The Good Men Project Community talks with Publisher and CEO, Lisa Hickey, about what it means to be a man today.
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Every Friday our Premium Member Community is invited to join me for an insider’s conversation about “the changing roles of men in the 21st century.” When The Good Men Project launched nearly six years there was no one else having this conversation. Now we can find tidbits of this conversation on nearly every other major publication.
Even the younger generation (who seems more open and less about gender norms) is struggling.
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On last week’s call we discussed an article from The Guardian that relates to our conversation: “‘It’s About Money and Muscles’: Men Discuss What It Means to Be a Man Today.”
Of course, we DON’T believe it’s about “money and muscles”—that is one of the very stereotypes we are working to change. But what was interesting about The Guardian article was how many of the men thought it was really confusing to be a man today—even if they were able to articulate how men’s roles were changing very clearly and seemed to have arrived at a conscious and calm place in their lives. One man literally said, “Being a modern man is confusing and challenging.” Even the younger generation (who seems more open and less about gender norms) is struggling. “There is an identity crisis for twentysomething men”, said another man.
“Have men changed what they expect of women?” That is a good question. Stay tuned for more next week.
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This lead to a spirited conversation among those on the call (our calls are always spirited). Jed Diamond mentioned that as we expand the roles of men to be less limiting—there is pressure on men to be all those things and so in some ways it is more challenging. Life used to be simpler when there were fewer options—even if it wasn’t necessarily better. Others on the call talked about how this translated into the dating norms of today’s world—how quickly they were changing, and even the younger people are a little rueful that there isn’t the ‘dating etiquette’ there used to be. We talked about how the education system is becoming more unbalanced in favor of girls, and how there are now role models in the media and how that leads to confusion for men.
And finally, someone asked a question that I’m sure I’ll be discussing on future calls with the community, “Have men changed what they expect of women?” That is a good question. Stay tuned for more next week.
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Someone asked me what exactly was meant by a “Participatory Media Company”. And it is this—we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on (every media company has that) — but we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. Yes, you can write for us—but you can also jump on a conference call that happens every week, you can be a part of a video, you can work with Editors and have Writing Prompts emailed to you or create your own, you can join one of our Facebook conversational groups. However you are engaged with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation. Can you tell me a media company who encourages people to participate in such a variety of ways?
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Just wanted to add one more comment here, so that we do not totally lose focus of the original intent, or thesis statement. There truly is far more to masculinity then just money and muscles. There is depth, passion, creativity, empathy and a myriad of other aspects of the man. I think we’ve sort of demonstrated that with the depth of conversation here, which, in a roundabout way tends to validate Lisa’s concern and desire to allow such to be fully and appreciably accepted and expressed. It is why, although some (meaning me) push the entirety of change, still believe… Read more »
That’s some pretty good focusing there, Tom. I fully agree and have said the same so many times that I’m sure there are those that wince each time they see my name in the comments, but it has to be drilled home, because, as I’ve stated, we can write all we want, but if our boys are not here, they do not hear. That is part of the reason that I’ve chosen to participate in the comments rather than writing (though that may be changing). As a writer one is just another writer, the article is just another article. Commenting… Read more »
Well said. ” I’m sure there are those that wince each time they see my name in the comments”. That cracked me up, because when I see your name in the comments, my impression changes from “OMG, look at this massive wall of text!” to “OK, must read.” You raise the good points, all the time here. About you choosing to participate in the comments rather than writing, I think you can do both. What would be the difference, if the comments happen to be on an article you write here, for example. We saw that already recently, where one… Read more »
Appreciate it, as always, Anthony…and you gave me a chuckle as well.. I’m like the proverbial fly in the ointment, the wrench in the gears sometimes; and enigma of sorts. I just read a mem (or whatever they are) that showed that, by gender, 61% of men, and 60% of women cook today. On the surface we can see that as great, wonderful, guys are getting it. Flowers, butterflies and lollypops for everyone. Then along comes the harbinger of doom with his wet blanket. My mind, and comment goes right to asking how many people, humans, by gender pay for… Read more »
I used to say that masculinity is what each man decides it is for himself, but that’s not entirely true. Masculinity is what each person decides for themselves. Women get to decide what masculinity especially in their relationships means to them, but they don’t get to impose their view on any man.
The problem arises when a person or a group of people impose their view of masculinity on someone. The effects of the man box may be internal, but the origins are external.
Great points, dj and Tom. All I want is for each individual man to make his choices as to how he chooses to live his life and be respected for his choices. He won’t appeal to all women, being old style or new style. But just simply to be himself without judgement and boxes he needs to be put in. Done with the boxes. Just simply done.
I’m with you Mark …. #nomoremaleboxes. Actually that’s kind of catchy, Remember you saw it here first! Of course I don’t know what this hashtag thing is or does but I see people using it.
Bwahaha! I *think* it has something to do with twitter, but I don’t have a twitter account, and I’m vaguely aware that “tweets” are basically just text messages online. Who knows? I only helped design and build the internet. I don’t follow up much on all the new bandwagons.
BTW, I didn’t get any invite … check to see if you have the right email?
I will check—is this the email you want it sent to Tom?
Interesting …. DJ, you’ve laid some things on the table, brought some things to light that will give me reason to think. But for the moment, I’m gonna start with our last comment “If you build it, they will come.” From what I’ve seen is that that nothing has been build for men to come to. What’s being built is an environment built on what someone, somewhere perceives to be what men should conform to. A lot of people are throwing ideas (in some cases mandates) on the table without consulting with the majority. Many of these “ideas” are based… Read more »
Worse yet, women walk up to the VW and say how great it is, singing it’s praises. But they’ll drive off in the Ferrari every time, having a blast, wind in their hair, laughing and smiling. The VW is what they take grocery shopping later, after all the fun has been had, they’ve been everywhere they really wanted to go, and they can’t afford any more ferraris anyway.
Stretched that analogy to near breaking point! 😉
Yup
What I’m seeing is that the reason so many guys are confused is because they are being pulled in so many directions at once. They are also being subjected to a great deal of contradictions. Its all I hear from guys: double standard, double standard, double standard. They’re like freaking parrots sometimes, but they are not without reason. We teach them to respect women, to treat them as equals, but their first experience with women is right back into the box, Mr. robot man on the formatted date. We tell them to help end violence against women, but we encourage… Read more »