Richard Taylor opens up about being a victim of domestic violence.
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Before I start I will say this: Ray Rice was completely out of line for knocking his wife out with a punch to the face. I don’t condone or support abuse of any kind against women.
With that being said, I don’t condone abuse against men either. Since the release the footage that showed Ray Rice dragging his then girlfriend out of the elevator, I’ve noticed social media post that reads: “Let’s stop domestic violence against women,” and “No man should put his hands on a woman.”
While all of these statements are very true, we have to understand that the conversation and the act of domestic violence is not a one way street—men are victims of domestic violence; they just don’t discuss it.
October is domestic violence awareness month and PSAs are already starting to air, but each commercial I’ve seen only shows women as victims. In my opinion, given the national dialogue about domestic violence, it’s a great time to talk about how men are victims, too.
I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship for 18 months. It was a very hard reality for me to face. Everyday people asked me questions like: “why don’t you leave?” or “how could you allow this to happen?”
I made up excuses as to why I was hit and swung on, usually blaming myself. I told myself things will get better.
The more I believed my lies, the more I felt like the abuse was normal. I would often say “its okay, she loves me,” never realizing at that time that I had become a victim.
Her one punch turned into a few, and her few turned into a few more and a few more turned into a straight-up beat down. Mainly because I didn’t want to be another black male in jail, I didn’t hit her back. After every altercation, I asked myself: “what if I snapped on her and caused a scene; would the public label me a monster?”
It’s been seven years since that relationship and life has taught me a lot. More than anything, I’ve learned that men are victims, too.
It’s important to realize that even though men are typically viewed as stronger from a physical standpoint, we are still human beings that are susceptible to the same kind of feelings as a battered woman.
For every victim that might be reading, man or woman, you are not alone and you can get out. My ear is open to those who need it.
#KeepLovePresent
Thanks for reading!
B.O.L.D member Richard Taylor, considered the voice of Chicago, is a best-selling author, motivational speaker, and survivor.
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Photo: Lisa Widerberg/Flickr
My grandmother and mother are both feminists (or better yet FEMNAZIS!!) who both say that women rule the world and men are just our property. So, I grew up with a very warped perception of the male/female experience. However, I do believe that men are also victims of domestic violence and that it is just as bad as male-on-female domestic violence.
I recently came out of a very bad relationship where my ex-girlfriend hit me and beat me on a regular basis. It was actually my mother who encouraged me to leave and to press charges. Unfortunately, the police were very lenient with her punishment (only one night in jail). So, while I am happy to be out of that situation, I worry about future victims of her wrath.
I think domestic violence, or any kind of violence, is just plain wrong.
I’m not a woman-hater by any means. However, I am finding lately that our world is becoming way too feminized. Like, feminism was supposed to be about equality. Yet, everything lately is about women this, women that. Especially when it comes to violence. I think violence is wrong from either gender.
I am a woman and an ardent feminist and I think we are too gender-biased when it comes to violence, especially domestic violence. It’s always about women being abused by men, but what about men who are abused by women??? And almost everyday, we see women slapping men around and kicking them where the sun don’t shine! Why is THAT so widely acceptable??? Look at how we treated Solanje when she beat up Jay-Z! Did SHE lose any endorsement deals??? Did HER fans turn on her??? NOPE!!! Her freaking album sales and You Tube views went through the roof!! And… Read more »
This is so true. Justice is not equal in this category. If you “try” to avoid conflict usually these types of women will keep pushing & pushing you to fight back even if you go to another room. If you don’t fight back, they will continue to assault you, if you do fight back, they call the police & you go to jail, no questions asked & no evidence or witnesses are needed.