Being forward and going after what you want in life is essential to success in any realm; it puts everything out on the table and does not beat around the bush, therefore, giving you more opportunities.
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As men, we are used to the burden of making the first move. It is never fully comfortable for us, but we do get better at it over time. My question is, have you ladies ever contemplated making the first move? Moreover, have you actually gone through with it?
I am sure some of you out there have done this, and others have only hoped inside that the hunk of a man you noticed would come up to you, but he failed to do so.
Now, there could be many reasons why you lack the initiative and ambition. Maybe you stick to the old-fashioned route; maybe you are scared of rejection; maybe you simply do not know how to approach a man.
Welcome to a man’s world. We, too, hate rejection and embarrassment, and some of us have no clue how to approach women. As a man, I can tell you that we do not mind a woman approaching us.
In fact, my ex approached me on a dance floor; she walked right up to me and asked to dance. I was a little taken back because it is not the norm; however, her confidence impressed me and I was attracted from the get-go.
A woman who approaches a man stands out, and we can determine a few things about her. Her bold, no-holds-barred approach tells us that she’s confident, spontaneous, brave, outgoing, direct and thinks outside the box.
All of the above are attractive qualities in a woman; they make you appear humble and real. You should never hinder your chances and opportunities by thinking you are too good to approach a man or assume that he knows you are attracted to him.
Men like to think they can tell if a girl is attracted to them, but there are always cases where we never get the hint or the other person is too shy to make it noticeable.
Men definitely appreciate it when a woman makes the first advance, and I don’t know one guy who has ever complained or made a girl feel bad about approaching him. That brings me to the next area of signs and ways to help zero in on your target.
If you do not want to immediately make a cold approach, send him a few signs to gauge his reaction. These could be done by simple flirty looks and smiles, or by complimenting him on something.
If you are with friends or guys, you are going to have to work harder because he might think one of them is your boyfriend or one of them is into you.
Also, if it’s more comfortable, wait until his friends are gone to approach or do something; we guys know the pressure of approaching a group, and it sucks.
Being forward and going after what you want in life is essential to success in any realm; it puts everything out on the table and does not beat around the bush, therefore, giving you more opportunities.
If you are shy, just go for it, and I promise it won’t be as bad as you’re imagining. Even if the guy is not attracted to you, chances are he will be respectful back.
My uncle told me a great piece of advice back in the day: “The worst that can happen is she says no.” In the end, you will learn to become more confident and not be so shy about approaching men and people in general.
This is essential if you wish to engage in conversation or get to know someone better. Just try it out; you will learn more about yourself than you ever thought.
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This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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by Sean Donnelly
Sean has been featured on Discovery Channel and VH1, and advises for social networks and TV. Further, Sean studied and Interned at George Washington University. He is a former Special Operations/Forces Marine. He has also worked for private companies such as Blackwater and multiple agencies in the Govt. He has operated in Iraq, Colombia, and Afghanistan. Sean speaks fluent Spanish and loves to dance Latin. He is a constant thrill seeker and traveler. Sean completed a full marathon, hiked 15 miles in the Mojave desert and also traveled to the Amazon Jungle. His weakness is Intelligent women and strawberry milkshakes. You can contact Sean via Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/sean.donnelly.779
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Photo: Fey Ilyas/Flickr
Wrong, Miss Ruby , “nice” guys are HATED, DISRESPECTED and women always make certain that they finish LAST! Live with it!
The last time I tried this, it was with a colleague – and also a good friend of mine of two years. He’s also two decades of my senior, but I didn’t care. Since I’m still painfully shy and not confident when it comes to this, I ended up writing him an old-fashioned (yep, that’s right!) LOVE LETTER! Not a text message nor an email, because he’s not really into technology and enjoys books and something authentic – like someone’s hand-writing. Hehe. The result? He walked me home one night and told me he’d read it (I left the note… Read more »
“You could reject a man nicely like what this man did to me, instead of acting immature and treating us as if we’re much too gross/disgusting.” I agree. And women too need to learn to be a bit more pleasant and respectful if they are rejecting a man they are not attracted to instead of playing the creep card and acting like he is disgusting. Maybe if women had the social responsibility to approach or proposition for sex more often, they would learn to both be more considerate in rejecting a proposition as well as being more graceful when they… Read more »
Very true. I also hate women like that, because they think too highly of themselves that they disrespect men they’re not interested in and bash the men who turn them down. Regardless the gender, being nice is still the key.
Great article. I would have loved a mention of feminism. A woman who identifies as feminist really has no excuse to insist that she be pursued. Even shyness isn’t a very good reason to not take charge of your own love life. You want social equality? Take it. Ask men out. Hell, try propositioning one for sex even. It’s a great and liberating feeling taking control of your own relationship/sexual possibilities.
The worst that can happen is he says no!
Feminism isn’t about women making moves on men…. and feminists certainly can have standards that insist men pursue them! Equal rights doesn’t mean that women MUST pursue men.
I totally agree with you Olivia. Thanks for saying what you did.
Sounds more like a double standard.
How so Wes? How I see Feminism, how I would define it myself is that it’s about opening up choices for everyone. If a woman wants to go to work, that opens the door for a man to have the option to stay at home. If a woman wants to pursue a guy, she should be able to without being thought a negative name. But if a woman wants a man to pursue her, that should also be a legitimate choice. We all have ideas about what kind of relationships we want. Lily seems to be saying that the only… Read more »
Erin, in a world that women have created in which men conform to what women want and expect. affect confidence, break social rules, and initiate everything or else die alone, it’s men that don’t have choice. That’s a pretty questionable conception of “equality.” Do you not see that?
Nobody is saying that women need to always initiate, but it’s inherently sexist to make men always hit on the women.
Anybody that believes in equality must believe that women have their own responsibilities here. One of the main reasons why women suffer disproportionately from image problems is because they’re trying to attract men by being hot rather than trying other strategies that are a bit more reliable.
I’ve been quite lucky in my life…my now ex approached me, and pursued me to the point of calling my parents house (easier to find in the phone book…yes, we’re going back 23ish years here) to ask my mother for my number. She had given me hers on the Saturday night and I was planning on calling her Wednesday or Thursday, but she called Monday. Dating that Friday, moved in after one year, and got engaged the next year. After our separation, I merely commented on a friend of mine’s picture on Facebook (she is my high school buddies ex…we… Read more »
This is an age-old question, and both sides have great reasons for doing what they do. I have been on both sides–approacher and approachee. I understand that rejection is a part of life, and everyone is both victim and perpetrator. There seemed some presumption on the part of the author when he said that women feel they are too good to approach a man. I’m sure some women feel that way, as do some men when a woman comes up to them. In my experience, men have said that a woman who comes up to them seems desperate, or they… Read more »