By continually asking these questions, you will be able to program you mind to focus on what is important. Don’t waste life in the trenches.
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As men, we enjoy living in the trenches. Diving deep into projects gives us the ability to do what we love most—create, complete, and conquer. Achievement is what intoxicates us with gratification.
We spend so too much time working in our lives.
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Gratification is fleeting, though. What was done yesterday is forgotten tomorrow. One of our biggest battles with being content is our thirst to always want more. This is why achievements don’t have the value we place on them. They just don’t give us that long-term satisfaction.
We spend so too much time working in our lives that we forget to work on them. The result is that we abuse our bodies, neglect our relationships, and ignore our internal dialogue.
For years, I never cared about the operating systems of my lifestyle. When mentors were preaching approach, I was thinking, “Forget the approach, all that matters is the results!” This created a life where I was always unsettled, struggling to maintain relationships and ultimately burnt out.
It was in the trenches where I sought fulfillment. I wanted to believe that climbing the corporate ladder, making just a little more money, and running that marathon were the solutions to my internal restlessness. If I just take more action, the results will heal my discontent life.
While the chase is a crucial part of our masculine nature, we need to force ourselves to look at how we are managing our lives. Here are four questions you should routinely asking yourself.
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How Can I Do Work Less?
Men focus too much on trying to find ways to get more done with their time. I challenge you to find ways to do less and get the same results.
Think about everything that you have to get done this week. At least 50% of that work could be done by someone else. It is not there because it requires your knowledge or attention. It is there because you choose to make it part of your life.
Start asking how you can eliminate more work to allow yourself to focus on what is important. You could delegate the work to someone else, outsource it, or, better yet, let your employer know you don’t have time to do it.
There is no badge of honor for working long hours and wasting your time. Always be exploring ways to do less, so that you can live more.
Am I Strengthening and Developing New Friendships?
We take pride in our independence, but men need companionship as much as women. You should have a group of people outside of your family and job to share thoughts, experience activities, and console each other.
Always be seeking out new friendships. As Jim Rohn says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” As you continue to grow, your core group needs to realign with your values. This is not a shallow approach to friendship but the continuation of creating a more fulfilling life.
What Right Now Has Me Excited?
At all times, there needs to be something bringing you excitement. Being fulfilled is about bringing in new opportunities and fresh experiences into your life. If you can’t think of anything that has you charged up, then start exploring ways to bring that energy into your life.
Am I Spending Quality Time with my Partner?
Men often lose connection with their partners by living too much in their routines. You need to reflect and see if you are spending quality time with your partner. Always watching television, going to the same restaurants, and suggesting the same activities destroys intimacy.
One of our biggest strengths as men is the resiliency to keep pushing forward.
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Make sure you are spending quality time with your partner. Doing something as simple as conversing at the kitchen table instead of watching television can create a more intimate environment. Every couple of weeks, take the initiation to schedule an activity to showcase that you value and appreciate the relationship. Maintaining a strong partnership requires more than just showing up every day.
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One of our biggest strengths as men is the resiliency to keep pushing forward and producing. It is also one of our downfalls. We get caught up in the chase and lose focus on what creates an amazing life.
It took me a long time to figure out that accomplishing more was not the solution to creating a fulfilling life. We are all deeper and less superficial than that. A great life is about building relationships, doing more of what we enjoy, and creating excitement.
By continually asking these questions, you will be able to program you mind to focus on what is important. Don’t waste life in the trenches.
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Photo: Flickr/ Brett Davies
Well said Ben. I too spent much of my life with the mindset that taking on more and more work or responsibility was the way to increased fulfillment. Thanks for reminding us if what’s truly important.