Our sons will need a lot of guidance on many issues as they grow up. Choosing candy based on gender is not one of them.
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Today I was in a store. I heard a sweet little voice below me near the candy. She was picking up every brightly colored wrapper that she could reach. “Mommy get him the Frozen candy.” No sweetie, your father wouldn’t like it if I got your brother Frozen Candy, the mother replied. I watched as the little princess carried the candy over to the buggy where her mother was searching for a particular brand. The little girl held it up so mom could get a closer look. “Mommy, the boys at my school, likes frozen, she exclaimed.” Now that she has her mother’s undivided attention, she finally looks down at the sweet child. “Honey Daddy would not be happy if I bought him Frozen candy, reiterating assertively. Disappointed, the little girl slowly laid the candy back on the shelf. I watched as the glow left her big blue eyes and chunky little cheeks and as her little brother, waiting patiently to receive the Frozen candy placed his hands back onto the buggy, realizing he wouldn’t be taking home a pack of Frozen candy.
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For those moments, a mother taught a child that a young boy wasn’t allowed to have something that was considered “feminine and girlie.”
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As a mother, I wanted just to buy it and give it to the child. But obviously, that would have been totally overstepping boundaries and a bit awkward. As an educator, I wanted to explain that buying a boy Frozen candy wouldn’t obstruct his growth and development, just remember to assist with his bedtime brushing and flossing. As a human, I was utterly disappointed in this mother as well as society as a whole. For those moments, a mother taught a child that a young boy wasn’t allowed to have something that was considered “feminine and girlie.” These judgments, connotations, discrimination’s are all learned behaviors; it’s sad and angers me a little.
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It’s pretty clear that eating candy with a princess on it wouldn’t influence a child’s sexuality. By mom making the statement “your father wouldn’t be happy if I bought your brother Frozen candy, I learned a heck of a lot about what they were teaching their children. I’m not entirely sure they even realize how damaging these statements are, especially at a young age. If she can’t buy something light pink with a little sparkle for her young son, I wonder if her children would ever be comfortable talking to them about their specific preferences as preteens and teenagers.
However, it’s imperative that we are open to accepting our children for who they are and into whom they are evolving.
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I understand that parenting can be a bit of a challenge. I have three kids of my own. I also get that we are raised differently, with different beliefs and as husbands and wives we want to respect each other’s differences. However, it’s imperative that we are open to accepting our children for who they are and into whom they are evolving. Instead of trying to mold them into what we think is “normal.” Spend that time embracing their uniqueness, talents, strengths and creativity. These moments allow them to be comfortable in their on skin.
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With an adult’s assistance, theirs nothing wrong with a young boy enjoying a pack of snacks or candy that has Frozen advertisement. He will only melt your heart with the biggest smile because you cared enough to buy it for him! “Let it Go,” enjoy the early years and make memories!
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Photo: Flickr/ttarasiuk
Yes, but that is the side we want to talk about, how “daddy’ boxes his boy. Though innocent in nature, it is the ongoing blame game against father’s and men, while ignoring the participation of mothers, and often to a greater degree. How man mother’s have told their sons, to, on that first date, pay, open doors, pull chairs, fit the rote learned established criteria of what men “should be”. How many father’s are evicted from their children’s lives in divorce because so many women feel they are the primary parent…because that aspect of equality requires of women to “lose”… Read more »
This in no way a man or dad bashing article. What I gathered from the family was a mother who loved her husband enough to honor and respect his decision, even without his presence. Parents are allowed to parent there children however they like. However, I do believe we should be careful about what we say to and around them, especially at a young age. The little girl stating “boys at my school like Frozen,” shows that she was impacted by her mother’s statement, yet she didn’t quite understand and was too young to process dad’s reasoning. She appeared to… Read more »
Wow. You did learn a lot about the family dynamics in that encounter. That women are second class. To them. Mom had no say in what she thought. Her argument is that daddy won’t like it. What about her? So she probably capitulates ALOT. And children also are probably controlled thusly. That men have more value on thought than any of them. That the little girls observation of her world where boys eat princess candy is wrong and therefore there must be something wrong with them. That is disappointing.