I need to tell you a secret, something I wish I would have known when I was 12.
——
My dear Son,
We chatted the other day about inviting your new high school friends over to hang out. You told me that you were worried that no one will want to come.
When you were younger, every park I brought you to, you made a friend. 100% of the time. The first thing you did when you got to the park is find the nearest kid and ask, “Do you want to play with me?”
I guess when we get older, we get stupid.
I need to tell you a secret, something I wish I would have known when I was 12.
Rejection is a trick that our mind plays on you. It is not real.
Rejection is a trick your mind plays on you. Don’t be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking.
|
You think rejection might happen when you ask someone for something, so your mind stops you from asking. Before you asked, you never had it. If they say no, nothing has changed. You’re still in the same situation if you didn’t ask. So nothing actually happens – it’s only in your head.
If you want it, ASK away! Because you never know. If the answer is “No” in your mind say, “Next!” and smile. Because the next time might be a “Yes.” I promise you there will be a “Yes” if you keep asking.
Do you remember the game we play by the lake, where we throw rocks at a small target in the water? The person who throws the most rocks will likely hit the target first. It’s a numbers game. Getting that “Yes” is a numbers game too.
So go ahead, ask your new friends over. Ask your teacher for an extension. Ask us for that longboard. (I didn’t say “No,” I said you have to earn it.) Ask her out on a date. Ask if they want to buy it. Ask for a discount.
Don’t be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking.
And hey, you can increase your chances of a yes by doing the following:
1. Ask with the expectation of getting a yes. Never ask like, “Hi I guess you don’t want to come over this weekend huh?” or “I don’t suppose I can get a discount”.
You have to be positive to get a positive response.
But be polite and not cocky about it.
2. Ask the right person. The right person is the one that can make the decision. If you are asking for a discount, ask the manager. If you are asking a girl out, don’t ask her friends.
3. Be specific. Don’t ask, “Would you like to hang out sometime?”
Ask, “Would you like to go for a movie on Saturday night.”
4. Be resilient. Ask and ask again because the situation changes. The day changes. The person’s opinion changes. You change.
Some rejections that might interest you:
- Joanne Rowling’s book was rejected by 12 publishers before it became successful. The book was Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. J.K. Rowling is now worth about one billion dollars.
- In 1998 Sergey Brin and Larry Page approached Yahoo! to merge with their company, Google.
Yahoo! said “No” to their little school project. Have you even heard of Yahoo? - In 1985 Steve Jobs was fired from his own company, Apple. That’s a huge “rejection.” What a loser right? Imagine if he stopped asking.
My son, there is no rejection. It’s a myth.
Love,
Dada
——
Photo by Rachael Crowe on Unsplash
You are dead wrong. Rejection is all around us my friend, what in the hell do you think racism or any ism is based on: group membership or outside the group, ….. duh, in other words rejection. Wake up man.
There’s acceptance, and there’s rejection. But how is one suppose to deal with silent treatment — or worse, a broken line of communication?
Do you remember the game we play by the lake, where we throw rocks at a small target in the water? The person who throws the most rocks will likely hit the target first. It’s a numbers game.
Last night I saw “Forrest Gump” for the first time, and this seems like a place to quote my favorite line from the movie: “Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.”
Don’t be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking. Actually, that’s not true. Like most things in life, asking is not without its risks and hazards. If a person is romantically/sexually interested in somebody with whom he/she has a current platonic friendship, is there anything for the interested person to lose by asking the other person? If the romantic overtures are rejected, then surely the two people will still have their platonic friendship, right? Well, actually, no. Sometimes, a person can be so discomfited and offended by a romantic overture, that he/she will not only… Read more »
There is rejection and it hurts. Sometimes more than others. After all if I didn’t want that, why would I ask? It’s OK for it to hurt or for a person to be disappointed. It’s usually better to feel than not. Pick yourself up and try again like you said you’re no worse off than you were except for opportunity cost. I also wonder how often you should be asking the same person who turned you down for a date and even if she eventually said yes, would you even want it. True, he might get a yes on a… Read more »
I also wonder how often you should be asking the same person who turned you down for a date and even if she eventually said yes, would you even want it.
Careful, now. That violates the “Schrodinger’s Rapist” rule. As the feminists have taught us, asking and romantic propositioning in themselves can constitute acts of harassment and violation. Once a person expresses refusal, that refusal is supposed to be final and not up for negotiation. To be on the safe side, we should probably just assume disinterest at all times.