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Sometimes at the end of a day in which I binged on a box and a block, of crackers and cheese; at the end of that day before I apply peroxide acne cream to my face, I take off my t-shirt to avoid bleaching it, and I’ll look in the mirror and notice my man boobs and think they have gotten bigger because of my eating binge.
But I remember I have thought about my “man boobs” before and I know better. I know that term is just a humored disguise for a hurtful definition of masculinity. The definition: to be a man is to not be a woman. And to be a man and have boobs, is to be a woman in some way. But I know that men have breasts, and I have breasts. All men have breasts!
But still I look at my breasts and notice that seemingly, as I’ve eaten less heathfully, they are protruding more than they used to.
I remember the time in between college semesters I went on a bike tour for several hundred miles in one of the hottest places and times available to me. It was the South Eastern United States in late July and early August, from my home state of North Carolina to Florida. I was in the best shape of my life. And still, I remember well the times I looked at my chest in the hotel mirrors along my southerly route and noticed that despite my visible six pack and general sculpted physique, my breasts still protruded. Regardless of the mirror or the year or my shape, my dissatisfaction is always the same.
But I was not aware then like I am now. I didn’t know about feminism, or patriarchy or a hurtful masculinity. I am supposed to know better. I have breasts. All men have breasts. But must I have these protrusions?
♦◊♦
I remember at one point early in the stages of puberty as a child playing basketball with myself the ball bounced against my chest and hit something sensitive behind my nipple. I don’t remember if this was my first introduction or if it was just a reminder, but I was deeply aware. But I wasn’t just aware, I was deeply anxious about its very existence.
Behind both my nipples during puberty there were little lumps. They made my nipples stick out a little, probably only perceptible to my pubescent self consciousness, but they stuck out, they felt weird, hard like they shouldn’t be. It made me feel weird too, weird enough that I told my Mom.
We went to the pediatrician and she said they were normal even in boys, a part of puberty sometimes. At some point later, almost crying, I told my Mom I was worried they could be related to breast cancer, but my real fear was this would make me a girl in some way, and less of a boy, with less capacity to be a man. My deeper fear was that this could grow. Most deeply I feared this wouldn’t go away.
I remember when I was a teenager I saw on a night time television news program like 20/20, I saw a bit about boys with lumps just like mine, but some of the boys had much bigger symptoms than mine. Maybe it was different, but it wasn’t permanent and it was definitely benign. But the concern for these boys was great. I wonder if the unquestioned fear from the families of these boys and the narrator’s incredulous tone came from the feeling that they were not quite boys if they shared some slight and benign features that were too similar to women and girls.
They might not know about feminism or patriarchy or especially hurtful masculinity. But I do. I should know better.
I wonder then, when, if ever, will my subconscious internalization of hurtful masculinity be replaced with what my conscious intellect believes? That I am a man, and my breasts are not perfectly flat, or not completely defined by muscle, and that I am still, a man. Will I ever totally know it, or will this dissatisfaction always be the same?
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I don’t see any protruding breasts in the picture above. Most men I have seen look like that.
I go to the other side of the debate. my breasts are also naturally more developed than the average male. note I did NOT say normal male. as in everything biological, especially human biology, including gender and sexuality there is a lot more than the binary, eithet or, this or that. it is a range of experience that then gets averaged out to the norm. and that norm on the bell curve is really quite expansive. I probably fall closer to one tail. having said that, bottom line, I don’t care! certainly not to go to the expense of a… Read more »
Thanks for sharing your experience Mark. I’m glad you are happy with who you are, as you are.
Taking Calcium D-Glucarate and DIM (Diindolymethane ) will help get rid of manboobs. The two nutrients taken together help stop estrogen dominance and also helps the liver to process estrogen and estrodial out of the body. It also helps women in middle age fight estrogen dominance which leads to fat gain in the hips and butt and also breast cancer. Our environment is polluted with phyto & xeno estrogens. Do some reading and find out what to avoid. Just posting in hopes this info might help someone. It helps both men and women, but in different ways. Not all brands… Read more »
Thanks Ellen for your post and information. As she says, do your homework!
I wasn’t aware that “man boobs” was a hurtful expression before. Just hadn’t thought about it. I’ve always just used it to refer to the male chest, or well… boobs. And I’ve always found them to be absolutely lovely.
Thankyou for sharing your positive judgement of men and their breasts! This is helpful!
Thanks Collin and John! Maybe this was the push I needed to go ahead and start doing my research on surgery, since I don´t actually know someone who has done it. I don´t think this is the right place to talk about gynecomastia, but I dont really got bumps, it´s more like “fatty tissue” like John described before that won´t go away, so by having this fatty tissue (pointy nipples) makes me a candidate for this surgery or any other? (Maybe it´s too obvious but I´m clueless, sorry) Plus I can´t wait to experience “being able to put my shoulders… Read more »
sorry it´s LT, typo mistake!
You’re welcome LT! Do what feels right to you!
I once had a boyfriend with a chest that was largish for a man. It became familiar to me. I remember that it didn’t bother me in the least, but that HE was bothered by it – as though anticipating rejection by myself/others. He would diet and run to try to prevent his breasts from becoming any larger. Sometimes we are more critical of ourselves than others are… And yet all that worry and energy only harms ourselves – rather than saving us from the teasing and negativity we imagine others will inflict upon us. I think the author hits… Read more »
Thanks your your comment Rosie. Your contrasting stories and especially your perspective from the outside as a woman with a man who was ashamed of his breasts while personally not being bothered by it is a great to hear. Men that are ashamed need to hear that! It doesn’t matter! I bet women are more accepting of it than men, what with sexism and patriarchy being a a part of our culture. Regarding the woman you dated. I had a friend who said when she ran one summer her boobs went away and so she stopped running! Hah. Our social… Read more »
It sucks to “develop” as part of puberty as a guy. 5th grade thru 7th was made more hell like for that easy cutting reference. Plus later in life a whole bunch of essential long term meds can aggravate it if you have the underlying condition and sensitivities
And thanks to David Futrelle it now has added offensive connotations…………nice bullying David. Those with the condition just needed more ridicule heaped upon them.
Thanks for the comment Trey.
I’m sorry 5th-7th grade were so hard for you. No one should have to be ridiculed such that they feel their life is like hell.
I hadn’t heard of David Futrelle but I checked his site and FAQ. I think it is unfortunate that he chose to use this term “man boobz” to make fun of misogynists. It’s actually insensitive to men who get called this term outside of being misogynists, which is to say almost exclusively how the term is actually used.
john, you´ve describe exactly my situation, even though I´ve worked hard (gym, running, cycling, heatlhy diet), there´s always some bump that makes me feel uncomfortable. It´s gotten to the point I want to get surgery before my wedding, my gf say´s she doesnt care but I want to do it for me. It´s important for me to get a different point of view from someone who´s dealing with this issue. Am I exagerating?
Get the surgery, LT. I wrote an article here about having gynecomastia a couple years ago, and I would get the surgery too if other medical complications did not make it a $100,000 procedure for me. I can only imagine how much better you’ll feel, but I know that people who have gotten the surgery essentially become completely new people. All of the shame and efforts to hide it end. I haven’t stood up straight, gone swimming, or done any group sports since I developed the condition at around the age of 12. The surgery is generally between $6,000 and… Read more »
Thanks for the comment LT. To be clear, I no longer have the hard bumps or lumps. Now what I have is just fatty tissue that I suppose is “normal.” I would like to say that if I had it to the degree that it causes others pain that I would try to build my confidence that it was undeserved pain, because it’s incorrect to question a male’s personhood because they have some feminine features. But I know that the internalization of these ideals is powerful. To that end I think you or anyone who suffers because of unusually enlarged… Read more »
John-I hope you get to the point where you feel comfortable and celebrate what you have, experiement with them and appreciate you chest. I recently started seeing a guy who has quite big breast development. It’s the first time I’ve seen a guy with more develope breasts. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t detract from his masculinity but it does give me something else to explore and have fun with. A woman/or man (I make no assumptions) who is going to like you, is going to do so no matter what your chest looks like, whether you have acne… Read more »
Stephanie, Thank you for your comment.
When I first saw my intimate thoughts on this subject posted on GMP I felt a little embarrassed and anxious. I think that is the feeling of my shame expelling. I sure hope so.
You are so right that this doesn’t detract from masculinity, and that our partners will like us no matter what.
We are all beautiful people!
I feel so much better just for having read and responded to your comment. Thank you again!
<3