Is Having the “Talk” my wife’s job, my job or our job together? Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt believes…
Question: Our daughter is about to enter into the puberty stage. My wife and I have talked about how to handle the situation when it comes time but we can’t decide whose place it is to have the talk with her. Would it be me, my wife’s job or our job together?
Answer: Damn you are a fabulous Dad!
My Dad put condoms in our stockings when I was 16, my sis 14. “If you’re a Pratt, you like sex. But AIDS can kill ya. So use a condom.” My sister and I sat on the chesterfield mortified. Stunned. Speechless really. How do you move on to presents after that? You just do…
Mom said JUST I was going to dinner with her. Crap, what did I do? What was in trouble for? She downed a glass of wine, turned it over on the table… and said, “This is your vagina.” Again, mortified! She told me how it all worked… yet nothing about sex, the beauty of it, the sacredness of my body, the joy of sex.
So great man, there is no right way to do this, it’s what’s right for you and your wife. Yet here’s my 2 cents. I would have two separate talks…
- Mom talks about the female anatomy, periods, pregnancy, sexual diseases, about the beauty of sex, the sacredness of her body temple, about how to navigate emotions, how to deal with boys attention, how not to emasculate men or use her sexual power as a manipulation, how to bring our the best in a man with her sexual energy, and how to decide when he’s the one you want to have sex with… one day.
- Dad talks about the male anatomy, wet dreams, hard ons in class, desire when hormones are raging, what it’s like for a young man to want to be sexual, how her sexual energy and her body effects a young man, how to see herself and her body as sacred, how to navigate boys advances, how to choose who you want to have sex with, when, why…
I would make it special, some place cool, private enough to talk and no one hears, something to show her how special wondrous natural and magnificent these changes are. How you believe in her, encouraging her to trust her awareness, that you’re always there to talk to if she has questions or concerns, not sure what music lyrics mean… or even funny stories to share.
This is a super amazing time to be cherished and sets the stage for how she sees her body, her sexuality, her desires and what’s possible in relationships. I salute you Dad, thank you for being so nurturing to your daughters evolution.
Deliciously, Allana
p.s. for Dads that notice when it’s time to have the ‘Talk’, that they still have shame around sexuality, or guilt about things, or rage at a young man getting 100 ft from your daughter, or creeped out to think of your kid having sex or sharing that YOU have sex… it’s best you handle YOUR issues first before you talk to her. My complementary report and video series at www.GetHerToSayYes.com dives into, among many things, how to heal any sexual shame you hold from being told you were gross or bad for being caught masturbating… being rejected, abandoned or betrayed by someone that has left a wound in your full sexual expression. This will help have the talk with your daughter and no doubt improve your own fabulous sex life, how does it get even better than that?
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