A Message From A Man, To Women Who’ve Been Raped

lost-lara cores-flickr

Danny Baker has a message for women everywhere. 

Dear every woman who’s been raped,

I’ve come into contact with a number of you recently through my work as a mental health advocate. Some of you tell me that you feel “worthless.” That that you feel “dirty” or like you’re “damaged goods.” And some of you tell me that as a result, no man will ever be able to love you.

Well, speaking as a man, I’d just like to tell you this:

I don’t think you’re worthless.

I don’t think you’re dirty.

Nor do I think that you are “damaged goods.”

Because when I look at you, I don’t see a woman who’s been raped.

I just see a woman.

If you’re caring, then I see a woman who’s caring.

If you’re brave, then I see a woman who’s brave.

If you’re honest, then I see a woman who’s honest.

And the same if you’re ambitious, thoughtful, interesting, creative, empathetic or intelligent.

I’m just one man, but if I can see all of these wonderful qualities in you, then there’s no doubt that another man will be able to, too. And given so, there’s no doubt that such a man will be able to fall in love with you.

Because to men like us, even though you’ve been raped, you’re still as valuable as ever.



P.S. If you’re a man reading this and are one of millions who would date a woman who’s been raped, say so in the comments section below. Women need to know that you’re out there.

Photo: Lara Cores/Flickr


About Danny Baker

Danny Baker is an author, life coach, mental health advocate and founder of the Depression Is Not Destiny Foundation. He is a contributor to The Good Men Project, The Huffington Post, The Elephant Journal, Yoganonymous, The Glow, The Daily Health Post, Healthy Place, The Family Focus Blog, The International Bipolar Foundation and The Black Dog Tribe. If you'd like to get in touch with him, you can via Facebook or Twitter


  1. I too am one of these women. I had a very forceful rape at 16 and pushy controlling rape repeatedly from my son’s father. For 10 years i have felt like damaged goods and unworthy. After the first rape, I was one of those girls who became promiscuous. I also didn’t ever say no in fear if I did what would happen. I had said no before and he still did it so why bother. I am finally combatting all these thoughts and feelings, 10 years later. I want to trust that not all men will physically hurt me or treat me like an object. I pray that one day I wil find one of these men…

  2. I was also raped at 16 and it took a while for me to be open to a relationship it took a great guy to break through the wall I had built to protect myself. I am lucky he was so patient and kind. Being able to talk about what happened to me with a person I put myself in a vulnerable position with, was one of the best things for my recovery. Men willing to walk the path to recovery with survivors are great, the two I have had in my life have been amazing. It takes a very strong man to take on that level of pain and confusion.They don’t force you to bury your past but help you interpret the present in a new way.

    Rape victims come in all shapes and sizes, both guys knew me a long time before i told them and both were surprised because in their mind I did not exude victim mentality……as a ferocious human rights advocate supporting rape victims and confronting authorities and rebels in DRCongo I can see how they got that idea. But both stuck with me even after I shattered that public image of strength….more women need men like that.

  3. Thank you for confirming what I said. It really is a good thought. I just feel it’s more important what rape victims think about THEMSELVES first. Really, as a survivor, I can tell you that you can’t be successful in a relationship until you figure that out and have compassion for yourself and your past. Once you’ve done that work, you can find how to be comfortable with another person. But I don’t suggest trying to find someone to help heal your wounds with you. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s really work that needs to be done primarily with a treatment professional. Therapy is often needed, as some have said, into a relationship as survivors begin to figure out what intimacy means to them and how to experience it safely. A wise survivor once said that being a rape victim is like being in this horrible club that you never wanted to belong to; but once you’re there, you’re so glad you’re not alone. None of us is alone in the process of recovery from rape and sexual abuse. Thank you all for your stories. I wish you all healing and peace.

  4. I am a bi sexual woman, and (if I liked them) would date, or fall for someone who had been raped. It’s not who you are. You are wonderful xx

  5. Frances says:

    I just want all you women out there the you can be lived for yourself. I too have been raped but I have found a wonderful man, without looking. He is such a caring man and I could not have been where I am today without him. There are plenty more out therein him, so please do not give up hope. You are all beautiful

  6. Please also remember men are subjected to rape,so these sentiments should apply to ANYONE.

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