my sense of adventure may be. The only way for you to truly determine any of that is by getting to know me.
If you want to say that the notion of one body type being attractive to all people is wrong, then say that. Say that you happen to prefer slender figures while your buddy prefers fuller figures and yet you and your friends have appreciated all manner of looks in women. Say that our looks don’t define us, our minds do that. Say that you value intelligence above cup size. Say that you value knowledge above looks. Say that you wish to get to know a woman for who she is.
Stop doing what the rest of the world seems to be doing and making character judgements based on looks.
I second all the negative comments about this article. Come on, dude. Breast size has nothing to do with personality, and you know it, and pretending it does for the sake of a device in your prose piece is kitschy, irritating, and in bad taste.
This pisses me off as much as the whole “real women have curves” thing. Real women have curves, real women are sticks, real women have small breasts and DDs and are fat and skinny and in between and are stupid or geniuses or annoying or funny…real women are…ANYTHING A WOMAN CAN POSSIBLY BE!
I, too, get annoyed by the “real women have curves” thing.
I’m in shock a site called The GOOD Men Project would post such a thing.
There is nothing worse than objectifying women while trying to couch it as “praise” and purporting to be a good guy.
Who allowed this to get posted on the site?
I think I know where you were trying to come from but I have to agree with what some of the other folks are talking about here. Its one thing to say “I like ___!” but its quite another to act as if your preference is something that others should aspire to.
Me personally if we are just talking about looks (bearing in mind that there isn’t too much of a link between looks and personality) and boobs its all about proportions. But again this is just based on visuals and I wouldn’t dare think that since a given woman’s breasts are a certain size its an indicator that she would be someone I’d like to date (or even have sex with).
This comic, by Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal sums up perfectly the mistake Mr. Radcliffe has made. http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2571#comic
ONE of the mistakes, yes…
YES on the SMBC link, MIssy.
You snuck a good long look at my body?
What did that look tell you? That I have a genius IQ, that I’m well traveled, have a great sense of humor, speak three languages, and am a gourmet cook? That I’m deeply spiritual, foster animals from shelters, and play lacrosse?
Don’t patronize us any more, Mr. Radcliffe. No one’s buying it.
Have to say I don’t agree with the generalizations based on body types in the article, and many of other commentators have said it better than I could.
I will say though that I do find small to medium sized breasts the most attractive, it just happened that way and it’s simply preference. Doesn’t mean larger breasts aren’t attractive though! It’s troubled me to hear from women who were insecure about their smaller breasts, some of which felt “men” only like bigger breasts. So I wanted to shout it out at the top of my lungs that I, a man, love smaller breasts and I know I am not alone. But please also understand that is simply a part of what I am physically attracted to the most, it doesn’t take into account the various personality traits I like, the strong importance I have for closeness, respect, care, and a strong companionship.
I do NOT however assume personality traits based on breast size, nor is it the only thing I care about. I feel it’s quite wrong to assume a personality because of breast size or any other physical trait.
I also HATE the words “real woman” and regularly pull people up for the shaming behaviour they do, real women are all shapes n sizes and I really hate seeing people use it as an excuse to insult thinner women.
It’s a pity this article might have had good intentions but it definitely missed the mark horribly!
I’m pretty surprised that GMP published this; it’s so obviously a poor fit for what the site tries to accomplish; or at least what I think the site tries to accomplish.
I’m personally not interested in hearing about how a dude thinks I shouldn’t feel bad about any particular feature I might have. I already know that my looks are just fine, thanks. I don’t need validation from some dude who seems to think I need his approval to feel good about myself and my appearance. Thumbs down to this one.