He’s a driven entrepreneur, stuck in the Man Box idea that his worth is in his work. She’s worried about his health and their relationship. Sound familiar?
—
I wake up most days alone. Not because I am single. I am in fact married. And not because I sleep in another room. I wake up alone because my workaholic husband has gone to work long before the sun is up.
When he gets home, he says hello to the refrigerator before he greets me. Most likely he didn’t eat breakfast or lunch.
He says has to leave early to prep for the day. On the weekends, he has to prep for the next day or the week. He writes and then rewrites the same notes over and over. Yes, he is a little OCD.
His reasoning runs along the lines that as a business owner, no one will care as much as he does. If he doesn’t make the sacrifices, and work early to late six days per week and sometimes seven, then the business might fail.
What he doesn’t get is that what is failing is his health in more ways than one.
His legs ache and he often wakes up with leg cramps. His back aches and he never quite stands up straight. His mind aches because he doesn’t have an off button. He will talk about work at any given moment he is awake. Sometimes I wonder what we will have to talk about when the business is finally sold.
He has a nervous cough that surfaces when he is worried about a job. I always know when he is nearby because of that darn cough. I can hide from him in the grocery store, but he can’t hide from me! He doesn’t go to the doctor unless it is an emergency. That would mean taking time off from the JOB. Eating right is not on his radar either.
One night a week he does take a break. It’s his bowling night. I am excited for him because he gets to do something fun. “Good luck and good bowling,” I cheer as he drags his tired body out the door.
His bowling friends are all retired. They also bowl during the week. Some play tennis too. And go on cruises often. I mean very often. They send me notes, on FB and in emails, asking me to talk to him about taking it easy at work. At least on bowling day. Thanks, guys!
How do I get Mr. Workaholic to work a little less?
|
How do I get Mr. Workaholic to work a little less? The funny thing is he tried once. He retired his parents and tried to walk away from the business. But eight months later, he opened up again and he was off and running.
The only way he gets a break is if I book us to go somewhere. He protests. He even backs out on occasion. He calls the business every day, several times a day, to talk to the staff. He can’t unhook for long.
The worst part is when he gets back. Actually on the way back. He kicks right back into work mode and is incredibly stressed about catching up. He doesn’t sleep well that first night home and is up reviewing the job, and heading in (of course early) to get started.
My worst fear is that when he finally does retire, he will be too physically worn down to enjoy the rest of his life.
|
My biggest fear is that when he finally does retire, he will be too physically worn down to enjoy the rest of his life. I hear stories all the time about men like him who reach that pinnacle and don’t have a lot of time left. I don’t want to put that out to the Universe – so I try not to let his stress become my stress.
The good news is he doesn’t drink or smoke. His work is physical, so he gets some exercise in his own way, but many men who are workaholics with office jobs don’t.
His employees leave their jobs behind when they clock out, but for this entrepreneur who is driven to provide for his family, (put food on the table, mortgage payment, car payment, children’s college tuition, etc), it is slowly but surely wearing him down.
I’m booking a five day cruise for us. I know he will be stressed on the way back. But at least he won’t be able to call the business for a few days!
Previously published on Talking About Men’s Health
◊♦◊
Photo: Flickr/Christina Spicuzza
I “was” a lawyer, mostly litigation, and my compulsive concentration on trial preparation, depositions, client development, etc., ruined three marriages for which my wives were innocent bystanders. All three said the same thing, Being with me was like being alone. I couldn’t help it — but now I am 74, almost 75, retired; practicing the piano I gave up at eleven; writing stories for The GMP, news papers and magazines; reading for pleasure; travelling with my wonderful wife and companion of 20+ years; playing golf and tennis; just enjoying the things I love and leaving behind the tension and anxiety… Read more »
I am looking forward to that day Bob! So glad you rediscovered the things your love and a new love!
Tom, first of all, thanks for you passionate reply. My definition of the man box doesn’t have to agree with yours. For me, it’s the guy who gave up all fun when we got married, bought a house and had a baby and decided to work more than he needed to in order to provide for the family. I had and have a great job and it’s not about the money. He grew up in a similar household to his parents, so like your son, has those values. And while I think they are honorable, his health should be far… Read more »
Have you ever seen the Ramsey restaurant make over show or Bar Rescue? Both shows are about struggling businesses. A common problem that’s identified is the owners struggles with delegating. Fortunately I was taught delegation by a company president and how my delegating actually improved production in the departments I was in charge of. I don’t want to slow down. My dad died in the first year of his retirement, as did a few of his friends. I believe that in part, it was due to his slowing down. My heart issues, as it turns out, is genetic so I’m… Read more »
One other thing, you said “For me, it’s the guy who gave up all fun when we got married, bought a house and had a baby and decided to work more than he needed to in order to provide for the family.” This is something that’s not exclusive to men but it is instilled into anyone with a career.
Of course it can be “anyone with a career” – However, this is a post for The Good Men Project and this is MY story about MY man. Some people will relate more than others. Some will see similarities and relate in a different way. I believe that is the way it should be.
“What you didn’t include here was what he does and/or doesn’t do, affects the livelihood of his employees. He not only has his families best interests but also the employees and their families.”
Too many bosses don’t care about their employees and their families and many of them could even care less about even their own families. If the USA was more like Canada and the Scandinavian, people would not be so worried about their jobs, health care, taking vacation time, and having to worried about being slaves to the corporate world.
Again with he “man box” i really wish people would stop using that. What’s worse is that in this case it’s being used about a guy who busts his behind to provide. Damned if ya do, damned if ya don’t. This has a lot to do with hid character. I know women who do the same, are you placing them in a “man box?” I understand your concerns for his health and his health should be important. I recognize that men tend to ignore their health but that’s not to say that his character should be broken down into a… Read more »
That is a tough situation, Barb. I have to admit that is one I do not face. If anything, my husband is better than me at knowing when to say “enough” and take a break. I hope your hubby is able to relax on the cruise, and maybe get a glimpse of the benefits of taking a real break from business every now and then.
I wish he had an “off switch” other than sleeping. Thanks Gaye! Does your husband have any tips on when to say “enough” to share?