Do you really think you’re just born to love more than you’re loved in return? That’s simply not true.
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I just saw a meme attributed to Tyler Knott Grayson that posed a simple question:
“Do you think that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?”
In fact, I feel that this question is so powerful that if I were single it would be the first question I would ask on a date.
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I giggled when I read it, thinking that it was a joke or a bit of enlightenment sarcasm. I figured that, like me, other people were snorfelling coffee out of their nostrils at the sheer unconsciousness of what it proposed.
Apparently I was wrong.
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When I scrolled further down the page I was shocked to see that thirteen out of fourteen people agreed that indeed, it was possible to give more love than we get.
While I’m unwilling to presume to know the perspective of the writer in so far as his response to his own query, I can say this – It’s a great question because the answer we give says everything about who we are, and how we see the world.
In fact, I feel that this question is so powerful that if I were single it would be the first question I would ask on a date. The answer I received would decide whether I bothered to stay long enough to read the menu.
Here’s why: the way someone answers this simple question reveals whether they have chosen slavery or Mastery as a way of life.
If those two words, Slavery and Mastery, don’t jive with your personal dictionary, we can substitute them for other new age-y, consciousness-aspiring words like: victim or creator, survivor or thriver, powerless or empowered, past or present…
But how we cut the pie matters much less, if at all, in comparison to what kind of pie we have baked.
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Here’s the thing. If you really believe that you, or anyone else, can actually give more love than can be given back in return you may want to take a long, deep, soft look at your meanings, rules, and beliefs about love.
Most of us have whole encyclopedias in our heads that are brimming with clauses, sub-sections, fine print, and penalties for any violations pertaining to our code of conduct, regarding love.
We can have exacting standards about what is acceptable, yet rarely, if ever, do we ask if we are living a loving life.
If we did then a few things would happen:
The bonus here is that we would finally become our own best friend.
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We would become familiar with the resonance of what it feels like to move through our individual world from a loving place. The practice of being intimate with our own loving vibration, and refusing to do anything that caused even a fraction of discord within us, would change not only our personal lives, but also the entire planet.
The bonus here is that we would finally become our own best friend.
We would actively begin loving ourselves first because the reality is; we all get back exactly what we give. The sooner we start to awaken to this, the sooner we will understand who we truly are, what we’re already doing, and how much more we’re capable of.
We are the creators of our own experience of reality and we do this through our thoughts. If this were a math class the chalkboard would look like this:
How we think about SA = how we feel about SA = how we experience SA.
“SA” = something or someone, anything or anyone including and not limited to: yourself, your lover, your job, your body, the environment or the latest CNN story. This means that the quality of our thinking changes the quality of the experience we have of our own, very personal, unique, reality.
… you have to be willing to get intimate with your previously uninvestigated thoughts, find the courage to start polishing the mirror of your mind, and decide to take full responsibility for your life experience.
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So, if you feel imbalanced in love you probably are. Or rather your thoughts about love are. As a result, you are most assuredly experiencing exactly what you believe – just like everybody else. Isn’t it good to know that we are all on an equal playing field when it comes to creating how we experience our life?
Even better news is that if you choose to change any out-of-balance thoughts or confining beliefs and their subsequent unpleasant manifestations, behaviors, and experiences – you can!!!
But, there is a caveat: you have to be willing to get intimate with your previously uninvestigated thoughts, find the courage to start polishing the mirror of your mind, and decide to take full responsibility for your life experience.
Are you willing to do that? If, like me, you are shouting an unequivocal, “YES I AM”, here are a few things you can do right now to get your loving self aligned and balanced:
#1 When you do something for someone, ask yourself if you have an agenda or an expectation attached.
These can be as seemingly well-wishing as wanting the someone else to feel happy and special, or as large as expecting the other person to live their life, your way.
I ran this one with my daughter.
For years my soundtrack when interacting with her was Frank Sinatra’s, “My Way”, except instead of singing, “I did it my way”, I demanded, cajoled, bribed, and begged, “Just do it my way”. Believe me, I know the humility that can come when we uncover a hidden agenda. It ain’t always pretty, but it’s worth being honest with yourself which leads me to my next suggestion…
#2 Be honest with yourself.
Be willing to listen to that inner voice, or the tight gut that is trying to tell you something that you may have been unwilling to hear, until now.
For me it was the fact that I thought giving my daughter lots of dollars and sense was going to make her change her life choices so that I didn’t suffer every time I saw her, or thought of her. Yeah, not my proudest of moments (by moments I mean years) and in all honesty I’m still working through aspects of it, but this leads into number three.
#3 Go easy on yourself when you do finally agree to acknowledge that agenda of yours. None of us knows what we know until we know what we know, you know?
Chances are you were acting from your love codes, but had a misunderstanding, as did I, about what love in action really is.
Maybe the “how to” manual you got as a child was a bit mangled and awkwardly worded or experienced. The important thing now is that you are changing you and this points to number four.
#4 Love you.
More than love you, act lovingly towards you.
Changing yourself is the biggest most amazing, tremendously valuable work you will ever do. Your life will begin to feel brighter, your face will shine and your loving eyes will sparkle with joy, as you become your own best, and most loving, friend.
#5 Remember that whenever you think someone is not acting lovingly towards you that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with you.
In other words, if you find yourself suffering wildly, as I did when I felt my daughter let me down, then you are most likely hooked by beliefs that are not lovingly supportive of the most important person in the equation – you. And, if there are limiting and confining beliefs or ideals hanging around, you can bet your sweet patooties there are unresolved emotions and energy involved too.
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But, have no fear. (If you do, do it anyway.) You can choose to wake up from any nightmare that has you believing that you could ever be less, receive less, love less, have less, or do less than your true heart desires.
You can choose to wake up from any nightmare that has you believing that you could ever be less, receive less, love less, have less, or do less than your true heart desires.
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We literally live in a time and space where there is more help available to awaken and live a loving life than ever before.
So let’s take a deep breath, let our tummies relax, and right now consciously decide to stop pressing the snooze button on the alarm clock of our loving lives.
So, knowing what you now know, and having experienced what you’ve experienced, how do you choose to answer this question?
“Do you think that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?”
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Photo: Flickr/James Jordan