“We talk so much about leaving a better planet to our kids, that we forget to leave better kids to our planet.”-Gerry Burnie
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We don’t intentionally set out to raise a jerk. However, despite our best efforts, we may just raise a child who is inconsiderate, selfish and apathetic. This isn’t about good vs. bad parenting. It’s about how our actions and behaviors can influence what our sons do and the men they become.
You don’t teach your son to have manners– I’m not saying your son has to attend the Emily Post Institute for Etiquette, but knowing how to be gracious and courteous is a no brainer. Teaching your child to say “Please” and “Thank You” takes very little effort. If you don’t think it’s necessary for him to have these basic social skills, then you’re fine with raising a jerk.
You don’t discipline your son– Disciplining your son helps him to respect rules and abide by them. It’s not corporal punishment and your son will not break down from you setting guidelines for him. Why should society have to deal with a rude and ill mannered man just because you didn’t want to discipline him? Keep this in mind: Kids need structure.
You make your son lie for you– A white lie is still a lie. Teaching your son to lie about your age, actions or whereabouts is introducing him to a world of deceit. If he lies for you, eventually he will lie to you.
You focus on your son’s good looks– I don’t care if your son looks like the lovechild of Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry, teaching him to focus only on his looks will make your son a handsome jerk. He’s has to know that his inner qualities are as important as his outer appearance. He also has to know that being good-looking doesn’t entitle him to anything in life. What’s most important are character, integrity and love.
You teach him to be materialistic-If your three year old son doesn’t know Elmo, but can spot Christian Louboutin shoes, you’re raising a materialistic jerk.
You don’t teach your son to manage his emotions– We all know the jerk who is successful but can not lead or manage people effectively. If you don’t teach your son to manage his emotions, his emotions will manage him.
You don’t teach your son to respect personal space or property– We all have different needs for personal space. At an early age, teach your son to respect the personal space of others. As for property, if he learns that
You make excuses for his poor behavior-Making excuses that “boys will be boys” or that your son is strong willed, doesn’t cut it. If your son believes that others just have to deal with his tantrums or aggression, he’ll also dismiss accountability for his actions.
You don’t teach him to forgive– Forgiveness takes practice. If your son doesn’t learn to forgive himself and others, he’ll spend his life harboring resentment and anger.
You teach him to take people for granted-Does your son show appreciation for the people and things in his life? Teach him to not take people, time or resources for granted.
Photos:
Jerk: ShazBot/Flickr
Manners: Carbonnyc/Flickr
Discipline: Grotuk/Flickr
Lie: AlanCleaver/Flickr
Handsome: 101592688@N07/ Flickr
Materialistic: Calliope/Flickr
Emotions: Isengardt/Flickr
Boundaries: Roland/Flickr
Excuses Bad Behavior: Istolethetv/Flickr
Forgiveness: 82066314@N06/Flickr
Life Granted: StampinMom/Flickr
This is a good general place to start: here are some specifics to consider, in case you are not sure if you are raising a jerk: you take umpteen billion pictures of your child or you comment on how cute they are before you comment on actions/thoughts (you focus on your son’s good looks); you lie in front of your child (possibly to get the child price instead of the youth/adult price) or you ask your child to sign something (that’s forgery) for you (you make your son lie for you); you don’t require your child to write thank you… Read more »
Marie … TOTALLY spot on as usual.
I just love this post, Marie. And I love what you’re doing at Raising Great Men. Such awesome pionts. Here’s to hoping all parents learn and apply these rules in raising their kids.