Rena DeLevie argues that compassion in the boardroom has nothing to do with gender identity and everything to do with profitability.
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There’s a theory that hormones explain the difference between male and female management approaches.
I think that theory is a load of hooey.
Different management styles are based on the individual. If you teach a man that “manly” traits such as aggression, condescension, and cutthroat behavior are the correct behavior, he’ll behave this way at the office. If you teach a man that “female” traits such as kindness, compassion, and emotional intelligence are the correct behavior, he’ll use these tools. In our business world today, if a man is aggressive, demanding, and cutthroat, it simply means he’s trying to meet the expectations of a corporate culture that is still stuck in the dark ages of Fear-Based Management.
… debunking the corporate culture assumption that a vagina makes a person a gentle and kind leader and a penis makes a person an aggressive and nasty manager.
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Here’s a quiz based on real-life experiences of people who have worked for men and women over the past 5 years in corporate America. Don’t cheat and zoom to the answers at the bottom; give yourself the chance to experience your authentic reaction.
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You’re the employee in this scenario. Which gender is your boss, female or male?
- You’ve been directed to throw people under the bus.
- You’ve been told to shame your colleagues.
- You’ve been coached to withhold information to make a show of power.
- You’ve been rewarded for nastiness because you “get stuff done.”
- You’ve been promoted for cutthroat behavior.
- You’ve been taught that sneaky game playing is the way to rise to the top.
- You’ve been recognized for your actions regardless of how unethical the path was.
- You’ve been shut down for sharing a different point of view.
- You’ve been humiliated for no explainable reason.
- You’ve been shamed for not knowing how to play the game.
- You’ve been made to feel bad about your lack of expertise in a new area.
Yes. It was a trick question. The gender was female, across the board.
Not one particular woman, but many. I’m not bashing women; we’re awesome. I’m debunking the corporate culture assumption that a vagina makes a person a gentle and kind leader and a penis makes a person an aggressive and nasty manager.
Another quiz. Which gender is this boss?
- You are awarded for kindness.
- You are promoted for collaboration.
- You are recognized for partnership.
- You are supported in questioning the plan.
- You are given the tools you need to succeed.
- You are expected to be respectful at all times, with every level of associate.
- You are authorized to offer help.
- You are obligated to share ideas
- You are welcome to bring your whole self to work.
- You are invited laugh with each other repeatedly.
- You are encouraged to take breaks that nourish your crseativity and energy.
- You are allowed to work the hours that make the most sense for your deliverables.
- You are aware of and supported by the healthy hierarchy.
- You are advocated for.
- You are nurtured to bring your best work forth.
- You are treated with humanity.
This approach is called Compassionate Management and the all of these boss’s are male.
Are you thinking, “They must be gay men?” Not a one. And the aggressive, condescending, and cutthroat women in the examples above? All hetero. It’s time to say goodbye to stereo typing management styles based on gender, sexuality, race, age, and industry.
Every human can do this. It doesn’t require specific genitalia or an MBA.
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It’s not hormones or sex organs that drive our management approach; it’s the combination of (1) corporations expectation of men, (2) corporations expectations of women, (3) the Fear-Based Management style that is prevalent in corporations, and (4) the repeatedly rewarded behavior of those who implement Fear-Based Management.
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It’s interesting to look at why there are so few women CEO’s, but I’d rather look at why there is such mean, nasty and shameful behavior in corporations in general.
And I’d much rather empower women and men to recognize their inherent ability to lead with compassion.
To be clear – Compassionate Management is having a warm heart towards people and a cold eye on the bottom line. It’s no kumbaya group hug. The work needs to be delivered on-time, on-budget, on-brand, on-topic, you name it. Compassionate Management means we want to make a lot of money through collaboration, partnership, and integrity.
Every human can do this. It doesn’t require specific genitalia or an MBA. It requires getting quiet and thinking about who you want to be. Do you want to be that a-hole who smacks everyone out of the way or that trustworthy partner whom others respect and want to report to?
It’s not futile. Men are better than this, as are women.
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I understand this can feel impossible in a truly Fear-Based culture, so consider this. Small steps make a huge difference. Tiny efforts ripple out and multiply. One kind moment can shift an entire department because the team is desperate to be seen, understood, and valued. One gesture can plant a seed of hope that then spreads its roots under the radar. What you’ve done is trained the next generation of leaders in Compassionate Management. The surest way to bring change is good old-fashioned role modeling. And when we begin to do this, it comes back to us in spades. Suddenly people of all genders are advocating for each other, supporting each other, and collaborating across the aisles.
Corporations will continue to be a breeding ground for nastiness if we attribute this behavior to male hormones. It’s “boys will be boys” in the workplace. But this excuse isn’t fair to men, or the rest of the people he’s treated poorly, because excuses hold us back. We can’t evolve as long as we laugh it off and raise our hands in the sign of futility. It’s not futile. Men are better than this, as are women.
Try Compassionate Management and see how it can shift your company culture (or at least your own department culture) from nastiness to partnership. You may find productivity increasing, creativity thriving, and people laughing.
After all, when heart and business unite, profits soar.
Photo: Flickr/Eric Dan