“Men are constantly being told we have to be strong and in control when we can barely get out of bed in the morning and every decision takes all the focus and energy we have.” – D
Most gender studies focus on anxiety as a female issue. Not only that, but culturally, women are considered the anxious gender. From the stereotyped 1950s housewife and her Valium to The Rolling Stones song “Mother’s Little Helper,” the little yellow pill saved the day, to today’s most talked about and prescribed Xanax, you name it, anti-anxiety medications were for high-strung women. But don’t let the studies or stereotypes fool you. Men are prone to anxiety, and some men struggle daily. Anxiety can impact anyone, and it is a physiological and mental health issue that can be nearly impossible to fully control.
Anxiety is always a serious problem. But, in men anxiety can be especially problematic because they are less likely to seek help.
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Anxiety is always a serious problem. But, in men anxiety can be especially problematic because they are less likely to seek help. While many men know anxiety disorders exist, few realize they may be suffering themselves. In general, men are less likely to admit they suffer from mental health issues. Unfortunately, there is mental health stigma for both men and women, and men have been conditioned to be strong when in fact, there is strength in seeking help, not in suffering. So, instead of seeking help, men may seek to drown their anxiety with poor coping behaviors such as drinking, gambling, overeating, or other acting out.
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Men can suffer from every type of anxiety disorder. Including:
Generalized anxiety disorder is defined by exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reason for worry. People with these symptoms expect disaster and can’t stop fixating on health, money, family, work, or school.
Panic disorder is defined as abnormal fear of stressful events. It is a serious condition that strikes without warning. Symptoms include sudden attacks of fear and nervousness, as well as physical symptoms such as sweating and a racing heart. During a panic attack, the fear response is out of proportion for the situation. Over time, a person with panic disorder develops a constant fear of another panic attack, which can affect daily functioning.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, although now considered a unique condition and not specifically a type of anxiety disorder, this potentially disabling illness traps people in endless cycles of repetitive thoughts and behaviors mirroring those of anxiety disorders. People with this disorder are plagued by uncontrollable distressing thoughts, fears, or obsessions. The anxiety produced leads to a compulsive and urgent need to perform certain rituals or routines. Despite engaging in the rituals, the anxiety does not abate.
In many cases, anxiety can be worse for men because women are more likely to seek support. In general, men are less likely to develop anxiety, but they are more prone to several anxiety mistakes. First things first, if you or a loved one is suffering from anxiety, talk to a professional. See your general practitioner, a therapist, or a counselor. Anxiety does not always require medical intervention or medication, but when it does, it really does. If you, your body and mind are in a heightened state of anxiety, none of the practical things you do on your own will help until your physiological and mental state are addressed. So do that first. That said, you can introduce immediate changes to mitigate your symptoms.
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Make Immediate Changes
Fighting anxiety is another way of boxing men into a stereotypical expectation of behaviors that include toughing it out and is counter-productive to men becoming whole, emotionally healthy beings.
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Stop fighting it. Trying to fight anxiety without a coping strategy will not work. Fighting anxiety is another way of boxing men into a stereotypical expectation of behaviors that include toughing it out and is counter-productive to men becoming whole, emotionally healthy beings. Anxiety creates negative feelings and physical symptoms that can’t be ignored. Doing so, and trying to fight it alone can create more stress perpetuates the cycle and increases the risk of future and worsening anxiety.
Stop using unhealthy coping strategies. Men are more likely to develop alternate and negative anxiety coping strategies. For example, engaging in excessive alcohol use, gambling, and other reckless behaviors that temporarily dull anxiety. However, these behaviors can also be paths to dependency. As a dependency develops, and the brain loses its ability to cope without those drugs and behavior, there are now multiple issues, which would likely increase the severity of the anxiety.
Reduce isolation behavior. Men are less likely to reach out when stressed. Many prefer to be alone with their own thoughts. Often, that strategy works. However, anxiety, as a condition, does not tend to get better with isolated thought. Ideally, distraction and activity helps anxiety as does being around positive people.
Don’t give in to feelings of pride or shame. Men, and society, put a great deal of value into their ability to be able to handle things. This is, again, an unfortunate way of boxing men in to an unrealistic set of expectations whereby their success is tied to outdated stereotypes of what a man “should” be. When imperfect, which of course we all are, this can lead to negative self-talk that can increase anxiety.
Address your sedentary lifestyle. Men also need activity, exercise and healthy nutrition, both of which can lead to increased anxiety levels. Many men these days are less active than at any time in the past, this has led to problems controlling anxiety.
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Develop a Long-Term Strategy
Anxiety won’t just go away, and it won’t stay away without discipline. The way to treat anxiety is to work with a health professional as needed and improve your coping ability, and then combine those strategies with a long-term system that will reduce anxiety completely.
Engage in regular exercise. All men suffering from anxiety need exercise. Exercise releases endorphins that improve mood, burn away stress hormones, and improve confidence. Stay active to help cure anxiety.
Share with friends. Find people you can talk to openly without judgement. With panic attacks, common with anxiety, the more you are inside your own head the more severe the attack. Talking openly without shame reduces hyper-focus on your anxiety.
Avoid unnecessary anxiety influences. Any potential negative influence, including seeing horror movies, going to rowdy bars, poker night, any negative influences, should be minimized or eliminated. Men are prone to engaging in activities that cause stress. When you have anxiety, these activities add up, even if they’re unrelated to your anxiety disorder. Try to cut out stressful anxiety producing activities.
Avoid unnecessary down time. Stay busy with things you enjoy. Set goals, join a sports team, and find activities that keep your mind and body active. Don’t busy yourself so much that you are stressed, but avoid letting your mind wander. The more active you are, the more likely you are able to over-think the issues causing stress.
Engage in and continue with treatment. There is nothing wrong with suffering from anxiety. It is not your fault, it’s common, and it’s curable. If you accept it, you won’t get in your own way when it comes to curing your anxiety. Once you’ve accepted your anxiety, the next step is to commit to a treatment that works.
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If you are a partner or loved one of someone suffering from anxiety, you can help.
Encourage them to seek professional treatment.
Offer to go with them to their doctor.
Spend time with them and listen without judgement.
Keep in touch, but don’t pressure them to engage socially; let them dictate the level of engagement.
Encourage them to take care of themselves, to eat well, and to get enough sleep.
Discourage them from using alcohol or drugs to manage their anxiety.
Contact 911 immediately if you fear they are a harm to themselves or others.
For more on mental health issues there are resources to help. You are not alone.
National Alliance on Mental Illness
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
This is all SO important. I’ve known several men (friends and family) who have struggled with anxiety. Some who hid it and/or didn’t seek help, and others who did. Amazing the difference between those who focused on treating their mental health, especially early on when symptoms first start.
Jed,
Thank you for supporting and sharing my work. I know your audience appreciates for pieces like this and I appreciate your taking the time to share.
What an informative piece, Jenny. I can only imagine how hard it would be to struggle with anxiety as a man. The insights you share are valuable, and I appreciate this perspective very much. You offer such great advice and back it up with great research as well.
Jenny,
Thanks for posting this. Men always need to learn more about ourselves and our
own mental health. We also love it when good women, like you, understand and
can appreciate what we’re dealing with, often without the words to express it.