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With all the conflicting signals about what a man is supposed to be, here’s a refreshing idea. Whatever he wants.
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The definition of manhood nowadays could not be anymore difficult . From the day you were born, you were being influenced on how to behave, the toys you were supposed to play with, and even the super heroes you were supposed to emulate. You were most likely influenced by your parents on how to be a man. Your peers, around whom you spent most of your social life, influenced your ideas of what it takes to be man too. And a social media society that changes its mind on how men are supposed to dress, act, talk, and yes, even have sex on a daily basis has also had an impact on your definition of manhood. It’s no wonder men are so confused on how to be a “proper” man.
So what are the answers to manhood in a world that does not have definite answers?
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Everywhere we turn, there is a different definition on how to be man. You cannot escape it. You get it from every magazine, from GQ, Men’s Journal, ESPN, to commercials like the damn Marlboro man telling you to smoke cigarettes because it looks “cool” and “manly.” To make matters even more confusing, social media is telling you one day its OK to have a “dad bod” and then the next that you need to have a six pack to be attractive.
So what are the answers to manhood in a world that does not have definite answers? Here are some of the things that I am continuing to work on to be the man I want to be.
Decide on the kind of man that you want to be.
Stop walking on egg shells catering to everybody’s definition of how you are supposed to be manly. STOP. THINK. DECIDE. Then ACT on it day by day until you become the person you’ve decided to be. At the end of the day it does not matter what society thinks of you.
99.9% of society does not sleep with you, or look at you in the mirror everyday. You do. So decide on the type of man you want to be, and then strive for it as if your life depended on it.
Find men you want to emulate, and follow their footsteps.
One of the most influential things I have ever heard was, “If you want to cross a minefield, follow behind a man who has crossed one before.” Find a mentor who has the qualities you wish you had. Do not strive to be them, but rather strive to emulate their character, and their dedication towards a dream, or goal. Remember to never lose yourself. Being the best you is the best thing you could ever give someone, and this world.
Have a dream and a purpose in life.
Look deep down in yourself, and figure out what you want in life. Having a personal goal or dream is much more than you. You may not realize it, but your dream is actually bigger than you. It affects the people around you. The bigger the dream, the more people are affected by it.
Having a dream gives your life direction, and influences your decisions hugely. No dream is big enough, so you might as well dream big. Your dream might even scare you. But remember that being scared is not what matters. It is the decision you make after you are scared that makes the difference.
So go out there, be the man you want to be, and never allow anyone to tell you it’s not right.
Read Men On Strike by Helen Smith.
Great idea, Manuel, although sadly not likely to be readily taken up. And certainly not around here, if defining men wasn’t an option half the pieces here would disappear.
It would help if you ask a woman what she thinks about men. You might be surprised.
Women enforce the “man box” too despite what most claim. Every man should determine his own path for himself.
…Let’s suppose for just one second that women have no part in enforcing this “man box” thing. (they do, possibly moreso than other men, even, but let’s put that aside.)
So, okay, I ask some women. ….and each of them has varying opinions about men, what they like in men, and what makes a “real man”
How, then, has the situation improved over what it is now?
Manuel, I agree with what I suspect was the liberatory intent behind what you’ve written here. I’m opposed to most manifestations of ‘the man box.’ But this advice: At the end of the day it does not matter what society thinks of you. … only works if you aspire to be a hermit. For everyone else — people who want be loved (which is most people), people who want to be employed, people who want to have a thriving business (with, you know, clients and customers and stuff) — it ABSOLUTELY matters what society thinks of you. In fact, I… Read more »