Male Passion Repressed or Uncontrollable, And Never Anything More

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About Kevin Carty

Kevin Carty is a 20-year-old feminist frat boy and Political Theory major at Brown University. He loves coffee, punk rock, communitarianism, and the reformation of modern masculinity. He tweets from @PolitiCarty, and can be reached at [email protected]


  1. Mike from MA says:

    Lot of grist here, Kevin!

    Definitely makes me want to start a men’s book club to read and discuss The Iliad. It is nothing if not a study in full-spectrum masculinity, with a thorough consideration of the consequences and reverberations that has for men.


    • Why not Iron John as well, Mike? There is so much story and mythic content in our collective consciousness to draw upon, and none of us are deprived of the true masculine because those archetypes are there, as Jung said.

  2. Thank you for saying this! As the mother of two boys, now both in their teens, I’ve always said that boys (and men) have the right (and NEED) to the full range of human emotion and the responsibility to understand and manage their emotional lives. I actively teach my sons emotional intelligence and communication skills and hope that more boys and men can feel free to enjoy ALL the aspects of their human selves.

  3. wellokaythen says:

    Don’t let other men shame you into keeping your emotions repressed. By the same token, don’t let women shame you into emotional repression either. This is not just some sort of “guy code” where men police themselves about showing their full range of feelings. Many women have told men to “suck it up and stop being such a baby.”

  4. Right on Kevin. It often bewilders me that quite a few women I know agree that their male partners are ‘emotionally unavailable’ yet have sons who already display the same characteristics. They fail to put 2 and 2 together to see that they are unwittingly creating their own generation of emotionally illiterate boys who will find their ‘mother’ in the future partner and perpetuate the very behaviour they find so disturbing. An Australian indigenous author, Minmia, in her book, “Under The Quangdong Tree” asks that when a man commits an atrocity either in society or in war, ‘where is his mother?’. I think this is a good question as we know that father-absence (ala Iron John) leaves a teenage boy with no role model, however in those first 3 highly formative years, it’s a boys’ mother that teaches him about emotions, empathy, relatedness, expression, feelings and his connection with his Heart.

    It took me many years of therapy to firstly understand that I was actually feeling something in my body, then to be able to articulate that feeling, then to learn the language of the nuance of feeling. Such was my own state of disconnection from my feeling function.

    Mothers and fathers can do so much more to enable our boys to be whole, however we cannot give what don’t ourselves have, whether it be respect, boundaries, self-worth or Love!


  1. [...] I wrote a few weeks ago, our society talks about domestic and sexual violence in such a way that it is always focused on [...]

Speak Your Mind