What do you do when your smart, loving son is suddenly cowering in the corner of his bedroom?
–
At 6.30am one morning in 2009 I walked into my 17 year old son’s bedroom and cheerily called out, “Morning honey – how did you sleep?”, as I did each and every morning to encourage the little treasure to drag himself out of bed and head off to school. He was sitting his HSC that year, was a little quieter than his usual fairly quiet self, and hadn’t been doing much socialising. Good for him! I thought.
My very sensible son wasn’t out partying, chasing girls and getting wasted, he was at home with his family, locked away in his bedroom, studying.
He looked at me that morning – his skin pale, eyes furtive, and shakily said: “Actually mum, I haven’t slept all night. I’ve been lying here absolutely terrified – I’m scared shitless.”
Not the answer I was hoping for.
That morning, a number of things clicked into place. His social withdrawal suddenly stopped looking so sensible. His desire to be alone in his room wasn’t about being studious after all. In fact my very bright academic son hadn’t been studying at all.
He’d been cowering.
What followed was lots and lots of appointments and referrals – to GP’s, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, alternative health practitioners, an Asperger’s/Autism specialist – he participated in clinical studies at various institutes and universities… you get the picture. Even though it was my son who was ill it took over my entire life as well, and although I tried really hard to act like it was “business as usual”, it’s had a huge effect on our family life as a whole.
At no time over those next couple of years was the “S” word mentioned to me. Seasoned professionals – doctors, psychologists, social workers etc. – all skirted around it. It took a psychiatrist to casually mention as an aside – “Oh, well that’s typical of schizophrenia, of course…”
It was the first I’d heard of it, in relation to my son, and even after all the hundreds – probably thousands – of hours of research I’d spent – I really didn’t believe that Schizophrenia could be what my beautiful son was suffering from.
Schizophrenia is a terrifying diagnosis. Apart from the boundless suffering that people with schizophrenia go through because of the illness, their suffering is made even worse by the terrible stigma associated with this illness.
One only has to look at how the media portrays schizophrenia – you don’t need me to tell you – we all know.
And it’s simply not true.
My son is the gentlest person I know. He adores his three younger siblings and is particularly close to his youngest sister – probably because she simply sees him without all the labels and she gives him absolutely unconditional love.
He’s responsible, highly intelligent (devastatingly handsome – just sayin!) and has a wonderful, black sense of humour. That he suffers from depression and schizophrenia is most certainly not the most interesting thing about him.
My hope for him is that he will continue to feel better, and to be more able to cope with the world in which we live (and, let’s face it – that can be pretty tough for all of us). I hope he will find a path that inspires him and brings him some joy. But for people who have schizophrenia that path is often blocked by systems that don’t work, and judgement by those who are frightened by something they haven’t taken the time to understand.
I’ll find a path for him even if I have to lay every bloody paving brick down myself.
Cheers,
Motherhucka.
The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous.
Originally appeared at Mamamia.com.au
–
Lead photo (not of the author’s son) courtesy of Flickr/License Some rights reserved by trailofdead1
What an amazing mom. Commenter Russ: What an amazing couple you are. My ex husband suffers from Bipolar and refuses all help, medication, therapy even refuses the diagnosis. The moment a doctor mentions BP, he quits seeing the doctor and finds another one. Mental Illness is something most of us do not understand at all. Just like only the people who suffer from other chronic illnesses have a better understanding of their disease than most of us. I hope we as a society can learn to help people with Mental illness. Gun control while beneficial is not the answer. Discriminating… Read more »
As the husband of a woman who suffers from schizophrenia (or schizo-affective disorder, depending on the doctor, month of the year, and color of the sky), you and your son have my sympathy. It’s not in any way an easy condition to manage, but it -can- be managed if he works at it. My wife has now been diagnosed as schizophrenic for more than half her life, but since we met (ten years ago), she has made a huge commitment and effort to be a part of managing her illness. Since that time, she has never fought against taking her… Read more »
The idea that schizophrenics are “bound by evil spirits” or “possessed” is responsible for the mistreatment of many people with mental illness. Don’t lay that on this kid. He needs actual help for an actual illness, and luckily his mother clearly understands that.
She seems like an excellent mom, doesn’t she?
I think the point is to tell our kids they aren’t “doomed” by something like this, and that will will always be there to help them and support them.
If you believe your parents are judging you, and think you’re bad or going to be bad, how can you move forward strongly? This boy, hopefully, will have a bright future. Lots of love to them.
I met a man with schizophrenia while working probate law. My boss was his guardian. Though he and his family were VERY wealthy, they had all cut him off. They gave him up to the court system. Your road will be a bumpy one and I hope that his condition doesn’t worsen. Stay strong!
My heart goes out to you and your children. Have you every considered giving his illness over to Yahshua (Jesus) to heal him? Read Matthew 18:18 and bind the spirits that are holding them captive to this illness. I am a true believer that Yahshua bore strips before the cross to heal our diseases. We also have power in our words to heal. So Heavenly Father I pray in your name that the evils that bind these you people will be bound in the name of Yahshua for by your strips they are healed. Amein & Amein Accept Yahshua into… Read more »
I’m so glad to see a mom post this about schizophrenia. I have bipolar disorder with a tendency to have delusions, voices, and visions…it is rare that people are truly understanding and advocates for us. Even the ones that love us. Its not because they don’t care, but because they can’t relate and most people struggle to understand things they can’t relate to. It makes life very difficult for us.