A new app allows women to anonymously rate their male Facebook friends.
—-
Recently, the New York Times ran an article about Lulu, a new app that lets women anonymously review men who are their Facebook friends. Using hashtags such as #Friendzone, #PornEducated, #ObsessedWithHisMom, and #DudeCanCook, to name a few, it’s been hailed as the female equivalent of “revenge porn.” Praised and hated by many, it’s been taking the internet by storm and has grown “600 percent in the last six months…”
With that said, Lulu, I believe, could be very good for men and women.
“Shhh … let’s wait and hear what his hobbies are—”
|
Several years ago, when I was still in high school, my friends and I discovered that Comcast TV had a service that allowed customers to video date. The service consisted of men and women leaving five minute video profiles for interested parties to watch. Naturally, my friends and I devised a game that involved us looking at a woman’s username, and then guessing how good-looking she’d be. With names like: KittyKat123, Ginger, Gymgoer, and Librarian88, we were at no loss for laughs… and surprises. The second a woman jumped onto the screen we’d quickly be hooting and hollering. It wasn’t our proudest moment, and we only played it a few times before we eventually, as we did in those young days, grew tired of our game.
But a few weeks afterward, I was in the kitchen and overheard my sister-in-law and her friends playing our game, this time they were doing it with the guy’s profiles. Something was different when they played though. When the guys came on screen there was no immediate yelling or screaming. There was silence. At one moment I heard one of them saying, “Oh he’s cute,” and then I heard the rest of them, “Shhh … let’s wait and hear what his hobbies are….”
It was at that moment I first realized how differently men and women viewed the world.
Fast forward several years and I’m a twenty-two year old veteran home from the Iraq war. I was coming off a rough few months of drinking, smoking, and fighting, and was working on getting my shit together.
“Getting my shit together,” consisted of quitting drinking, drugs, and fighting; but it also included sending a letter to the last five women I dated. Some of them I had dated for a few months, others just a few days. In the letter I asked a few basic questions such as “What was it like when we were together?” “Do you feel as though I ever truly saw you?” “Do you feel as though you ever truly saw me?”
“It may not be easy, but it could be worth it!”
|
All the women whom I sent my questionnaire to were happy to respond—even though not all of their responses were happy. There were a lot of good comments, but in full disclosure, a lot of not so good ones, too. One said I was selfish in bed, another that I was often rude, all said I drank too much, none claimed that they ever truly felt they “saw me,” or I them.
The responses were difficult to read (even a hundred positive responses won’t lift a man’s spirit when he receives a single negative comment about his bedroom skills) but I forced myself to read every single comment, and as a result, I believe I became a better man. I took a solid look at what all the women had to say and how I was being with them, and being seen, and I forced myself to start to change. It wasn’t easy, but three months after receiving those letters, I met the woman of my dreams. It’s been five years and we’re now expecting our first baby!
The reason I bring all this up is because I believe that this new app could be a good thing for men and women. If men access it and see the impact they’ve been having on the women in their lives, it might just force them to change. Look yourself up on Lulu men, and if you’re not already up, ask the women in your life to review you. It may not be easy, but it could worth it!
More articles you might enjoy:
Why Women Need to Challenge Men in Healthy Ways
–Photo: opacity/Flickr
There is another app that deals with reputation but in a much wider way.
Reput users can share their experiences and opinions about any of their contacts (doesn’t matter if those contacts are Reput users themselves). Anyone over 18 years old with an iOS or an Android device can use Reput. It is more or less like what the reputation building process has been about since the beginning of time, but now is on the internet!
Here is Reput’s website:
http://www.reputapp.com
Really I don’t understand how you as a man can accept this type of sexism no human deserves to be a hashtag and labeled for the world to see. And you can’t even see what is being said or know at all that you are even being subjected to it unless you have some female friends that tell you? This is wrong and women would not accept it if it was happening to us. Cyber bullying is no laughing matter. Most of these men are are young impressionable men and could lead to violence against women. How about everyone grow… Read more »
@Erin What’s up Erin?Well,shock would be putting it mildly.I don’t write opinions to get folks to agree with me or like me…obviously.Speaking for myself,the work that many women,like yourself, want men to do was done by me beginning at age 14.That would be 44 years ago.I took all of the worst criticism the second wave had to offer with total acceptance.Here is just a sample: “All men love war.”I actually believed this mean spirited,illogical, nonsense until my brother,a decorated Vietnam vet,forced uncle sam to physically come remove him from home to go to Vietnam.I know because I answered the door… Read more »
Personally, I think this app is just going to generate more anger and hurt then it’s going to help anyone. I can very easily see it become a way to vent frustrations and offer judgements of men that give a very limited view of who that man is as a fully faceted person.When did the opinions of other people become so important to us over making our own? Why are so many people clamoring for so much validation online? And why is it anonymous? I agree with the others who said that seems cowardly. If you are going to make… Read more »
If you had an opinion of someone important enough to write down,why not simply be straight up and tell them?
Good question.
@Maria White women don’t belong to a minority group.White middle class women,depending upon ones own status, belong to the oppressor class.African American men compared to white women.I am rudely reminded of that as I wait to catch the bus at 14th and Broadway this 1:30 this morning.Poor blackmen and many black women are everywhere, huddled in doorways,ill kept and unnoticed.When middle class white women pose as minorities it hurts minorities.Abuse and untoward behavior,individual to individual,counts.I cannot mistreat random white people and avoid responsibility because I am black.Thats ridiculous and wrong.
ogwriter, if i could like this 1million times I would. Women fail to realize they now hold the majority vote in the U.S by 8 million votes, that men’s vote requires signing up to selective service whilst women’s vote does not. There are still issues that both face but bringing up centuries of past oppression is bullshit. Men were oppressed as a group like crazy in the past many times, maybe people forget that there was a thing called conscription which men lost their freedom completely and were forced to fight in the most dangerous places on Earth, EVEN when… Read more »
Damn.Doesn’t this app perform the role of trusted friends and family?Furthermore,asking people to make anonymous judements on others is asking for compromised information.Whats to keep these people honest?Whats to prevent them from erroneously harming someones reputation?It sounds cowardly to me.
This may shock you Ogwriter but I actually agree with you on this.
There is no equal baseline, no neutral point from which to start when it comes to men and women. So it is not the same thing to have this app to rate men and a similar one to rate women.
I’m sorry Maria- why is there no neutral start? If you have the time.
Sorry for being so cryptic. What I meant was that there is never the same baseline for comparison between men and women. There was never a time, generally speaking, when there was equality of rights and opportunities (and judgment etc) between those perceived binary genders. So whenever men complain that something women do to men would be deplored if it was men doing said thing to women, they forget that there isn’t really a neutral baseline, so to speak, from which to start comparing both. Women and other societal minorities have undergone centuries of oppression, so it is definitely not… Read more »
So whenever men complain that something women do to men would be deplored if it was men doing said thing to women, they forget that there isn’t really a neutral baseline, so to speak, from which to start comparing both.
They aren’t forgetting anything. They are recalling from actual experience what happens when men did said thing to women. Centuries of oppression doesn’t make enough of a difference to justify women doing something to men.
Can you imagine if there was an app like this for rating women? “Shes ugly”, “shes a slut” etc can you imagine how messed up that would be for the woman to see? Its an app that the guy cant see anything about himself but women can review him and see each others posts? thats pretty damn nasty… Its like the shes a homewrecker website, a load of personal opinions from people who are either going to be nice about you or who are “shitty” friends who bitch about you behind your back. Either way this is pathetic and pretty… Read more »
“She’s ugly”, “she’s a slut”, “I love her big tits” are common common common comments on FB and other social media.
So are the comments rating men, neither are good. People change over time, I learned a hell of a lot from my first relationship. I dove headfirst and went way too fast and freaked myself out bigtime to the point I had an anxiety attack after sex and couldn’t handle continuing to see her because I realized I didn’t feel that way about her. Imagine liking someone a lot then you have sex and it feels like it’s too much, too soon, I was up alll night trying to figure out how to break it off without hurting her but… Read more »
When I saw the title of this, I was prepared to read it and roll my eyes, however I think you make a very valid point. Question : do guys have to submit themselves to this app or could women basically rate anyone with a Facebook profile?
Social media makes many of us feel as though we are being judged all the time. The way we look & dress, the jobs we do, how much money we’re earning… The list of judgemental innuendos is endless. It has more or less become a platform for people to compare themselves to one another, see just how they measure up and try to be better. It doesn’t just incite judgement from others but also the belief in ourselves of how we should be in order to be accepted by those of the opposite sex. It is sadly leading us all… Read more »
I see a lot of men afraid of critisism, if your life is filled with “absolute bitches” then maybe the lesson you could learn is to practice methods for attracting better people…or even bringing out the best in people.
Fighting all the time is not the way to go, listen a little, take what you can use, leave the rest. But willful ignorance will only leave you completely unprepared for your future.
“I see a lot of men afraid of critisism, if your life is filled with “absolute bitches” then maybe the lesson you could learn is to practice methods for attracting better people…or even bringing out the best in people. ”
Or maybe there are just a lot of bad people, male n female. Blaming the victim here isn’t always helpful. How do you attract kinder people?
Sorry I can’t see the advantage to being reviewed by a woman who stopped turning my crank…
Or by one who grew bored of me…
By one with whom I was sexually incompatible- especially the selfish ones who didn’t even try.
The presumption that women, and especially their friends, will be honest and fair minded is absurd.
If this app goes up for men about women it will be likened to a slave auction….
Just wait for the first law-suit, some guy who doesn’t get hired because his ex said he is a selfish slob with a small penis.
All I’m saying is that this app exists. And since there’s nothing that anyone can do about that the best thing a man can do is to find a way to use it to his advantage. Complaining about the app and how unfair it is or whatever will change nothing. It exists so find a way to use it if you can. In the army we’re all about feedback. During a mission we want constant feedback about what’s going on. And you know what? After every mission we do an After Action Review (aar) we list three things we did… Read more »
I’ve stood up against sexism from women before, to the point it’s labelled me sexist. I have a view that if a woman hits you and you cannot stop her by other means then hit back, multiple women have called me sexist for it yet I advocate for equality. There are plenty of ignorant men n women who could use this type of service for bad, especially if jaded after a breakup. What people say isn’t always the truth, like when a guy says he’d hit a woman back in self-defense getting labelled as a wife/woman beater when he’s morally… Read more »
“If men access it and see the impact they’ve been having …”
the app is designed to prevent men from accessing it
none of those “good things” will ever happen
It’s simple to access all you need is a good female friend. Or if you had no female friends you could create a fake female profile (not that I would reccomend it) but it would probably only take you ten minutes.
That’s not true, men can sign up. I just did yesterday, you can see what people rate you for, what the hashtags are and everything.. no one rated me yet, though.
Thanks Michael,
I’m all about Lulu, or any other method by which people grow their awareness of what the world thinks about them. And yes, people can and will be cruel at times, but we know that already. The real question is, how do we do something even more direct, transparent and honest, like the letters you sent? Anyone who asks what others think of their actions is on the road to a better life. But they have to listen to the answers they get back.
So, what happened after they’d listened to hear what his hobbies were…? But frankly, yes, I think that the device you’re writintg about just might be beneficial for some people. But on a whole, I think the “reviews” would be ignored at best, and counterproductive at worst. Much like advice and other things offered to men on sites likes GMP and other places, I think that the fellows most likely to take heed of aby advice actually are the ones who need it the least. While the ones needing to be “straightened up”, probably are more likely to take pride… Read more »
“If men access it and see the impact they’ve been having on the women in their lives, it might just force them to change. Look yourself up on Lulu men, and if you’re not already up, ask the women in your life to review you. It may not be easy, but it could worth it! ” It might work for some but there is no shortage of absolute bitches out there who will badmouth a guy and lie about it (same for asshole men too). Would women want me to list some of their qualities of women I’ve known too?… Read more »
How many people are friends with an ex from a bad ending relationship? Maybe these women are “bitches” because their boyfriends were jerks?
Trouble is this cycle continues on forever. Bitches make jerks, jerks make bitches. I knew bitches but try to rise above being an outright jerk over it. Only thing people need to know is if they had a history of abuse/violence which Clare’s law in the U.K I think would satisfy that need to inform. I’m sure my first partner could say I sucked bigtime, I was a nervous wreck, had sex and found out my feelings weren’t right for her and didn’t want to be with her, on the flipside I could write she had really bad breath, was… Read more »