A Month of Thankfulness: My Ex Husband

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About Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a sexy daring writer who challenges assumptions about love, sex and relationships in her columns at Huffington Post and elephant Journal and in feature articles at the Good Men Project, Origin Magazine, Yoganonymous, Better After 50 and more. Former editor of the relationship section of elephant Journal, she is now a senior editor at the Good Men Project. Follow her on Twitter andGoogle. Stay informed, sign up for Lori’s mailing list here.


  1. Damn, Lori…so beautiful. I can only hope my ex has the wherewithal to see me in that light if it comes to my sons choosing their mom’s place over ours. I hope it never does come to that…but it may, and I hope I can be as gracious.

  2. Could she have been as gracious if her daughter had instead wanted to live with him full time? It’s easy to say how great her ex is when she’s the one her daughter wants to live with. Could she do as well herself?

    • Lori Lothian says:

      HI Karen. This is a great point. I considered this already: how would I feel if it were reversed. I’d decided it could very well be reversed next year even, where she misses her dad, or is fed up with me, etc. I came to the same conclusion as my ex husband: my relationship with my child is not based on my needs, but hers. In honoring her needs, over mine, it’s a win-win.

      Again, if this situation had any dire elements of alcoholism abuse, or severe family dysfunction, this would not be the case. But both households are loving ones. Both parents care and are devoted to doing a good job.

      So, to your question. I would be sad at first, that she would be with me less often. And I would also be willing to allow her to follow her own choices at 14 and a half. That is parenting that allows a child to learn to be an independent thinker; she knows she can change her mind at anytime on this decision. She is held as a being able to navigate the world with her parents supporting her–and there to catch her if she falls.

      Thanks for your great question.

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