Jennifer Fink believes our boys are trying to tell us something about the way they’re being educated… and it’s time to listen.
It was the call I’d been expecting.
Yesterday, not even one month into the school year, I got my first call from my son’s first grade teacher.
“Sam’s behavior moved into the red zone today,” she told me.
His elementary school uses a color-coded behavior tracking scale, similar to the one the United States government uses to track the terrorist threat level. All students start the day at Green. If they misbehave, they have to move their clip down a notch, to Yellow. Another incident of misbehavior moves the clip to Orange – and results in No Recess. Continue to misbehave, the clip moves to Red and the teacher calls your parents.
My son reached Red. Not because he’s done anything outrageously horrible, like going into a rage and hurting another student or school property, but because he’d steadily accumulated a list of misdemeanors. He squirmed on the rug. Visited with his classmates when he should have been listening. Ran in the hall when he should have walked. And ran again when sent back to re-try. (“Fast walked, Mom!” my son insists. “I fast-walked!”)
Because he was squirmy and wiggly and sociable and active, he lost recess, moved his clip to Red and had his teacher talk to his parents.
I knew this call was coming.
Boys Move – and are Penalized
My son is a smart, self-motivated kid. He’s a kid who loves farms and machinery, who will spend hours cultivating and maintaining pretend fields in the sandbox or on the living room floor. He’s the kind of kid who lights up when working on a project of his own imagination – and some of his projects have been pretty large and ambitious. Using scrap wood, he designed and built a toy boat, all by himself. Lately, he’s been exploring electrical circuits with our Snap Circuits kit. He enjoys playing board games (and video games), and is becoming quite comfortable with numbers and basic addition. He loves to hear stories, is obsessed with the Titanic and really, really wants to learn to read so he can read chapter books independently.
He’s the kind of kid who learns best through movement, through touching and feeling, and through projects. And guess what? First grade doesn’t work like that. First grade, today, involves a lot of sitting still, either in a plastic chair, at a desk, or on a rug. First grade involves a lot of “sit down and be quiet” and very little free exploration. First graders today get to do very little that is interesting, because the current educational system expects kids to read and write proficiently before letting them explore higher concepts. So little brains (and bodies) who want to physically explore higher concepts are instead told to sit still, follow directions and stay between the lines.
That’s not how my son learns right now. It’s not how most young boys learn. Heck, most girls would do better in learning environments that encourage active engagement! But because the entire school system revolves around desks and passive learning, boys like mine get in trouble – often many times a day – for acting like boys.
For the record, I don’t believe that “boys will be boys” is valid excuse for bad behavior.But why are we asking little boys to adapt to a system that doesn’t meet their needs, instead of realigning the system to meet the needs of the learners? And why oh why are we taking away recess from kids who are already having trouble sitting still in class?
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Early Education Sets the Tone
Is it any wonder, then, that boys tune out? That boys very quickly conclude that school is “not for them?” Any surprise that boys’ reading and writing scores are less than girls, that boys drop out and are suspended from school at rates far greater than girls?
Not even one month into the school year, my son got in trouble – major, Red-level trouble – for moving, talking and socializing. The school gets into no trouble whatsoever for failing to provide my son with a learning environment that engages him, that takes into account his needs and knowledge and learning style.
We blame little boys, and then, quietly bemoan the outcomes: low literacy levels. Low high school graduation rates. Decreased college enrollment.
Perhaps, instead of blaming little boys, we should take a long hard look at our boys and their educational needs and desires. Perhaps we should talk to – and listen to! – our boys. It’s not a co-incidence that most boys name “Recess,” “Gym” and “Lunch” as their favorite subjects. Our boys are trying to tell us something.
I think it’s time to listen.
Originally appeared on The Boys Initiative Blog.
Jennifer L.W. Fink is a freelance writer and the mother of four boys. Her blog, Blogging ‘Bout Boys, is All About Boys – Raising Them, Educating Them and Learning with Them.
Photo: OakleyOriginals/Flickr
I am a mother, grandmother & RN for 42 years. I am horrified that schools are suggesting to parents that their (usually) young boys are hyper and need drugs to calm them. They don’t need drugs – they need more fun, physical activity! Yet neither the schools or the parents allow adequate time for kids to be physically active. Kids don’t walk to school, don’t have playground time before & after school starts, and worse – recess is taken away when kids become wiggly!?!. Our kids had 20-30 minuted outside recess mid morning & mid afternoon every day. Riding cars… Read more »
Couldn’t agree more. I think Sir Ken Robinson summarizes it best here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U
This is partly why the trend of red shirting saw such growth over the past couple of years, especially with boys. I think red shirting was a sad answer to an education system that ought to have found a way to channel our boys’ enthusiasm more effectively.
I think you’re right, svtwinmom. Sadly, a lot of the trends in early ed. seem to be counter to how boys typically learn and develop. There’s a lot more focus on sitting and writing and reading, even in kindergarten, today than there was even 20 years ago.
I don’t think it’s just a problem with a lack of recess or lack of physical movement. I think the schools’ declining attention to art and music also eliminates some outlets for boys.
Thank goodness there’s still bullying to serve as an outlet for physicality….
You’re right, wellokaythen. Eliminating (or cutting back on) art and music hurts boys (and girls)too.
I come with a message of hope… change is happening, though it does happen slowly. There are many young scholars entering higher ed that know they were ripped off of their K-12 education… and they are pissed. Furthermore, professors have been trying to counter the declining quality of students who are entering postsecondary ed. They are well aware that most people have the intellectual capacity to succeed, but most kids K-12 are only trained to take tests. It is unfortunate, since the K-12 period is the time when the brain is most malleable, yet brain bending does not happen at… Read more »
I think you’re right, Salvice. I think things are slowly changing. I hope so anyway. Our kids deserve better, and our society needs kids (and future workers and citizens) who can think critically, analyze situations and take initiative.
Schools destroy quite a lot of creativity and free thinking…I was someone told to sit down n shutup quite a lot in school, it helped make me hate learning. It wasn’t until I was 25 and WANTED to learn that I found learning fun and enjoyable, hell I probably learned more from google + youtube than I did in highschool. I can lookup how to do woodworking, electronics, fix a car, install a car stereo, hell any topic you can think of there is probably a forum or video on how to do it. It’s sad that it took me… Read more »
Archy, what you say reminds me of when my son was in middle school (12-14 years old), he would go online and go to these highly technical web sites to break down his latest video game. So I knew he didn’t have some sort of comprehension disability. Math was always a tough time for him and 1 year he didn’t get any textbook for it . Instead he had to go online for homework assignments. The site would give him problems and tell him if the answer was right or wrong, thats it! Nothing showing where his work was incorrect… Read more »
Yeah funding is a problem. What pisses me off is that a year or 2 after I finished school they started to restructure it and bring in things like laptops which would have helped me immensely as I physically write slow, but type pretty damn fast. I use to have so many half or quarter finished notes from the board because I couldn’t write it fast enough, yet gimme a laptop and I’d be done before the others probably. Kids with learning disabilities or problems that hinder their performance can have other areas where they excel, I suck at writing… Read more »
Yeah, lots of ‘Busywork’, almost like they’re ‘Wharehousing’ the kids until they’re of age.
Archy, you bring up a lot of good points. A lot of boys (and many girls) learn best by doing, but most schools don’t have a lot of room, time or space for that yet. Which is too bad because kids can learn all kinds of things while *doing* things — think about the math in woodworking, the science in electronics and mechanics, etc.
BTW, I love your comment about letting kids “blow shit up in science more.” MythBusters, anyone?
Damn straight, blowing shit up is fun. Nothing teaches you better then seeing something fun, exciting, amazing, with a hint of danger exploding to really show you how exothermic reactions work, etc.
Jennifer, does your son’s school provide any recess or physical activity time? I have noticed with my godson, who is also very physical, that letting him burn off his energy helps keeps him quiet. He is perfectly capable of sitting still for hours at a time when he is interested. But since he is ahead of his class, he gets bored fast, and that is when he starts talking and moving about. Also, you mentioned in your piece that boys do not learn the way we are trying to make them learn. I think that is true, however, this method… Read more »
It seems you missed this, but the problem isn’t that the school doesn’t provide a recess – it’s that when the child ‘misbehaves’ (emphasis on the scare-quotes), then they DON’T get recess. Which is crappy child-rearing practice at the best of times, and downright absurd when the ‘misbehavior’ in question is that the child isn’t keeping still!
“Downright absurd” I say “downright abusive.”
Yes, they get a 15 min. recess in the morning and a noon recess; the length of that one depends on how long they spend eating. But as Niks (below) points out, part of the problem is that recess time is lost when kids misbehave. I know my son has it better than many. At least he gets recess. But back in the day (30 or so years ago), we had 3 recesses a day at that level. Now it’s 2 — if you’re lucky. By the time the kids reach 7th grade, it’s 0. I think that’s a big… Read more »
I was/am one of the few boys who could/can sit/deal with that type of education. As a perspective from the “other side of the tracks” so to speak, I remember being taken aside in middle school by a teacher and congratulated for being one of 2 boys (and 13 girls) to receive recognition for a 4.0 in math for the quarter. I hadn’t noticed it until he had pointed it out, but afterwards I started noticing all sorts of things like that. Another time a whole group of people were called away for a discussion from another teacher about varying… Read more »
Very interesting perspective! Did you face any retribution or ostracization from the other boys for doing well in school?
BTW, I fully agree with this sentence: “There has got to be a better way than crushing most boys and punishing those who do succeed.”
Read more at https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/moving-into-the-red-boys-and-education/comment-page-1/#LzXilBMTJ0j5WvFK.99
Not so often explicitly, but more implicitly. In general my best friends were (and continue to) tend to be women. Whether that is self-selection on my part or subtle aggregated othering is up for debate. That being said, the “chicken and the egg” problem becomes even worse if one asks the question where my self-selection preferences came from. I remember once I was able to explain the word “fasting” using the word “breakfast” as an example of a compound word containing “fast,” in the “not eating food sense” and I received crap about that for days. The two people went… Read more »
Thats’ it – I’m moving myself to the Red Zone. In Grade 1 , the only reason I went at school was Recess. This is outrageous.
I am listening. I was raised in the 50’s and 60’s when I was supposed to act the way my parents wanted me to act. I heard the terms “Damn Niggers” and “Damn Jews” more than I can count, AND it was acceptable…. my parents were ‘good parents’ for encouraging me along those lines. It is time to take a stand, and I stand with those people who realize and acknowledge that we are all connected, and connectedness comes from communications, not standing in line with your mouth shut. Bravo to your son. I stand with him.
Thanks, E.S. You made me smile.
The kind of education that your son is getting is likely not even endorsed by his teacher; it’s the result of overcrowded schools and underpaid teachers. Much has been written about changing the education paradigm by reformers from John Holt to Ken Robinson, but the implementation of better school systems ultimately rests with parents. Either you need to pay more, and send your son to an alternative school, or homeschool. Most public and private schools simply do not have the resources to allow children to pursue open ended exploration. This is a common issue beyond first grade, we have the… Read more »
You’re right, Ele. I’ve often said the same thing your mom did. Sadly, that’s how our society is set up these days; we value adults as workers, not as parents, and do very little to support parents as parents. Homeschooling is a great alternative; our family homeschooled for over 7 years. Our family situation changed, however, and now all 4 of our children are in school full-time. And perhaps that’s why these educational situations stand out to me so much: I know what learning can look like. I know that boys (and girls) can and do learn without sitting for… Read more »
I’m afraid that if you haven’t heard it yet, you will: someone will suggest your son needs medication. For ADHD or something else… there’s a fine line between schools and asylums these days. I’m glad you weren’t offended by my comment; it’s not an option for everyone to homeschool, but if you’ve done it, schools seem pretty scary. Medication is becoming a common tool for controlling active children.
“Underpaid Teachers”? My wife is a T.A. in the local High School. The teacher she ‘assists’ (which in educrat mean runs the class) makes 190K a year! Not bad for 180 6 hour days! If you don’tbelieve me check it out at WFSD.com. The athletic director makes almost 160K! My point is , thisis a nice comfortable gig for a lot of people, and I don’t see a whole lot of desire to change things from those with the power to do so. Ms. Fink, your sons dilema sounds like the same thing my son went through (and probably countless… Read more »
“Unfourtunatally, he learned if he stayed still and shut up, he’d get by.” — That’s a powerful line, and a powerful lesson that we are teaching our boys, whether we mean to or not. We put them in schools like that for 12 years or more, and then wonder why they lack initiative when they come out.
I sent three daughters through the same school system before him and if ever they stumbeled, there was an array of people to help or assist them. With my son (and other parents of young boys have told me the same) if it wasn,t for the fact that state aid was tied to attendance, I feel the ‘Powers that be” in the school would have been quite content with him not even showing up!
Interesting comment, bobbt. It’s worth noting, perhaps, that most teachers are female. Do you think more male teachers would help create a climate that’s more welcoming to boys and their learning styles?
Absolutely! If you look at elite ‘Prep’ schools (20-30-40K a year tuition) you’ll see they have certain things in common ; 1) single gender classes, 2) usually , if possible, the gender of the teacher matches the gender of the class.. Now, I’m not stating one gender to be more profeccent as either a teacher or student. It’s just that these elite schools seemed to have realized this to be an optimum learning enviorment. Something our top ‘educrats’ seem reluctent to embrace (even though I read an article stating that the ‘well to do’ educrats often send THEIR children to… Read more »
@Bobbt: I defin. need to check on ‘WFSD.com’ for jobs like this. I’d even consider going back into teaching. When I was a teacher, we made approx. 28K. I got to work at 7a, left at 5p, and graded papers till 10p-midnight, M-F Those summers off? Very appreviated. Workshops, Cont. education, and going back to school weeks early to prepare your classroom, lesson plans, etc. for the upcoming school year. Yeah, we got the holidays breaks off, which was great, because I was a sinlge dad, and I didn’t have to pay for day care (and was able to spend… Read more »
Check it out, William Floyd School District (Ironically, we’re known as a ‘low wealth’ or poor district!
I can tell you that even in the highest-paid school districts here in California there are no teachers making almost $200K.
I know teachers at private schools here with tuitions over 25K per year, and they don’t make that much.
Something is amiss. It certainly is NOT indicative of what’s happening in the rest of the world.
It’s right there in black and white! Check it out. I believe the starting salry is somewhere around 42k or so. Look, here on Long Island, if your paying less than 10K a year property tax (of which 80% or so is school district tax) your ‘Getting away cheap’. My district isn’t even the highest paying one! I have friends who live in Smithtown School district who pay over 18K a year property tax! (This, by the way, is for a modest 1500 square foot cape cod style house) Hey, you,re a lot more profecient than I on a computer,… Read more »
In fact, if you search the archives of Newsday (the local daily newspaper) you’ll find several articles about the high cost of education on Long Island, Like the Superintendent of the Syosset school district (about 1200 students I believe) who’s comp package is over 500K a year! My wife met TA s from there at training seminars, and they said their package was over 40K annunally!