The other night a friend and I were discussing the ego. “The ego is like a bottle neck for wisdom,” remarked my wise friend. I would add love, joy, and happiness to the end of this statement.
For men, the ego can be a roadblock to our emotions, wisdom, and humanness since we have been taught from an early age that our role is to build up our egos. Role models like Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs, and Charlie Sheen exemplify that men are supposed to strive for recognition, accomplishment, and financial opulence—all markings of an overdeveloped ego.
No matter how many times we are shown or told that money and fame cannot bring us happiness, we still seem to take the bait. Some of us have heard that getting rid of our egos is a good thing. Yet, this is no easy task for men in a culture which ranks us by our egos. Like an air bubble in a ziplock bag full of dishwashing liquid, the ego slips past any attempt to squash it, sometimes breaking into multiple smaller versions of itself.
No matter how many times we are shown or told that money and fame cannot bring us happiness, we still seem to take the bait.
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What I have found most frustrating is that even when I see through the illusion that the ego will bring me happiness and try to act selflessly, the ego sneaks on board and takes over the whole ship. Fortunately, I think I might have stumbled upon what might be called the kryptonite for the ego: humility.
The one thing the ego cannot tolerate is humility. The ego wants to be seen, acknowledged, and praised as someone special. When we are humble, we become invisible, don’t take credit, and pass praise onto others. Someone once told me that humility is not bowing down to others; it is recognizing that we are all at the same level. Zen Master Huang Po’s saying comes to mind: “You are no greater for being a Buddha and no less for being a human being.”
The one thing the ego cannot tolerate is humility.
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Yet even with the best of intentions to be humble, I find myself falling back into the slippery bubble of egoic consciousness. One could argue that this blog post reeks of a sneaky ego. Luckily, the wisdom traditions have given us ways to mine the kryptonite of humility. Almost all religious traditions teach compassion, gratitude, and sympathetic joy.
Compassion places us at the same level of others who are suffering. As the Latin roots of the word reveal, we “suffer with” others when we are compassionate. Unlike pity and sympathy, compassion does not place us above others as more whole, healthy, or righteous. A compassionate heart sees the divinity in all sentient beings, especially those who are suffering. Mother Teresa said, “I see Jesus in every human being. I say to myself, this is hungry Jesus. I must feed him. This is sick Jesus. This one has leprosy or gangrene. I must wash him and tend to him.”
Gratitude keeps us humble because it passes credit and praise onto others. When we thank others or God, we see and feel the interconnectedness of all life. The ego hates interconnectedness because nothing is better than anything else if we are all connected. Being grateful also centers us in the present moment. The feeling of gratitude can only exist in the present. To even say, “I will thank you tomorrow” doesn’t sit well in the heart. Or to remind someone that you already thanked them in the past doesn’t feel like gratitude. The ego is allergic to the present moment, so the more grateful we are, the less we tend to fall into egoic consciousness.
Gratitude keeps us humble because it passes credit and praise onto others.
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Finally, sympathetic joy, like compassion, levels the playing field and invites humility to play. Envy, on the other hand, builds a walled fortress where the ego can thrive. I learned this lesson the hard way in my spiritual practice. Whenever someone would talk about being awakened or enlightened, I would immediately look up to them or look down upon them. It wasn’t until I was able to feel sympathetic joy for all beings in their path towards awakening that I was able to sit in a meditation hall with humility. I think this is what the Buddha was trying to express when he said, “How marvelous! I and all sentient beings have simultaneously realized enlightenment.”
Of course, I’ve made this far more complicated than it needs to be. Everything can be summed up in the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (I like to add, “because they are you.”).
This story has been republished to Medium.
Photo credit: iStock
Agreed. Humility is SO underpracticed in America. I find myself perpetually annoyed by the unwarranted confidence displayed by most people, and their unwillingness to look at and accept their own limitations.
I annoy myself sometimes for the same reason.
Don’t be annoy, its the ego other strategy. Laugh at the mirror so you laugh at yourself. Just look how this same article, says in the top: “Be the first to Share” ~ “The finger pointing at the Moon is not the Moon”…You are almost there…Much love. bee.