Challenging flawed society norms about what makes a man valuable reveals three simple changes that men can make to enrich their lives.
—
Greedy — “Having an excessive desire or appetite.”
Lazy — “Unwilling to work or use energy.”
—
For many of you this article will challenge strong, deeply embedded beliefs about how we’re supposed to “show up” in our lives.
As men, we are exposed to constant conditioning that tells us our value is determined by our ability to work hard, be self-sufficient, and to provide for others without admitting weakness. The extreme opposite of greedy and lazy.
This definition of value has created an unhealthy expectation, and a degenerative condition for most men. In order to conform to these standards, men resort to doing things the hard way, not asking for help, and not accepting gratitude or positive reinforcement for anything that they don’t feel they “suffered enough” to accomplish.
“Toughen up.” “Push through the pain!” “C’mon, don’t be a wimp…”
We hear these phrases, and thousands more like them, while growing up. But is it advice worth heeding?
◊♦◊
Being able to ignore warning signs from the physical body is a great advantage, especially in a crisis. But, when we ignore our body’s needs in order to conform to an out-dated value system, we do ourselves a great disservice. While we suffer in silence, we do everyone else a great disservice too.
Now, I’m not saying that we need to correct all the way to the totally greedy, and totally lazy end of the spectrum. But it is time we gave up our attachment to being seen as selfless beasts of labor!
|
Toughness should be used sparingly, when peak performance really matters. But, over time it raises stress levels, increases sensitivity to pain, and causes us to break down physically.
No, that shoulder injury is not a medal of honor. Limping around with a grimace on your face when you get out of bed, does not make you the employee, entrepreneur, or family figure equivalent of a war hero.
Being able to say “I did it all myself” isn’t selfless, in fact, it’s the most selfish choice we, as men, can make because it denies anyone else the pleasure of being part of our success and takes a toll on our resources that makes us less valuable in the long run.
Men need to get greedier. Men need to get lazier.
Now, I’m not saying that we need to correct all the way to the totally greedy, and totally lazy end of the spectrum. But it is time we gave up our attachment to being seen as selfless beasts of labor!
The greatest contribution a man can offer (women too, but let’s stick to the topic) is the ability to collaborate, create, and solve problems.
The counter-intuitive idea of being creative to accomplish the same outcomes, or better, using less energy, might make a man “lazier,” but it also makes him more valuable. (I know, we’ve been saying “work smarter, not harder” for years, but how many of you are actually allowing yourself to do it.)
The willingness to wholeheartedly accept the fulfillment of being appreciated and honored for that contribution may be challenging, but more desire and appetite for those rewards is more motivating than a fear of not suffering enough.
◊♦◊
Get greedy for the energy and well-being to make your highest contribution, for yourself and others.
Get lazy enough to not waste your energy on valueless activities like worry and stress, or what other people will think of you if you ask for assistance or say “no” to a project now and again.
Increase your desire and appetite for things that matter most, and be aware enough to put enough work and energy into getting what you desire, but refuse to put in more work just because someone says you should.
◊♦◊
Easier said than done, right? Changing mindset to improve health and happiness might actually be harder than getting to the gym. But it’s also more life-changing. So let’s focus on three mindset shifts you can make that will help you get just a little greedier and lazier, and healthier and happier.
Increase Self-Awareness
Pain, discomfort, tension, chances are you’re so used to any dysfunction you’ve put up with in the past that is has become your idea of normal.
Challenge normal, raise the bar on your expectations for health and happiness. Notice when your body tells you that you need to move, need to rest, need to slow down, or need to eat.
Even the shift from mindless working stiff to aware individual will help you get just a little greedier for doing more with less effort, and less pain.
Increase Your Resourcefulness
Let the world in, it has lots of resources to offer you. Shutting the world out means life is always going to get harder. Which means you are becoming less and less capable than you were the day before.
When you let the world play a bigger role in your personal progress, you improve faster. This helps you to play a bigger role in the progress of your family, your career, and your community. You’re going to be there in a bigger way for the people that matter to you.
Be open about solutions. Don’t discount a solution solely on it’s source or your perception of its value.
When you let yourself consider all options, helpful tips and easy solutions can be found everywhere. (Note, your kids may know more about working smarter not harder than you do.) Also reference “The Man Who Was Too Lazy to Fail” from Time Enough For Love by Robert Heinlein. You might not get any ideas, but you’ll have a good laugh, and that’s an energy injection of its own.
Increase Responsibility
That’s another one that sounds counter-intuitive, isn’t it? But once you open yourself to the resources of the world, you want to remember that you don’t have to take everything that’s offered.
Especially advice. The hardest way to do anything is the way someone else does it, if it isn’t natural for you.
Some help isn’t helpful. Some advice isn’t valid. Some how-tos aren’t the way you need to do it. By increasing your responsibility for what you agree to, and what you politely decline, you’ve decreased your work load, and your stress.
By being aware, open and resourceful, and being responsible for your choices, you’ll learn what works for you and what no longer serves. And you’ll get a lot more comfortable with being a little greedier, a little lazier, and lot healthier and happier.
Photo: Flickr/bluesbby