James Lorello asks us to consider creating authentic relationships with young men to curb violence.
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In recent weeks the U.S. has seen a number of shootings around the country committed by men. This includes shootings at military bases, schools and other public arenas. In the past, these types of incidents have raised questions around two topics; gun control and mental illness. While these topics contribute to the issue, a third should be added to the list. Why are most of these campus shooters men? What within their identity says that this violent tactic is the only way to heal from their past?
Recent work has debunked the claim that these shooters are simply “loners” and that social separation influences them to commit acts of violence. Katherine Newman, co-author of Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings says that these shooters “experience rejection all the time, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to join groups. They just fail, all the time.” Instead of being people who are lone wolves, they are individuals trying to fit in to a larger peer group. Today’s construction of masculine identity does not leave much room for those who do not fit in. Whether too slow in gym class, or too smart, not good enough with the ladies, or too much acne. Young male groups are built upon tearing down those that are less than. This continual posturing forces men to establish themselves as the alpha male and therefore a “real man”.
Newman also claims that people who commit these violent crimes are often formulating a plan months in advance in an effort to seek attention. The recent violent shooting in California committed by Elliot Rodger is a good example of this. Rodger had a YouTube account in which he displayed his plan to kill and gave insight into his reasons for wanting to commit violence. The most concerning piece of this is the misogynistic worldview which fueled his violence. Rodger claims in his video that he was rejected by many women romantically and that he was the perfect gentlemen. Yet women still showed no interest and shunned him. Rodger claimed that he would “punish” these women for rejecting his romantic advances. This sort of worldview is a product of Rodger’s socially constructed view of masculinity. Having been trained since birth to pursue women as objects it would be the ultimate defeat of his masculinity to be rejected in his advances towards women. His inability to have relationships with women calls into question his identity as a 22 year old man. His struggle with fitting into his masculine identity is drawn out when he says “You will finally see that I am in truth the superior one. The true Alpha Male.”
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But where did this 22-year-old from California get all of this? Pornography? Other men? The media? Being pushed by alienation from his peers? One could argue it is a combination of all of the above. Most young men don’t gather such radical world views as this man did, but how close are other men to falling into a similar view? Being constantly surrounded by false images of what it means to be a man and relentlessly ridiculed amongst peer groups is an easy way to get to this point. These toxic views are being fed to our young men daily through a number of avenues.
Another shooting in Oregon this past month left the parents of the young shooter in shock. The father asked “Oh my beloved son, why?” His son was described by friends as a fun loving kid with a great heart, yet he was the creator of such tragedy. He looked up to his older brother in the military and was active in church. He reached out to a friend about what protein shakes to take as he wanted to become stronger. Clearly he had some healthy role models to guide him in the formation of his identity but somewhere along the way he got lost. In a notebook at home he wrote about killing his classmates who were sinners.
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Perhaps we can get this violence to stop by creating authentic relationships with young men. Relationships not built upon posturing within the man box, but relationships asking deep questions about who we are as men and what our purpose is in life. Young men are failing to create meaning in their life and they have nowhere to go to figure it out. The two young men described above both had different ways of trying to finding meaning in their lives, some positive and some negative. Pornography and the media are no way to figure out what it is to be a man. Men are taught not to talk about much, but conversation is the only way to get to the bottom of these issues. Only authentic, deep relationships can fix this violent culture of manhood and help curb the male shooter epidemic.
The violent culture does not just manifest itself in mass shootings, but in the everyday lives of men. Whether it is out on the football field or in the high school lunch room, violence is taking the place of conversation and emotional help. Gun control and more resources for mental illness definitely might help but will not be the answer. Cracking the surface of male relationships is difficult but it is worth the outcome. Asking a real, “how are you?” might be one way to start.
Photo: Ben Townsend/flickr
Maybe these guys get rejected because they really make other people uncomfortable? Maybe people pick up on the fact that these dudes are freaking scary for some reason? Given that they are mass shooters it’s kinda a clue that the rejecting groups might have been right. Or we could craft an elaborate explanation that blames popular progressive targets like successful white men?
My problem with the idea that Elliot Rodger had a misogynistic worldview is that he did not seem capable of having a worldview per se. He in fact never talked about any actual rejection he experienced. He never appeared to try to approach, talk to, or even know how the most basic social interactions begin. He seemed to think women were supposed to come to him and reinforce his megalomania. It seems that in addition to Aspgerger’s this young man had other mental illness or personality disorder. His ability to live an independent life as an emancipated person and think… Read more »
This spam buster system you have here on GMP its heavily bugged and desperately in need for a fix. Its not possible that I time over time get identified as a spammer I mean how is that possible. Its just annoying. – See more at: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/male-shooter-epidemic-jvinc/?utm_source=Monday+June+23+2014&utm_campaign=Constant+Contact+June+23+2014&utm_medium=email#sthash.R73no3Z6.dpuf
This is happening to me as well.
good to know im not the only one
“Maybe they’re using the IRS IT’s”
Ouch!
I think its culture, American winning mentality and hero worship. There are a straight line between Rambo (fiction) and Rodgers (real).
PS
This spam buster system you have here on GMP its heavily bugged and desperately in need for a fix. Its not possible that I time over time get identified as a spammer I mean how is that possible. Its just annoying.
Maybe they’re using the IRS IT’s
But according to the politics editor that IRS stuff was all made up!
It’s not a “male thing.” The vast majority of mass shootings have been perpetrated by Caucasian males. It’s a WHITE male thing. To acknowledge this fact is to focus the conversation away from its racial subtext (stereotypes of violent black males) and toward the issues of entitlement, privilege and shattered expectations of success and influence.
Barry, it’s true that white men have been the majority of mass shooting perpetuators not all, which means the entitlement piece may be a contributing factor. However, violence in America crosses racial boundaries. White men are more likely to commit suicide while black men are more likely to die homicide. While there are other socioeconomic and racial undertones here as well I think it would leave out the fact that violence is a pillar of masculinity among all men.
All this talk about gender and race; but no ever talks about age as a factor- not too many mass shooters (be they male, female, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, or otherwise) over the age of 60… Maybe the problem has more to do with everyone’s age than anything else… Don’t trust anyone under 65…
Barry, you need to get your facts straight
Review the data- race is proportional with population. To get a white skew you have to screw with the data. This is a red herring that people here just love to trumpet because it echoes a popular “progressive” theme of “white man bad.”
Most shooters in African countries are black, most shooters in South american countries are Hispanic.
In America white shooters are actually underrepresented when you account for population %.
Most shooters in some South American countries are white males, but not necessary of Spanish ethnicity only. That goes for Argentina and Brazil, at least.
Male shooter epidemic?
There is no such thing, and its easy to say its a male thing when we are erasing all the women that do it from the narrative.
Here is a long list of female shooters, many of the motivated by a man saying no to them.
http://just-smith.tumblr.com/post/88226197332/dontneedfeminism-thatladysif-a-fucker-named
I suspect part of the problem is we as a culture use young men as the culture’s sword and shield, a role that goes back at least as far as the start of agriculture. And it is and has been a necessary role……pivotal as to whether a particular culture survived……..for thousands of years.
Does that include police and Federal agents who wear Nazi helmets and facemasks? Who break into people’s homes in the middle of the night and kill with impunity?
And Wes nails it in one! The problem, as see it, is American culture. Young men in other nations have problems with alienation and sociopathy, but it’s only America that had the mass-shooting problems. There’s not one thing that we can point to as the problem; it’s a constellation of traits. One is that American society in general uses violence as the solution of first resort for so many issues, foreign and domestic. When society visibly endorses, or at least tolerates, out-of-control killers as authority figures, what message do boys get? Add in a super-individualistic culture that says that you… Read more »
Mass shootings appear to be an American thing but violence committed by men crosses all boundaries. Whether sexual, domestic or other; it is an issue in multiple areas.
In many Third World countries, there is no difference between the police and military. In England the police have their own SWAT units which are just as heavily armed as ours. Show me one country that does not follow this model.