The honeymoon never lasts forever, but you can keep that loving feeling going every single day.
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My husband and I started out as good friends. We dated for a year, and then quickly tied the knot. Before being with him, I never felt strongly about marriage, nor did I feel compelled to become a wife. However, Josh and I both had this knowing that we were meant to be together, and a monumental decision, like marriage, became a very simple one.
There are times when all I want to do is kiss him and run my hands all over him. There are also times when I grit my teeth and give him the finger as hard as I can when his back is turned.
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Despite our faith in each other and the strong love we had, we knew that marriage is a big commitment, and that ebbs and flows in our relationship would be inevitable. We were right. There are times when all I want to do is kiss him and run my hands all over him. There are also times when I grit my teeth and give him the finger as hard as I can when his back is turned. It is wise to anticipate low tides and high tides, but even wiser to act as the moon does, and influence the tide. Disagreements are bound to happen, but we can act in ways that enable us to spend the majority of our time feeling happy and intimate.
The following is a list of things I have found to work:
1. Focus on what I like, and ignore what I don’t.
We find more of what we focus on. If I am looking for the good in my husband’s actions, I will see it. If I am focusing on the negative, I will find that. I could criticize him when I am annoyed, and let him know all of his shortcomings, but does my nagging really entice him to do or give more? He is human, and we are two different people. There are going to be things that drive me crazy. What’s smarter is ignoring the things I don’t like, and focusing on the stuff I do. Appreciation invites more of the good stuff.
2. Have a girlfriend mentality.
When we focus on our partner’s needs we create a warm environment and invite love.
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Josh is a smart ass. It’s actually something that originally attracted me to him. He’s light-hearted, playful, and always down for a laugh. If he teases you, it’s a sign he likes you and feels close to you. Knowing this, why do I find myself getting upset at his jokes? I think back to our early days- I was more carefree and had a better sense of humor. I wasn’t so sensitive. I played it cool. Now I get my panties in a bunch so easily. The answer to most of life’s problems, including this one, is Laugh More.
3. Create an environment for love.
Be affectionate, warm, and pleasant. I can’t tell you how many times I would be distant and cold towards my husband for not giving me the attention I wanted. This was counter-productive, not inviting what I wanted. Now I ask for what I want. Sometimes the best way to get love is to give it.
4. Focus on fulfilling his needs rather than getting mine fulfilled.
I’m not asking anyone to be a martyr here—the end goal in this is to get your needs fulfilled. However, your partner is more likely to fulfill yours when he is, himself. When we focus on our partner’s needs we create a warm environment and invite love. Be sure to know what your partner’s needs are. Don’t assume they are the same as yours.
5. Let him be.
He actually has a lot of sound reasoning to back up his decisions, and I just need to trust him.
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Just because he does something differently doesn’t mean he’s doing it wrong. My husband is thoughtful and calculated, but has a different perspective than me. For example, sometimes our toddler makes requests, like one day while we were at our friends house, he wanted to go out into the garage. Josh wasn’t taking him—he started crying, and I was getting frustrated. I snapped at Josh, “Why don’t you just take him to the garage while I finish getting ready?” In my interpretation, Josh was being lazy and ignoring him. Josh explained, “He can’t get everything he wants. It’s cold in the garage, and I don’t want to go out there. He has to start understanding that he doesn’t always get his way.” Ohh. Josh does things differently than me, and that doesn’t make them wrong. He actually has a lot of sound reasoning to back up his decisions, and I just need to trust him.
6. Appreciate differences.
It seems common for two seemingly opposite people to be married. I think a lot of what we lack personally, we seek in our partner. When we embrace our partner’s differences, we become more whole. For example, I am impulsive, Josh is contemplative. I am a procrastinator, Josh is a planner. I worry about what people think of me, and Josh couldn’t care less. By absorbing each other’s influences, we become more balanced.
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Originally Published on StayatHomePanda.com and is republished on Medium.
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Your generation has learned so much from mine and before mine. You guys are much more likely to be those old cute couples then have been for years…. I BELIEVE THAT AS MY TRUTH….. If true love is there, people need to MAKE IT WORK. We have seen the hurt from broken families, not that that is wrong many times, but People really need to TRY….HARDER…. Or just go play in another pile and see how fun that is years and stress later. Sometimes REAL issues just make it not possible and learn so you can move on with wisdom… Read more »