Libido Challenged? Try a Daily Dose of Sex

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About Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a sexy daring writer who challenges assumptions about love, sex and relationships in her columns at Huffington Post and elephant Journal and in feature articles at the Good Men Project, Origin Magazine, Yoganonymous, Better After 50 and more. Former editor of the relationship section of elephant Journal, she is now a senior editor at the Good Men Project. Follow her on Twitter andGoogle. Stay informed, sign up for Lori’s mailing list here.


  1. Lori, that was wonderful reading. I have the opposite problem here – too much libido. Perhaps it’ll balance out at menopause lol! But a lot of what you’ve discovered, I’d love my partner to read. Think I’ll pass it on…

  2. Try a continuing cycle until all days are done :P
    Not sure if you mentioned this fully but would the days where you are in hangover be ok to give him oral/whatever, getting him off and he gives you whatever in return (hugs, cuddles, etc)? Would that be an acceptable way to cater to both of your sex drives and meet other needs?

  3. Cornelius Walker says:

    I’m curious about what your baseline was before embarking on these challenges. You mention that 11 days into the abstinence challenge you fell off the wagon, which makes me think you’re not so libido-challenged as you think, and instead fall well into the average range. I know a few married men who have unintentionally done 60 and 90 day abstinence challenges and at least one whose wife has expressed being okay with “never having sex again.” (and she was in her early thirties). I don’t personally know any women in the same situation, but I’m sure they exist.

  4. Lori Lothian says:

    HI Cornelius. My baseline is probably four to six times a month–though in the days premenopause, that would cluster mid cycle and be a bit higher. My man, however, would be happy at every third day, or ten days a month….Still working it out. Thinking Karezza might be a solution. Thanks for asking.

    • Cornelius Walker says:

      Yeah, sounds about normal. I’ve often heard the average being about 1-3 times a week, which means you’re at the low end of that average, and your man at the high end. Does the disparity between you cause either of you distress, or is it more a question of wanting to be on the same page?

  5. Lori Lothian says:

    Hi Archy.

    I am thinking of getting a massage table so we can move from sex, to extended touch and pleasure and see what new baseline that creates in terms of reciprocal enjoyment. If you asked my man if a blowjob a day would keep the grumpy-ness away, he’d say no, he is not about just sex, it’s about “connection.” I think Gint the editor here at Marriage wants my man to write his side of the story. I am encouraging that.

    Thansk for reading.

  6. Lori Lothian says:

    Freya–do you still have a period? I had tons of sex drive before the menstrual cycle slowed and then ended at ages 49/50.

    • Lori, yeah, I’m still menstruating. But I was fascinated by your experiment because I’ve often wondered if my less-libidinous partner might find his libido were he to do what you did and commit to daily sex for a while. Our unbalanced ‘needs’ have led us into some interesting territory, as you might remember from one of my blogs last year about seeking sexual connection outside of a longterm relationship. I’d love to hear your partner’s perspective on how he found the experiment, if he was inclined to share…

  7. Philosophy aside (reluctantly since it is one of my favorite pastimes) of practical note are natural supplements which help to restore your body’s hormone balance without toxic pharmaceuticals which have more negative side effects than benefits. As a direct, and for some desired, effect such supplementation can increase libido.

    Maca Root is one, and there are no doubt others.

    • Not all pharmaceuticals are toxic. Infact I am only alive today because of pharmaceuticals because I have no more thyroid and need replacement hormones to stay alive. Hormones in their pure form shouldn’t have many side effects if any, I don’t notice anything different really with mine.

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