Mandy Brasher speaks up for the women who just want a good meatball sub and some Old Navy flip flops
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Author’s Note: This is a humorous post about one woman’s perspective and should not be taken out of context or used to label every male and female on the planet.
It seems to be a running theme when I chat with my single brother and other men who are looking for relationships with women, this idea that all women are just looking for you to buy them shit. “They are in it for the money.” While I have met women who fit this stereotype, some men seem to forget that in the same way that they hate being categorized as an asshole for being a guy, there are women who hate to be categorized as greedy bitches because they are female. I am one of those women.
My lifelong goal wasn’t to meet and marry a doctor or date a throng of men who would take me to fancy restaurants or buy me expensive jewelry. It wouldn’t be a good investment anyway because I prefer cheap earrings that can be left on my nightstand next to a melting Snickers bar. The most expensive piece of jewelry I own is my wedding ring, and the hubs picked that little number up for around $2300 fourteen years ago. I’ve never felt the need to nag him for an upgrade and I doubt I ever will. Fancy restaurants aren’t a great place for a gal like me because I have never understood the need for more than one fork and one knife next to plate. When forced into fancy dinner situations, I usually end up getting confused and using all the forks for the salad course then eating my steak with a coffee spoon. My favorite eating establishments offer giant Philly cheesesteaks or a rockin’ salad bar.
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Trust me gentlemen, I understand your frustration. Our culture has used advertising to portray women as needing a closet full of shoes in order to be really happy and only desiring men who drive a $100,000 sports car, but they are wrong. Not all gals care about your car or Manalo heels (pretty sure I spelled that wrong cause I don’t understand $1,000 foot traps), so please stop calling all women greedy bitches. Some of us are just unfancy ladies who want to be taken to a buffet in your Toyota Camry and have you talk to us about something really interesting, like The Kardashian sisters. Nope, that’s not it either folks and here is where we can break another stereotype about women…that we all watch reality television and ache to be the center of attention like the girls who are portrayed on those atrocious programs.
Please. Never.
I would rather swallow a family of scorpions than be forced to watch women act like they are stupid in order to get a guy to buy them a drink in a bar. Speaking of drinks and bars, don’t bother. When I was single, I always turned down drinks from guys and here is why….I went to the bar to meet people and I knew that the drinks cost money. So I bought my own. It’s a kind gesture, but do it sitting down and talking to me about the most recent book you read. Let’s try that. Yes, I know there are ladies who go the bar without a wallet because they are going to ride the free drink train all night long, but that generalization needs to be buried. You can meet women, talk to women and even date women without having to buy them shit. I am sure that your mind is blown.
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Now, I haven’t been single since long before internet dating was a thing and I can’t pretend to understand the current dating scene, but I do understand this. Like men, women are all different and in search of different traits than those that the media wishes for you to believe. Please understand that when they put a hot model next to a sports car and tell you that women want a man with horsepower under the hood, they are only interested in taking your money. They don’t care if you ever find a life partner, and I highly doubt that there is any written guarantee that accompanies that $800/month payment. My advice, be yourself and trust that there are good women in the world looking for an authentic man. On the night we met, my husband offered me a warm beer out of his pocket and it was like a flashback to the Ferris Bueller school bus moment when the girl offers up her pocket gummy bears. But guess what? It worked. To this day he uses coupons when we eat out, rarely buys me flowers, doesn’t waste money on jewelry and drives a Nissan Titan. And he’s perfect for me. We eat at hole in the wall places and I always dress up real fancy in my Old Navy flip flops, because what matters in a relationship isn’t the money spent, it’s the time spent together. Men, we aren’t all greedy bitches. Some of us are just gals who want to share a cold beer and a good meatball sub with a nice guy.
—Photo Mr. iMaax./Flickr
Yes, we are real. But then it also seems that men don’t really want us. I have been looking for someone my whole life that will just scribble some sappy romantic nonsense on a sticky note and give that to me for Valentine’s day or our Anniversary. To go with me to just a simple movie and be willing to put up with the extra buttery popcorn that I like. Instead, people like me get stomped to the ground because we are not “real” or we are just not pretty enough or thin enough or just… enough of something. I… Read more »
Mindy, you are a rare ‘gem’ and I do hope your Husband appreciates how fortunate he is. ‘Greedy Bitch’ is a little bit harsh, but you would be surprised ( maybe not) of how many women who label themselves Feminist become ‘old fashioned’ when it comes to who pays on a date. Now, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a LONG time, but a young guy I’m working with (26) tells me an average date cost $200-$300 dollars! Being that according to studies,#1; men took a bigger ‘hit’ from the last recession. #2; according to the ’77 cents’… Read more »
And most men expect women to look pretty, take care of their bodies and are more attracted to women that dress well vs women who don’t. Even men that aren’t in that great of shape still want a specific kind of women. I’m sorry but a man doesn’t have to spend $200-$300 dollars for a date. I don’t even see how these young guys are racking up that much money. Even when I dated men who had really good jobs, we didn’t even rack up that much money on most nights. Even if you went out to dinner for two… Read more »
First off, if you’re willing to lower your standards to go out with some slovenly type fellow, that’s on you! The 200-300 dollar rate is actually something I’ve heard and read. I don’t know where you hang your hat, but these are New York prices I’m talking here. Actually, Momma and I went to this local Italian place we like just the other day and the bill for the 2 of us (1 shared appetizer, ! bottle of white Zinfindel, 2 entrees and the worlds best canolies) came to $125 plus tip. Want to take her to Island 16 movie… Read more »
Wait a minute! You dated men with”really good jobs” and they took you to a ‘chain’ restaurant? Oh , okay, just forget what I said.
Good writing.
But, as a guy I don’t pretend to have ever understood the dating scene. I just wonder where people meet and how does it “happen”? I pursue my interests, I’m educated and well-mannered, and open to contemporary culture. I meet people with interest, humor, respect and an open mind. Yet, there never seem to be a hint of a “spark” or even interest to meet again.
My experience as well Kal – I wouldn’t say it’s never happened but it’s certainly pretty rare. A few commenters seem to be assuming we’re looking in the wrong places. I’ve rarely seen women in a bookshop or cafe that look amenable to prolonged conversation, nevermind romantic interest.
Sometimes the same could be said about men. I don’t see many men in public that appear very open to a discusion or even a greeting. I don’t think it’s a gender thing in this regard.
Oh sure, I agree with that. Wasn’t claiming men didn’t do it. Then again, women aren’t really expected to approach.
I know exactly what you mean though, and I say that as a sufferer of Asshole Resting Face ^_^
The easiest path is usually not the best one. You say people are assuming you’re looking in the wrong place. you say you “see” women in book shops etc. It seems as if you ARE looking in the right places, book shops as well as bars, except the only time you are doing more than just looking is at the bar. It’s easier to connect with a woman at a bar than elsewhere. So you’ve looked in the right spot but only do something whiel in the wrong spot? Buying a woman’s affections is easier than having to connect with… Read more »
Except no. I’m pretty lousy in bars too. Frankly, I don’t see many women who want to be approached there either.
Pay attention and actually listen to what people are saying here before assuming and then generalising.
I like diamonds, shoes, shopping in the mall; but I also like literature, vintage discount shopping, doing my part to save the planet, helping others, cooking for others, painting, I stop to move turtles off the road or help stray dogs. I don’t go to bars that much but I do think it’s a really nice gesture when a man I’m on a date with buys me a cup of coffee. If he doesn’t, does that mean I won’t ever see him again? No, but it does give me a clue about his relationships beliefs. Which aren’t “wrong” but I… Read more »
I work in a bar. Last night a guy in their 20s asked me the “How do I keep my girlfriend happy?” question. (Because I’m a young woman and all young women want the same things.) Apparently his gf had been going hot and cold on him, and he couldn’t figure out what he was doing wrong. In the same breath, he said he has a Rolex, drives a fancy car, buys her nice things, takes her out to nice places, etc etc. He was really stumped as to why she wasn’t always happy. I just cut to the chase… Read more »
Best place to find people who don’t fit stereotypes you don’t like is to not seek them out in places most known to harbor people of those stereotypes.
Brava! More women should be like you. My wife is. I think it’s funny, though, that you say “You can meet women, talk to women and even date women without having to buy them shit. I’m sure that your mind is blown.” Doesn’t that indicate that guys don’t often encounter non-material girls? That they are rare? Maybe they’re getting less rare; I hope so, for my nephews’ sakes.
What a fun read. I know there are lots of great girls out there and guys might be wise to adjust their way of thinking before approaching a girl.
If you approach a girl in thousand dollar shoes, it’s a clue. If that’s what you want you found it. But if you really want a down to earth girl, look for them in the right place and look for the right qualities. Then, don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
Dating is so much more fun when the people you date are have the qualities you really desire.
Stop picking up on women with bleach blonde hair & boob job…chances are her last “sugar daddy” paid for it 😉
Any man that can walk up to me in a bar and talk about Star Wars, Tolkien, the latest GoT episode or even Elder’s Scrolls, that dude won for me.
I don’t need a man to buy me anything, that’s why I work so many hours a week anyways.
And since that never happens in bars, I never go out. Sad but true.
Thank you, this is such a hard thing for a simple girl like myself to relay to men who have been conditioned to think (and expect) all women to be shoe mad, diamond obsessed, shopaholics.
We are real!!! Happy that you are part of the crew and keep up the good work of breaking the stereotype. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I’m sure you’re not – but where are these girls that will just up and talk to random guys about literature?
do want
If you find this place, do let me know. That, or cheesy scifi.
Well, I see one when looking into a mirror:D
Book store. Do they have those any more? Honestly I can’t direct you, but I promise we are out there. We are busy reading books, buying ourselves drinks and shopping at the thrift store. Hey…there’s a place! Your local thrift store. 🙂
These articles are funny. these guys think girls are only after their money because the only girls they go after are ones who want their money. No guy is going to go for the girl with drap brown hair, glasses hiding her face and her nose stuck in a book. These guys don’t even know those girls exsist because they are busy looking for the “pretty” girls… and apparently guys don’t understand the money that goes into looking that way. So they complain that all woman are money hungry, when in reality all women “They Are Interesting In” are money… Read more »