—
Just this morning, my husband and I argued about the silliest thing: placing an online order. He called me bright and early to ask me to place an order for him since he wouldn’t be able to for another hour or so. He wanted to make sure it would be shipped and out for delivery by the weekend. Instead of just saying “OK” and placing the order, I said, “Really?” rather sarcastically. Honestly, I really didn’t know why it couldn’t wait and was surprised he asked me to do it for him.
The goal is to do life to together. And life is not white horses, breakfasts in bed, bubble baths, and rose petals.
|
He told me not to worry about it, he’d do it later. I begged him to let me place the order for him and became extremely irritated (that’s putting it mildly) when he continued to tell me no. He said he didn’t want me to do something I didn’t want to do. He was wrong.
He wasn’t wrong because I’m a woman and want to win the argument, although I do like winning arguments. He was wrong because marriage is more than the things you “want” to do. In fact, it’s filled with lots of things you don’t want to do. Unfortunately, marriage is often distorted and twisted in books and movies, painting a happily ever after scenario to strive to attain when the goal is not to ride off into the sunset together. The goal is to do life to together. And life is not white horses, breakfasts in bed, bubble baths, and rose petals. It’s more than that. It’s better than that.
Walking hand in hand when the sun is shining is wonderful. Saying “I love you” under a starlit sky is dreamy. Dancing in a Christmas snow is classic. Those are times marriage is easy and full of “want.” Those are the blissful moments you can smile at when looking back at them. Those are the times you wrap yourself in when you need to be reminded the world isn’t so bad.
But life isn’t made up of just those moments. There are those times when “want” is nowhere in the equation and “will” takes over. Those “I don’t want to but I will” moments.
I have one of those moments every single time I make a sandwich for my husband. I absolutely despise mayonnaise, to the point if I have a plastic spoon handy, I will use that to get the mayonnaise out just so I don’t have to wash a metal spoon. I hate it. My husband loves it. So I cringe and make awful faces, but I slather it on his bread. It may sound silly, but it’s a prime example of when “will” overtakes “want.”
In turn, I know my husband is willing to give in to “will” and deny “want” as well, and knowing this has given me my happily ever after.
|
For me, keeping the house running is a chore. I know there are women in the world who like doing laundry and washing dishes and dusting, but I am not one of them. Never have been, never will be one of those women. It’s necessary, so I do them. I may not want to stay up until midnight sorting socks and hanging shirts, but I will.
A couple of years ago, we were able to go to a Rascal Flatts concert. This was a time for him that “will” definitely won out. He hates country music. Honestly, doesn’t like the band at all. Yet, he promised me if they ever came to our city, he’d take me. He kept his promise, even though it was far from what he wanted to be doing on a Saturday night.
Realizing my own happiness sometimes has to take a backseat is hard to do, but it’s this willingness to sacrifice and compromise that has made my marriage strong. In turn, I know my husband is willing to give in to “will” and deny “want” as well, and knowing this has given me my happily ever after.
Sometimes there’s a sunset involved. At times, there are stars shinning down on us. More often than not, though, there’s a couch and blanket, and little boy snuggled between us. There are snores from my boys that have fallen asleep and my smile in the dark.
It may not be the happily ever after I thought I wanted, but I am more than willing to thank God for every day I get to do life with the man asleep on the couch.
—-
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
—
This story has been republished to Medium.
Photo: iStock