What happens when men pole dance? Alison Tedford examines the exotic trend.
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It seems unlikely that Joel Lessing, a nursing home inspector from Chicago and Michael Vesely, a Canadian male model-turned-massage therapist would have much of anything in common. Their lives are very different. Michael is a bachelor who is a proficient welder and dotes on his dog and the new lady in his life. Joel is married to a lady who likes to hula hoop and take pastry classes. As it turns out, they share a love of an unlikely past time: pole dance.
While primarily a female dominated sport, men are equally important in the pole dance community with unique stories and experiences.
Joel Lessing became interested in pole dancing watching online videos of Tara-Karina, the vertical ballerina. He fell in love with her athleticism. Michael Vesely’s interest was nurtured by his pole dance instructor then-girlfriend, now best friend. His sister-in-law also danced, so he had an appreciation for the level of difficulty it involved.
Starting out, Joel made his first pole from hardware store parts in his basement. It was a YouTube skit that changed his life. While he admits he may never become a great pole dancer, he is committed to the community. Joel trains at Blush in Milwaukee, where he and his wife made many friends.
Michael teaches at Brass Vixens in Toronto, Ontario. He initially associated pole dance with stripping, and today maintains its ancestry is based there and not in Indian culture as some profess. At first, he had trouble finding an instructor willing to take on a male student. Michael had very limited experience as an exotic dancer before taking his first class and appreciates how hard the women in the industry he met work to support kids, put themselves through school and understands the level of physical effort required to succeed.
Joel had never been to a strip club or seen a pole dancer live before he took his first class. He describes being scared to death on the occasion of his inaugural strip club excursion, mainly around the associated social interaction. He credits pole dance with helping him be more relaxed in new situations.
Similarly, Michael found pole dance made him more comfortable interacting with women. As an instructor, he is cognizant of professional boundaries. He works hard to build trust with women who may initially be threatened by a male presence or who may mistake friendliness for flirting. His professional demeanor makes spotting less awkward. Michael has a strong circle of female friends and enjoys dance so much he doesn’t worry what people think of his unorthodox hobby.
Joel suspects his wife first found his obsession a bit irritating. While his friends engage in some good-natured teasing, they encourage and accept his interests. At 54, he does things for his own satisfaction because life is short. He found a home and a sense of belonging in the pole community of people he admits are “perhaps a bit strange.”
Joel connected with the pole dance community online, so was easily received knowing he wasn’t participating to leer at female participants. Pole can be sexy and fun, but studio interactions are not sexual. Joel and Michael are careful to act like gentlemen and agree on the need to be respectful.
Michael cautions against participating with the sole purpose to date pole dancers, as the novelty fades and the first love of a pole dancer is so often pole itself. He finds pole dance has deepened his appreciation for the female form. The movements, clean lines and lighting make women appear even more stunning.
From an anatomy perspective, he is fascinated by the way different muscles are engaged when men and women perform movements based on how they “bring the sexy” as he says.
Joel’s love of pole is rooted in the enjoyment of the company of women, having been raised by a single mother, and working in a female dominated profession. The women he interacts with seem more willing to talk about deeper things that matter. He does not see dance as an outlet for his masculine identity.
Michael similarly doesn’t see dance as innately feminine or masculine and believes both sexes are evenly matched, but with different strengths. He used to dance in nightclubs and on Much Music’s Electric Circus. For him, time spent dancing is about free expression and it’s when he is happiest. For Michael, love of pole comes second only to love of his dog. He enjoys the danger of aerial arts and finds it’s a great conversation starter when meeting new people.
The overarching theme in both men’s pole dance narrative is the value of community. As in any sport, participants form unlikely bonds through the pursuit of common interests. That global sense of community is how an American nursing home inspector and a Canadian model turned massage therapist could lead vastly different lives but still have so much in common.
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Photo: Tony Webster (featured image); (top picture) Joel Lessing; (bottom picture) Michael Vesely
no way! This is so neat! I truly cannot imagine the amount of body strength it takes to do those moves. AMAZING. This was SUCH an interesting and neat read!! Thank-you!!