Do you think this is funny? Why or why not?
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Ahhhh, internet. We know there are gender differences and gender stereotypes. But do you have to be so mean about it? Do you have to be so adamant about it?
The list above plays off a repeating joke: “I will make you go away.” Well, with a mother like you, that might be a relief. Don’t you realize this is the prelude to every mother-in-law joke there is? If a young woman can’t even date your son without being threatened, what is life going to be like when she marries him? “You better act like a lady.” What is that even supposed to mean?
A while back, Aaron Gouveia made some observations on The Good Men Project about “The Rules” that every father supposedly follows when a boy is dating his daughter. “The idea of dad polishing his gun while meeting the new boyfriend is often the lazy commentary when it comes to how fathers will handle their daughters dating.”
We believe this commentary is just as harmful in perpetuating stereotypes. And be warned stereotypes: “We will make you go away.”
Your thoughts?
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Editor’s note: We have recently found out that the “Rules for Dating My Son” were taken from the blog of April Sopczak. It was a humorous take on the “Rules for Dating My Daughter.” See April’s original post here.
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photo below: balladist / flickr
I made my daughter’s date fill one of these out when he picked her up for their first date just over 10 years ago. He saw the humor in it, but he also saw a mom that was watching out for his daughter. Next year it’s going in a frame by the guest book at their wedding reception. I couldn’t ask for a better son in law. And he’s already said their daughter’s first date will be getting one when she is older.
Having just gone through this with my 17yr olds first crush, I concur with a more the generalized, tamer verison. As the single mom of a young man I do my best to not overstep. Such as in this case, with this girl…and her mother. I have given my guidance when and where I could but he messed up and made the mistake of going over to her house when the parents weren’t there. He lied to me, and them and deserves the consequences. But she too is also to blame for encouraging him to come over which leads to… Read more »
Hi 🙂 If you want context into this photo, here is the original blog post it was stolen from – https://aprilsopczak.wordpress.com/tag/rules-for-dating-my-son/
My dear friend has been trying to get attribution and links back to her post for every stolen image. I’m helping her out. Hope this helps you understand her sense of humor. And I know she’d appreciate a link back to her post if you’d be so kind.
Happy Wednesday! 🙂
Thanks for letting us know! We of course want to give proper attribution. We have updated the post accordingly.
I think all of it is creepy. The promising your virginity to your father is disgusting. And the phrase, “If I don’t like you, I can make you go away, sounds psychotic. It sounds like the mother is competing with a girl for her son. It’s not normal.
Rules for dating my son: 1. My son is an autonomous human being, and I hold no illusions that I can in any way micromanage his decisions or his behavior. I can only hope that through demonstrating respect for him, and myself… that he will understand how to be respectful of himself and others. I can also hope that the many open and honest communications we have had have prepared him for the depth of emotional intimacy that comes with adult relationships. And I know that he knows that I’ll be there when he needs someone to talk to, a… Read more »
Well said Sara. Thank you for expressing it so much better than I could have.
I had an ex boy friend whose dad was like this.or maybe worse..he made me go away before even meeting or talking to me! And the guy was 26! An adult..it hurt me terribly at that time…but now when I look back, I am glad he did..at least I know that the guy did not have it in him to fight for me…I have been enjoying being single since then! Hopefully will meet someone who loves me enough to want to be with me 😉
Dear Mom,
I can also make you go away.
Signed,
Your Son.
These lists can be re-titled as 10 Glaring, Humor-deprived Examples of My Parent’s Boundary Issues.
Personally, I’m glad my parents let me make mistakes when I was younger (within reason, of course). My parents didn’t try to veto my friends or dates, so I learned for myself which friends and/or dates were worth the effort. No amount of parental strong-arming can give perspective like that. Obviously I don’t claim to know everything about my friends’ lives. That said, from what I witness, the friends who were kept on the tightest leashes are paying for it now. They weren’t allowed to flunk courses in high school, where education is free, so now they’re flunking courses at… Read more »
You are absolutely right. You have to let your kids go a little bit at a time. Not totally control them so that they don’t know anything about the world when the inevitably turn 18 and, hopefully, strike out on their own. Plus, I think I would vomit if my Dad tried to put a ring on my finger. And he was a wonderful, protective father. But he did not hold the key to my virginity. That’s wierd.
No. This is just as horrible as the Dad’s Rules for Dating my Daughter.
No. 1 is what you tell your son. It is his job to live it. The rest of this is so nauseatingly controlling it is not good mothering. It is emasculating.
No 9 is just fucked up. If you think like that for real, you probably should be getting some help and on a watch list
I agree with the first rule. The rest pretty much sound like a textbook example of an abuser. Moms teach us from an early age to share our toys. So both parents should practice what they preach and ‘share’ their children.
I think all the posturing and threatening is ludicrous. If you raised your son or daughter to value themselves you don’t need to clean your gun or weigh your balls/boobs. Your now adult(almost) child will make solid choices. And please let’s all remember the string of failed relationships, aka lessons, we have learned. Let them have the same luxury of trying and falling at this age and they WON”T marry her/him. Push to hard and you get what you didn’t want. Even as humor it makes me cringe to see this stuff because I hear parents say these things in… Read more »
Meh. A little been-there, done-that. Or taken straight from an episode of Sons of Anarchy.
It’s nice to be cared for once in a while… We’re always busy protecting our women and children from getting hurt (physically and emotionally). Would like it if someone occasionally does the same for us…
I do agree with the rule, “He is not your ATM.” He is also not your chauffer or moving man.
Just as with those “Dads rules for dating my daughter.” I laugh at these because they are so over the top that I would like to believe that no one would take them seriously. Unfortunately there are people who do take them seriously.
But what bothers me are people who will in one breath be fine with one list but then cry sexist foul at the other.
I don’t find this list particularly funny, but I don’t find it as damaging as most people either. Why? Because I can see it’s a joke. The entire list is designed to set up the author as an overprotective parent and then zing you with the last line about becoming your mother-in-law, which presumes that she has allowed you past all her insecurities about her son dating you and into the family. She (or he) lets you off the hook. One of the theories behind comedy is to build up tension and then release it. That is the entire design… Read more »
Yes yes yes! Agreed! These things are awful and I hate seeing them shared all over my Facebook feeds! I hope like hell I’ll never be that mother in law. Don’t forget, we were all daughters in law once (in some form or other)! My son is only 2 years old right now, but I hope that I will be the best mother in law I can be, while still (appropriately) looking out for my son’s interests. In saying that, his decisions will be his adult decisions to make at the end of the day and that is how I… Read more »
I wrote about these ridiculous rules from a viewpoint of a mother of a son who was given the “application for dating my daughter” in response to him respectfully asking a dad for permission to date his daughter. It was horrible. There are honorable young men out there and they need a break. Janacraft.blogspot.com – In Defense Of Honorable Young Men is the blog post title.
I can’t figure out if this is white trash, wealthy entitlement, or liquor-soaked suburban posery (I just made that word up). It isn’t clever. It isn’t funny. It isn’t humane. But every bit of comedy, whether smart or ignorant, reveals a lot about the psychology of the comedian. Control freak, mistreated, phobic…
Threats will only limit the number of grandchildren one has, how many pleasant family gatherings one will have to forfeit, how few healthy relationships one’s child will have. Ignore the Orwellian dystopic aggression, and all you’re left with is stupidity.
JOEL!!! You said everything I was thinking but couldn’t put into words – at least in public. Maybe it was a JOINT ignorant effort. Wow.
As the mom to two grown daughters and one 12 year old son I can tell you that, while humorous, these “rules” meme’s also have a kernel of truth to them. For anyone who doesn’t think that teenage girls dress like they should be charging or that they don’t text suggestive things to boys or that they are not sexually aggressive….you’ve either been living under a rock or have never met a teenage girl. Having been “those” parents who made our girls go right back and change before leaving for school (and checked backpacks for changes of clothing) who monitored… Read more »
So…it is rather difficult to know the secret curiousities and behaviors of one’s own child after a certain age. Presuming that “my little boy would never, ever do x,” or “expect x” makes some assumptions that you can read that boy’s mind. Thinking, “If I make my girl cover everything from her neck to her knees will keep her pure and tame” is just as bad. It is important to give children a sense of respect for self and respect for others, assuredly, and there’s nothing wrong with having your own family’s way with dress code and the like, but… Read more »
I’m with you Cat. Its a parent’s job to guide their sons and daughters and sometimes protect them from their own bad decisions.
These rules are a bit hyperbolic but there are kernels of truth in them (just like the ones about daughters). The core message is poking gentle fun at the parent’s sometimes irrational desire to protect their children.
Its kind of sad that everything is a referendum on society these days.
So you’re teaching your kids to base their self-worth against how much skin they show compared to others? And that instead of being kind and nonjudgemental and respecting everyone, they should make judgements on the human value of others based on a very objective criteria? Wow. And since when did the length of someone’s skirt indicate their level of self-respect? Also, just because someone might have a low self esteem, that doesn’t give you the right to treat them as less of a human being. All people in all states of dress and sexual relationships deserve to be treated with… Read more »
I think both of the lists of “rules for dating” are meant to be more humorous than realistic.
I think that is obvious, but it’s supposed to be a humour of recognition, and to have recognition with that you’d have to be halfway to thinking like that (same with the Dad’s rules one), and even half-way thinking like that isn’t only offensive, it’s disturbing. Or is that the point. This is as bad as Dad’s Rules for Dating my Daughter, but it actually feels worse. The idea of a mother jealously protecting her son from the real world, and the pitfalls of real relationships instinctively feels more stifling and threatening and creepy than the father’s ones because we… Read more »
Terrible.
Because, you know, all women are out to trick men all the time.