Finding the balance between charging for services and giving them for free.
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I come from a long line of helpers. As far back as I can remember my mother was always helping friends, neighbors, and the community. Throughout her life she was a member of Altrusa, an international civic organization started in 1917 by women helping others during World War I. My father was a writer, actor, and playwright. Both were involved in progressive political activities.
My mother spent her adult life working as a secretary, making just enough money to support the family and did her “helper work” after hours. My father wanted to make a living doing the work he loved, but he never made money at his craft and eventually became depressed and tried to take his own life when I was five years old.
In their view there were only two kinds of people in the world: The “workers” who eked out a living, but helped others and the “owners” who exploited the workers and got rich at the expense of others. I’m sure they would have been on the front lives of those protesting the 1% who became Godzillionaires and the 99% who worked hard all their lives for a small wage.
I grew up conflicted about helping others. On the one hand I thought I should follow my mother’s lead and separate her “job” which included making a subsistence wage from her “passion” for helping others. On the other hand I wanted to follow my father’s desire to make a living doing what he loved. But I was always afraid that if I did what I loved I would fail to make a living, become depressed and run the risk of following my father’s path from a suicide attempt into a mental hospital.
Over the years I’ve found a balance. I decided I would make a living doing what I love to do. Over the years that has been writing, teaching, and counseling. I never got rich and don’t expect I ever will, but I’ve managed to do well, find a great wife, raise our family of five children, and help our 16 grandchildren, mostly by giving love, occasionally by giving a little money when they need it.
I started MenAlive in 1969 following the birth of my son, Jemal. I made a vow to him that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and I would do everything I could to create a world where men and women could make a living doing what they loved to do and where children could grow up with parents who loved and supported them.
I made a vow to him [my son ]that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and I would do everything I could to create a world where men and women could make a living doing what they loved to do and where children could grow up with parents who loved and supported them.
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One of the ways I express my passion and commitment to helping others is through my writing. I share stories and offer guidance to people, which I hope will make their lives better. Most of what I write I simply post for free on line and hope it will be of help. The feedback I get tells me that I’m making a difference.
I also offer books, booklets, white papers (An authoritative report or guide that informs readers concisely about a complex issue), classes, courses, consulting, and counseling. I hate it when I am bombarded by sales pitches for this or that product from people who haven’t taken the time to get to know me and seem to care more about selling me something I don’t need than helping me solve real problems in my life. So I try and let people know about a product or service when I think I have something that will be of real value to you.
A few months ago I got an angry letter from one of the subscribers when I had mentioned a book I had written at the end of one of my articles. He said he didn’t appreciate my telling people about a book I had for sale. I wrote him back and told him I appreciated the feedback. When I explained that I gave most of my information away for free (This is 40 years of hard-earned life experience that I believe is quite valuable), but that I made my living selling some of my information. This allows me to live well, though modestly, and support my family as well as causes that are important to me. He apologized for his anger and continues to support my work.
I recently asked my readers to take part in a survey for an upcoming class I’ll be offering on How to Have a Marriage Where Love, Passion, Fun, and Freedom Can Last Forever. Whenever I am asked to take time to complete a survey I like to get some kind of “thank you” in return. I offered three of my most widely read white papers for those who completed the 5 minute survey. We got a good response, but we also had 350 people who “unsubscribed” to my mailing list.
At first I felt hurt, then guilty. Was I going to lose my people if I asked them for help? I realized that people unsubscribe for lots of reasons. I do it myself when I’m not getting value from mailings or when I just feel overwhelmed with too much mail. Then I felt better about the people leaving since I really only want people who feel excited to get my mailings and read my articles.
I’m proud of what I offer people and I’m not ashamed to ask people to pay for the information I offer for sale. Not everyone needs or wants what I offer, but for those who need it I want to make it available. So here’s the way
I’ll balance making a difference while making a living in 2016:
- I’ll continue offering articles, advice, comments to your questions for free.
- I’ll continue to offer books, booklets, white papers, classes, courses, consulting, and counseling and ask those who might need them to pay for them. Hey, we pay the plumber, the T.V. repairman, the computer store, etc.
- I’ll gladly say “goodbye, and thanks for subscribing” to anyone who isn’t getting value from my offerings.
- I’ll welcome those who are getting value and enjoy your feedback to tell me how I can better serve you.
I’ll ask for your continuing support of my work. Here are some things you can do if so moved:
- Repost, retweet, or pass on my articles and offerings to those you think would be interested.
- Post comments. I love hearing from you. I read everything and it lets me know you’re out there.
- If you buy one of my products or services, know you’ll get something of real value to you and that you are supporting my efforts to make a positive difference in the world.
- Feel proud of what you give to the world and don’t be afraid to get paid well for what you offer that is valuable and makes the world a better place.
As always I look forward to your comments. If you liked this article you might also enjoy these:
The Ten Best Articles in 2015: Sex, Love, Loss, and Our Collective Future
On Turning 72: 7 Important Life Lessons Learned
The Purpose of Marriage: 5 Ways to Insure Your Relationship Lasts Forever
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This article originally appeared on Man Alive
Photo credit: Getty Images
Hi Jed, I can imagine what you have been through and relate to your decision even though I have not made that decision just yet. I really appreciate your writings and articles and I would like you to know this because as someone who was born and raised in Bali in which most men are not willing to open up about their struggles, your humility and courage to be vulnerable at least helped me better understand man. I can even say that the downside of patriarchy system is that it breeds narcissism behaviors. Please keep doing what you do because… Read more »