The J Word

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About Susie and Otto Collins

Susie and Otto Collins are married soul mates, certified relationship coaches, authors, speakers and seminar leaders who are on a mission to show men and women all over the world how to keep the love, passion, connection and spark alive forever. They have written numerous ebooks to share what they've learned with others, including Passionate Spark~Lasting Love. You can find them at www.relationshipgold.com and www.nomorejealousy.com.

Comments

  1. “Think about the stereotype of a jealous lover. What image come to mind?”

    I don’t know about this. I think the trope of the too-aggressive, in-your-face jealous dude is pretty pervasive. That stupid Axe commercial where the guy attacks the manikin comes to mind off the top of my head.

  2. Okay, now write an article about how to deal with jealousy – that’s what I want to know. Recognizing it within myself is not the problem. I get jealous. But what can I do with it?

  3. For the record; the first thing that came to mind when I thought about a jealous lover was a man. I can think of many, many instances of jealous males in my personal life and in popular media.

    I have no idea why the author seems to think that women are more often associated with jealousy.

    • Stephen, it’s a historical and cultural thing, to consider a woman much more jealous than a man. All I can say is, Othello, anyone? The condition of extreme jealousy is named after him, not after a woman. The amount of men who kill their partners in a fit of rage and jealousy with the theory ‘If I can’t have you, nobody will’ is alive and well, at least in the UK. Jealousy in women is common but the author is right, it’s not a woman thing, it’s a person thing. I find jealousy one of the things that will make my decision to break up with someone. It’s needy, annoying and in many cases, downright dangerous if it spirals out of control

    • … and in popular media.
      I have no idea why the author seems to think that women are more often associated with jealousy.

      i suspect this is due to generational differences and changes, in popular media depictions

  4. Yeah. Same as others. When I think jealous, I think men. Also: often when I think men, I think jealous. Yes, there’s the man and his jealous rage, but there’s also the man with his pitiful, moping jealousy, the pathetic whiner, which seems to exist wherever you turn, especially among millennials. Except for the handful of alphas, men today seem so insecure, so unsure of their own worth, so used to being put down, rejected, made to question their right to be proud as males, that the result is they cannot own their own spaces, can’t develop the confidence to know that they are as much desired as they feel desire. The result, in turn, is jealousy, which goes hand in hand with insecurity, and consequently, a breakdown in their ability to maintain healthy relationships.

  5. Yes–I agree with Dan. When a man learns how to stand in his true center, know his self-worth, challenge his beliefs that have kept him down and speak from the truth of who he is, jealousy can be a non-issue. There are also situations where present, masculine men have loved and lost and don’t know how to find themselves again because they fear that if they open their heart again, they’ll just be hurt. Jealousy can be a wake up call and a message that some healing needs to take place inside you, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past.

  6. wellokaythen says:

    I agree with several other commenters about the “jealous boyfriend” as an extremely common stereotype out there.

    In fact, I see a lot of ways that people talk about jealousy as a fundamentally male problem:
    If a man’s jealous, then he’s an insecure, controlling asshole.
    If a woman’s jealous, then that’s his fault, too, because HE must be doing something untrustworthy.

    As for the “fact check” advice, I don’t think it’s bad advice, but ultimately there’s a point where the relationship boils down to trust that can’t be verified. You cannot PROVE that your partner has NOT cheated, because you can’t prove a negative like that. The best you can do is focus on the lack of evidence and let go of what you imagine is happening.

  7. Crap, I saw “the J word” and thought this was going to be about being Jewish. I was thinking of “J Date.”

  8. Interesting article, though it would nice to address the underlying roots of jealousy, which from what I understand has a lot to do with fear . . . all kinds of it. It is funny, yes and no, how so often fear leads to all kinds of irrational thoughts and behaviors.

    I could have done without the, “If you want to have amazing sex . . .” sentence. It comes across as a little shallow in the context of the article. For that kind of information I’ll just pick up an issue of Cosmo – by my count they must have accumulated about a million tips over the years, in that regard!

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